Realizations
by BloodRedEnd
Summary: Things only get worse for Harry as summer begins. Abused by his relatives, he is saved by an unlikely person, and finds out something that could change his life forever. Severitus fic.
1. Return to Captivity

**This story is currently undergoing editing, so if the chapters don't match up, please be patient and it will be fixed.**

**Warnings: **Abuse, rape, attempted suicide, cutting, Severitus fic.

Takes place the summer after fifth year.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot. Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling.

**Chapter One**

Uncle Vernon seemed slightly shaken by Moody's warning as he hurried toward the car, Harry dragging his trunk along behind him. It seemed like each step weighed on his heart, sinking him closer and closer to depression. He had no idea the Dursley's would completely ignore the warning.

One of the reasons he wanted to return even less than other years was because of the increased connection with Voldemort. He had been having more frequent visions of Voldemort's doings, and once had felt the pain from the cruciatus curse, though nowhere near as badly as the victim had. He was sure he would wake someone while screaming in one of his dreams, and he did not want to know what the consequences would be.

The first thing he noticed upon his return was that his bed had been replaced. Instead of the lumpy old mattress on a creaky frame, he had a nice, new bed with a wrought iron frame, headboard and footboard. He was a little suspicious, but ignored the nagging sense of foreboding, sitting down on the bed. The mattress was fairly comfortable, but couldn't hold a candle to the beds at Hogwarts. Upon closer inspection, he found the reason for the change. Heavy metal restraints connected to the head and footboards.

As Harry quickly jumped off the bed, he heard the numerous bolts on his door being slid into place. Nervously he changed into pajamas and crawled into bed, curling up slightly, unconsciously edging away from the heavy chains and cuffs.

Harry dreamed of Sirius and Cedric that night, a recurring nightmare of his. He didn't realize he had been screaming until he was woken by his door being wrenched open. At school he had always placed a silencing charm around his bed. Before he could react, his Uncle was shouting at him to shut up. When Harry would not calm down, his Uncle hit him hard on the face, cutting his lip. Then he punched him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Harry felt like he was suffocating, the blow to his abdomen preventing him from breathing properly for a moment.

"SHUT UP BOY!" Vernon shouted. "You think it's funny, don't you? Think you'll get a good laugh by waking us all up in the middle of the night, don't you? Think you can harm poor Dudley like that and just get away with it! I've put up with your abnormality too long, freak. And that stunt in the train station! NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!" Vernon shouted. Harry had tears running down his face as he gasped for air. Vernon backhanded him once more and left.

Early in the morning, Vernon Dursley woke Harry. He dropped a list on his chest and sneered at his nephew.

"This is a list of chores for you to do today. All of them are to be completed, no complaints." He stated, then left. Harry slowly sat up, his stomach a bit sore, and looked at the list. Even if he had two days he wouldn't finish all the jobs. Seeing it was a nice day out, he decided to start on the outside jobs.

Heading outside, he heard hooting coming from the garage. He found Hedwig locked in her cage with no food or water. He ran upstairs to his trunk, which luckily hadn't been taken away, and removed his bag of owl food.

"Hey girl." Harry said, stroking her feathers. "I'm sorry about this, but there's nothing I can do. He's got me locked up too. Eat that before Uncle Vernon comes back, okay?" He told her, giving her a handful of food. He looked around for a place to hide the bag. In the back corner of the garage were all the gardening tools, which Harry guessed only he would be using that summer.

He hid the food, then, on second thought, he ran back up to his room and gathered together whatever assorted snacks he had. Harry had stocked up on Honeyduke's candy thinking he would still be forced to live on carrot sticks, as Dudley was still on a diet. He put half of it in a bag and hid it in the garage also, hiding the other half in his room under the floorboards. Then he started on the list.

Harry weeded the garden, mowed the lawn, trimmed the hedges, and repainted the fence. He washed all the windows inside and out, then vacuumed all of the downstairs rooms and did the dishes. By the end of the day he still hadn't finished five jobs.

When Vernon Dursley returned home that night, he was furious. Harry was punched and kicked a few times before being literally thrown into his room. At least he was left unchained still, he thought bitterly.

The same thing happened the next day. Before he began his chores, he gulped down as much water as he could from the bathroom sink. He found a paper cup in the kitchen and brought some water out to Hedwig, who hooted gratefully. He fed her, and pulled out a cauldron cake for himself. Just before his Uncle returned home, Aunt Petunia left a slice of bread and glass of water on the table for him.

When Vernon Dursley did return home, he did not immediately throw Harry into his room. Instead he told him to get out whatever he needed to write a letter. They sat at the kitchen table as Vernon dictated to him what he was supposed to write. He brought him out to the garage and freed Hedwig. Harry didn't even have a chance to tell her to stay with Ron before his Uncle threw her out of the garage.

The days continued the same. Harry got food every two or three days, and wrote a dictated letter every third day. By the end of the week Harry was really feeling the effects of the near constant abuse and starvation. It took him longer and longer to finish the jobs, and he could not always get out to the garage. Harry didn't know if Petunia knew about the abuse or not. It always happened when she was busy cooking, or watching her favorite program, and when she and Dudley were out, he was beat longer and more violently. Seemed abuse was Vernon's new favorite form of stress relief.

Harry quickly learned to wait in his room for Vernon to show up, to avoid being dragged and thrown into it. One day while he waited, he wondered if he would even be alive to return to Hogwarts. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to live anymore. Voldemort was back and killing people left and right. Dumbledore, his mentor, had been lying and keeping secrets for Harry's entire life. And Sirius...he couldn't even think about Sirius without breaking into tears. Was his life really worth the death of so many?

Harry went over to his trunk and dug out a silver dagger that Sirius had given to him along with the knife that would unlock doors, which had been ruined in the department of mysteries. The handle was pure silver embedded with emeralds and rubies.

Driven by an unknown force, Harry took the dagger in his hand and dragged it across the delicate skin on his wrist over and over. He switched hands and did the same to the other hand before he became too weak. He held his arms up in front of himself and stared in awe as his blood began leaking out of the wounds, running down his arms in spidery patterns and pooling at his elbows before dripping onto his lap. He didn't even notice the tears streaming down his face or the heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Oh no you don't! Those freaks are not blaming us for your death!" His Uncle shouted as he caught sight of Harry. He left for a moment and Aunt Petunia returned with her first aid kit. She took out rolls of gauze and bandages and wrapped his forearms tightly with many layers. Harry thought she looked sorry for him, but he wasn't too sure as moments later he passed out from blood loss.

Harry woke up two or three days later, he wasn't quite sure. The Dursley's hadn't even bothered to take him to a hospital. He didn't mind. He didn't need the attention. Harry thought he was going crazy. Things just began to deteriorate after the attempt at suicide. He had begun to have panic attacks. He knew he was paranoid, but he didn't care. He felt as if the darkness would claim him if he didn't do something. So he cut himself. Again and again, all up his arms. He felt as if the pain anchored him to reality. The pain was something real, something concrete, something he could control when he couldn't even control his own future anymore. His arms were almost permanently bandaged now. He had taken more bandages from the first aid kit.

Harry quickly lost track of time. All he knew was the panic, the darkness, the chores, and the pain that anchored him to the real world. One day, while waiting for his beating, he noticed a beetle on his windowsill. A horribly familiar beetle.

"Get out of here! I don't need you lying to the papers anymore!" Harry told the beetle, who was actually Rita Skeeter. He heard footsteps outside his door.

"Please, get out now. If he catches you-" The window was slammed shut, trapping her inside as Vernon Dursley dragged a struggling Harry to his bed.

When it was over, Harry was left chained, a sign that there was a guest or dinner party tonight. Harry hated when they had dinner parties. He remembered the first time the Dursley's had a dinner party, and Vernon introduced the reason for the chains. They had obviously not forgotten the incident with Dobby back in second year, and were not taking any more chances.

Harry lay apathetically for about an hour before the door opened again. The person who entered was far worse than Vernon Dursley would ever be. He was a middle-aged business associate of Vernon's who often came over. Harry hated him. He was horrible, evil. He was a pedophile, and he was here to rape Harry.


	2. Rescued

When Harry was released in the morning, he bolted for the bathroom, not even realizing he had grabbed his dagger on the way. He turned the shower on, the water as hot as he could stand it. He was nearly hyperventilating as he cut himself, again and again, covering his upper arms. Tears and blood mixed with the water swirling down the drain. When he finally dropped his dagger, he grabbed a washcloth and scrubbed himself raw before collapsing onto the ground, sitting with his back against the wall, his knees drawn up to his chest. He watched the now red water swirl down the drain. After a moment his breathing slowed to normal and the flow of blood slowed. He stood, carefully washed the wounds and his dagger, and got out of the shower. He dressed quickly, carefully bandaging his arms with new wrappings, and began his chores.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Severus Snape!" Rita Skeeter shouted through the floo connection.

"What!" he snarled. Recognizing who it was, his scowl deepened.

"Severus, I was spying again, and the most horrible thing happened! I had to tell someone, but I couldn't go to Albus, he doesn't know, but you do, you found out, please you have to save him!" she said all in one breath, close to hysterics.

"Calm down woman! What the hell are you rambling on about that was so important as to interrupt me, ruining a very delicate potion?" he demanded. Rita took a few deep breaths.

"Harry is in a lot of danger. I would have gone to Dumbledore, but I was spying as a bug, and I didn't want to have to explain my animagus form to him. I came to you, because I know. I know of your connection to him." Snape's eyes went wide. She couldn't possibly know.

"Harry was chained to his bed, and his uncle hit him. But that wasn't the worst of it." Here her eyes began to water. "A man, one of Dursley's friends I expect, came in during a party. He raped him." She whispered the last sentence. A strange look flitted across Snape's face.

"I'll get him out of there." He said softly, before whispering _obliviate_, erasing Skeeter's memory and ending the firecall.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Harry had given up hope of completing any more chores that day. He could barely stand, let alone walk. He lay on his bed, fingering his dagger. Maybe he should end it all. No one would stop him this time. Not having the strength to unwrap all of his bandages, he placed the dagger against his throat. As a soft pop sounded to his left, he drew the dagger across his throat.

Severus Snape was horrified as he watched the young boy slit his own throat. Reacting quickly, he cast a clotting spell to slow the flow while he performed a complicated healing charm. The skin began slowly fusing itself back together as the startling green eyes of the boy turned toward him. Harry's eyes widened a fraction as he realized who had stopped his second suicide attempt before closing as he fell unconscious. Severus gathered the boy in his arms, startled at how light he was.

"What is the meaning of this? Is that a student?" she nearly shrieked as she realized who it was. "Harry? What happened to him?"

"I'll explain later. We have to get him inside."

"Poppy is out at the moment." Minerva said.

"I can treat him. All he needs are a few potions and he'll wake up. Hopefully he will tell us everything, though I already know most of it." Severus worked quickly, feeding him a blood-replenishing potion. As he removed Harry's shirt, Minerva gasped at the bruises covering his chest. Severus retrieved a special balm and he and Minerva worked at rubbing it into the wounds. Then Severus removed the bandages on his arms.

"I-is there anyway those aren't self-inflicted?" Minerva asked slowly.

"I'm sorry to say that I highly doubt that." Severus sighed. They rubbed a different balm over his arms as well.

"What happened here?" Albus Dumbledore asked as he strode into the Hospital wing.

"Potter was beat by his uncle. I was informed by an anonymous source, and arrived to remove him from his relative's house. When I arrived, he was attempting to kill himself by slitting his throat. I believe the wounds on his arms are of his own doing, and he has attempted suicide before." Severus said solemnly, pointing out the thick scars on the boy's wrists.

At that moment Harry woke. Startled by the presence of several people, he cried out and bolted from the bed, but Severus caught him. Harry struggled for a moment before realizing he was in a safe place. He looked up to see Severus holding him, and noticed he was topless. He looked down ashamedly. Severus placed him back on the bed and Minerva placed a blanket around his shoulders. He flinched as her hand touched his shoulder.

"Harry, would you mind telling us what happened to you, and why we were not informed?" Albus asked calmly. Harry began to shake as he drew his knees up to his chest, curling himself into a ball with his back against the wall. He was silent.

"Harry? It's okay, we only want to help you." Minerva reassured him.

"We won't tell anyone if you wish this to be kept secret, but we would like to know what has been going on for the last few weeks." Severus added.

"What's the date?" Harry asked.

"July 28th." Albus answered. A month. A full month he had survived his relatives. Four long, agonizing weeks he had suffered at his relatives' hands.

"You won't tell anyone? You won't send me back?" he asked. The three Professors seemed startled that he even had the idea they would send him back.

"No Harry. You never have to see those foul excuses for human beings ever again." Harry was taken aback by the anger in Severus' voice and startled at the use of his first name.

"Start with something easy. What happened to your arms?" Minerva asked. Harry looked down again, pulling himself into a tighter ball.

"I did it." He said softly. Minerva put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he flinched and shrunk away from the touch.

"If you would like Harry, you could put memories in a pensive for us to view." Albus suggested. Harry nodded, and he left the room for a moment. He came back with an empty pensive.

"You may keep this Harry. I was planning on sending it for your birthday." After teaching him how to use it, Harry placed a few memories in the pensive. The first and second days, his first suicide attempt, and another small beating. He left out the rapes, they would hate him if they found out. No one could ever know.

"Potter, is there something you left out?" Snape asked after viewing his memories. Harry shook his head, drawing further into himself. "Harry, she spoke to me. She was there when it happened. She told me to get you out." Severus said softly. Harry began crying. Snape knew. He was sure to use this against Harry, even if he was being kind to him now. Harry would never live this down.

"No." He whispered.

"Harry?" Minerva asked. "Harry, you always know you can tell me anything. I was there, when you were a baby and we left you with those people. We thought it was best, but we were wrong, terribly wrong. I'm so sorry." She said.

"Perhaps we should let him get some rest. It is getting late." Severus said, realizing he was not about to give up any more information.

Harry was woken in the morning by the Weasley's rushing into the hospital wing. He buried his face in his pillow, missing the bliss of unconsciousness. Mrs. Weasley tried to tame his hair and he flinched. So much for ignoring them.

"Harry?" Ron asked. He rolled over to face the family that considered him one of their own.

"Oh Harry." Hermione said softly, catching sight of his still bare upper body, which was still slightly bruised, as well as containing a couple scars from the abuse. His arms were also still heavily bandaged. She hugged him, and he shrank away. He tried to control himself, but for some reason he flinched at the touch of others. Probably because the only time people had touched him in the last month was to cause him pain.

"Why didn't you tell us Harry?" Molly Weasley asked. Harry looked down.

"His Uncle forced him to write letters saying he was okay." Minerva said. Albus took them all to the other side of the hospital wing to explain. They seemed to be making a decision before wandering back over to Harry's bedside. Harry wished they wouldn't crowd around like that.

"Harry, you are going to stay with us for the rest of the summer, but Dumbledore would like for you to stay here another day or two." Harry went numb. He couldn't stay with them. He was nervous just laying on his bed with them all around. There were too many, all he wanted was to be alone. And his dreams . . .

The Weasley's hung around for a few hours before leaving. Harry was left in blissful silence. That is, until Minerva and Albus returned, supporting an obviously badly wounded Severus. He was laid on the bed next to Harry, the closest one to the door. As they rushed around the hospital wing, Harry slowly drifted off to sleep.

Harry woke in the middle of the night. He noticed that Severus was awake, and looking at him. Harry guessed that he had been punished by Voldemort. At times he almost felt sorry for him, especially during his dreams.

"You don't want to go, do you?" He asked, startling Harry. Harry shook his head.

"I believe I owe you an apology. I never knew of your life at home. Everyone expected you to be a pampered prince, even if you were living with muggles." He said. Harry was quiet. He was angry too.

"Far from it." He growled out. "I lived in a cupboard under the stairs. I was no better off than a house elf." He snarled, trying to keep his temper in check. All his anger toward his uncle was beginning to build up. Severus got up and left, and Harry calmed, slowly beginning to fall asleep again.


	3. Snape Manor

The next morning Madame Pomfrey had returned to Hogwarts. She decided that she too needed to look over Harry and make sure Snape and McGonagall had done an acceptable job healing him. Madame Pomfrey and Harry wrestled for a moment, as she wanted to remove his shirt and bandages. But the Weasley's and some of the order were in the hospital wing, wanting to make sure Harry was okay with their own two eyes. Too many people. He didn't want them knowing. As she got his shirt off, he panicked and lost control of his magic, throwing her off him and bolting for the door. It magically locked behind him as he fled deep into the castle passageways.

He passed by a startled Snape who had been about to enter the hospital wing. Seeing that the doors were locked, Snape followed him. He found Harry in a mostly unused back passageway, curled up into a ball in one of the corners, staring off into space. Snape approached a silently as possible.

"Leave me alone." Harry said, his eyes never leaving the spot he was staring at, somewhere on the wall across from him. Snape was slightly surprised.

"Why don't you want to be around anyone?" Snape asked. Harry was quiet. Since when did Snape care about anyone else? "What are you going to do when school starts? You share a dormitory with four other boys." Harry looked down.

"Harry, I know what happened. I know all of it, even what you hid from the Headmaster. It doesn't make you any different. No one will care, and they won't hate you." Snape said.

"How . . . " Harry finally spoke.

"Rita came to me after she saw what had happened to you. Don't worry about her, though, I obliviated her. You're also projecting your feelings everywhere. That, and you're not the only person I know who was raped." he said.

"I just want to be alone." Harry said, finally dropping his guard ever so slightly. Snape sighed. Better get this over with.

"If you want, I will speak with Dumbledore. I will try to convince him that the last thing you need right now is the Weasley's breathing down your neck constantly." Snape offered. "Most likely, though, you will not be allowed to stay at Hogwarts. It's too easy for you to hide out long enough to succeed in killing yourself."

"Where will I go then?" Harry asked.

"I can take you to my house, Snape Manor, if Dumbledore allows it." Harry looked up at Snape. For a moment a strange look flitted across his face, but his mask was up again in seconds. Harry had definitely seen a couple different emotions, pain the major one. Harry nodded.

"I think I'd like that better." Harry said quietly.

"Will you come back to the hospital wing now?" He asked.

"I...there's too many people there." Harry said, shaking slightly.

"Very well, we will both go to see Dumbledore." Snape said, holding out his hand to help Harry up. Harry looked at it wearily. Why was Snape being so kind all of a sudden? Harry decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, as they say, and shakily took Snape's hand. Snape easily pulled Harry up, frowning at how light he was. The two swiftly made their way to Dumbledore's office, only to find him waiting for them already.

"Come in my boys, come in. Tea? Lemon drop? No, very well then. What brings you here today?" Dumbledore greeted them in his usual manner. Harry decided to speak up before Snape could.

"I was wondering if I could stay somewhere different than with the Weasleys." Harry said quietly, sitting in a chair and pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Why ever so, Harry? I thought the Weasley's were your friends." Dumbledore asked.

"They are, but...there's a lot of people...I don't..." Harry struggled with his words.

"What he's trying to say is that he panics when there are too many people around." Snape said.

"I'm sure he will be able to cope. They are as good as Harry's family, after all. What he needs in this time of distress is his family." Dumbledore said.

"No offence, Albus, but you know nothing about abuse, nor what abused children need. The Weasley's will smother him, thinking he needs massive amounts of affection. He will flinch away from their touch and panic when there are too many people around. They will not understand that he is not afraid of them, but people in general. Don't forget that he is suicidal, Albus. What happens if he tries again?" Snape said. Harry sat silently throughout the tirade, his knees pulled up to his chest as he sat curled in his chair.

"You think that you could take better care of him, Severus?" Dumbledore asked. He obviously expected Snape to still act hatefully toward Harry and refuse to take care of him.

"Frankly, I do." Snape said. Dumbledore obviously did not expect this.

"And you agree with this, Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"He's been acting nicer toward me these past couple days. He...somehow he understands. If it's either the Weasley's or the Professor...I think I'd rather stay with him." Harry said quietly and slowly, picking his words carefully, wary of angering anyone. Dumbledore was quiet for a few minutes, digesting this information and deciding what to do.

"Do you have a plan, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

"I would like to take him to my manor. It is small, and with the house elves it would be harder for him to hide away if he attempts again." Snape said.

"There are house elves here, Severus." Dumbledore said.

"But there are many hidden places in this castle that Potter no doubt knows well. My manor is strange to him, but I know it perfectly." Snape said.

"I suppose you could go to your manor...for a little while. Give Harry a week or so to heal." Dumbledore said.

"Something like this is not going to just 'heal,' especially not in just a week." Snape sneered.

"I don't think he should spend the whole summer hidden away at your manor. I will let you go there for a week, if you bring him back to Hogwarts for the rest of the vacation. He needs to interact with people." Dumbledore said. Both Harry and Snape nodded their acceptance.

"And how do you suggest I keep watch on him if he is still suicidal when we return?" Snape asked.

"That, I shall leave up to you, Severus. It was your idea, after all." Dumbledore said. Snape scowled.

"Very well. We shall be off shortly." Severus said. Dumbledore nodded and Snape motioned for Harry to get up and precede him out the door.

"I need to gather up a few things from my personal quarters. You are to return to the hospital wing. There should be less people there. Wait for me, I will not be long." Snape said. Harry nodded, and slowly wandered back to the hospital wing. He hoped if he was slow enough that he would have just made it there by the time Snape did. He was lucky enough that it did happen. Snape came sweeping up behind him just as he reached the doors to the infirmary.

"Is there anything you need?" Snape asked.

"No. I think my things are still at the Dursley's. Will you get them for me sometime? I don't trust them not to destroy my possessions." Harry said.

"Very well. I will take you to the manor and retrieve your things."

"Thank you." Harry said quietly. "There's a loose floorboard in my room where I hide my most valuable things from them - my photo album, my broomstick, and my cloak. The rest of my things are in my trunk." Harry said. Snape nodded and removed a pendant from around his neck, hidden beneath his robes. Harry looked at it confused.

"It's a portkey. I find it too dangerous to have a floo connection to my house." Snape explained. Harry nodded his understanding and nervously reached for it. They soon appeared in a surprisingly cozy looking room. It was what looked like a small living room with a comfy overstuffed chair in Slytherin green and a silver and green patterned rug. There were a couple bookshelves stuffed with books and a small mahogany table on which rested several candlesticks in silver holders. Snape led Harry to a room a few doors down.

"You may have this room. Get some rest. If you need anything, call the house elves. Their names are Dotty and Bobble." And with that he left, leaving Harry in blissful solitude.


	4. Truths Revealed

Harry crawled into the large bed that was in the room. Surprisingly the décor wasn't green and silver. The walls were a deep blue with black moldings, curtains and bed hangings. Harry buried himself under the blankets, sheets, and heavy comforter that were on the bed, pulling them right up over his head. He stayed like this for hours.

When he felt slightly better, he resurfaced from the mound of blankets. He pulled his beloved dagger out of its sheath, fingering the smooth, cool metal. Luckily enough he had never let go of the knife until they reached Hogwarts. He had found it under his bed in the hospital wing the first time he woke, and quickly grabbed it.

He replaced the knife in its sheath as a pop sounded. It was a small house elf, looking similar to Winky. It wore the standard house elf drab, but instead of a white tea-towel, it was black, and instead of the Hogwarts crest it had what was no doubt the Snape family crest. It featured a silver colored potion vial with a green snake twisting around it. Harry wondered if his family had a crest. From what he had gathered, the Potters were an upstanding pureblood family. He also wondered what the Black crest was, as they no doubt had one. He was broken out of his pondering by a high-pitched voice.

"Dotty has brought Sir his supper. Master says you are to drink this potion before you eat. Is there anything sir is needing?" The house elf said as she handed Harry a potion and set down a tray of food. Harry looked to his arms and noticed blood had begun to show through from the cuts re-opening when he was fighting against Madame Pomfrey

"Could you please get me some clean bandages for my arms?" Harry asked, showing her part of one arm so she knew what he wanted.

"Yes Sir, of course Sir. Dotty will be right back with Sir's bandages." And with that the house elf left. Harry looked at the potion with distaste, but downed it anyway. He turned to the food and picked up the goblet of pumpkin juice. It wasn't the fanciest food, chicken soup and some fresh fruit. Harry guessed they were trying to give him simple foods, as he hadn't eaten very much lately.

"Here is Sir's bandages. Anything else Dotty can do for Sir?" The house elf asked as she returned to the room.

"No thank you. I'd just like to be alone." Harry said. Dotty left and Harry got up and crossed the room to where there was a door, no doubt leading into a bathroom. He turned the shower on and stepped in, carefully washing away the dried blood before re-bandaging his arms. Even though most of the cuts were healed, Harry felt the need to wrap up his entire arm. It was like a layer of protection, hiding his pain from the world, protecting his emotions.

The next morning Harry was just beginning to get sick of the silence when a knock on his door startled him.

"Come in." He said. Snape entered. Harry hadn't really expected it to be anyone else. Harry sat up on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest. He wasn't quite sure he completely trusted Snape.

"How are you feeling?" Snape asked.

"Why?" Harry whispered.

"Why what?" Snape asked.

"Why do you care? Why are you being nice all of a sudden? Why?" Harry asked. Pain and confusion were evident in his voice. Snape sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Harry, there is something of importance that I must tell you. I beg of you not to overreact, and let me finish. You may not believe me, but I assure you it is the truth." To say Harry was startled by what Snape had just said was a grave understatement. Snape sighed again, then took a deep breath.

"James Potter was not your father." Snape said. Harry's eyes widened and he became perfectly still. Snape continued on, though Harry thought he already knew what he was going to say.

"I am your biological father. Please let me explain to you. In school, Lily and I had a relationship, but something went wrong. She fell for Potter. I was crushed when she married him. One day they had a fight right before Potter had to go on a mission. Lily was distressed thinking he might die and she hadn't even said goodbye. She turned to an old friend. Alcohol was involved, and things went too far." Snape explained in a quiet voice. Harry was quiet for a long time.

"But I look just like him . . . " Harry whispered.

"You are a metamorphmagus. When you were very young, you would imitate those around you. Potter found a spell to stop you from changing your features, and used it when you had imitated him and Lily. I believe it might be wearing off, though. Have you noticed that your hair has not grown at all since Hogwarts?" Harry thought about it. It explained why he had been able to grow his hair back overnight.

"But you hate me." He continued in the same whisper.

"No, I hate James Potter." Severus said in a softer voice. He sat on the bed beside Harry before explaining. "He took my chance at a family. I was forbidden from seeing you. I never even got a glimpse of you until you came to Hogwarts, and you just looked so much like him. I hated Potter because he stole the woman I loved, and he stole my own son. Please understand." Snape almost pleaded.

"I...I need to be alone." Harry croaked out, and Snape got up to leave.

"I should have told you when you were old enough to understand, but it was forbidden to remove you from your relative's care. I am truly sorry." Snape said as he left. Harry ran to his bathroom. The blackness was returning, the sense of having no control, the panic, it was all coming back. He grabbed his dagger and cut the skin on the inside of his arms furiously. But something made him stop. His childhood fantasy had finally come true. He had a father. His very own father had come and saved him from the Dursley's. How ironic that it was his most hated teacher. Whoever was controlling his life had a twisted sense of humor.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

After speaking with Harry, Snape returned to his rooms to think things through. Harry's reaction was different than he thought it would be. He had expected Harry to be angry, to not believe him, to shout and yell. But all he did was sit there. Snape could tell he was in shock. He didn't blame the boy. He just hoped he didn't do something drastic. Luckily Snape had placed a ward around his room to alert him if Harry harmed himself again.

Almost as soon as he left, the alarm went off. Snape manipulated the spell to show him Harry. He was leaning over the sink, dagger in hand. Snape watched the boy drag it over his skin once or twice, but he hesitated as he went back to cut again. He stared at his arms and the slightly bloody knife he held, then looked at himself in the mirror. He cleaned out the wounds and bandaged them as Snape deactivated the spell he used, satisfied that Harry wouldn't kill himself. He'd confront him later about harming himself. Right now it was probably best to give him some space.


	5. Back to Hogwarts

Harry sat on the floor of his room, in the corner. His knees were drawn up to his chest, arms resting on them. His back was against the wall and his head was resting on his arms. The conversation he just had played through his head again. He focused on something relatively safe. Snape said he was a metamorphmagus, but his father – no, James, Snape was his father, had found a spell to stop him from changing. Could it be deactivated? What did he truly look like, if this was only a copy of James? Why hadn't anyone told him before now? Surely someone else knew. Maybe James and Lily had wanted to keep it a secret, and only they knew of it, besides Snape.

What did this mean? Had Snape accepted him as his own? _It only took some rapes and beatings and two attempted suicides. He must really care._ Harry thought to himself sarcastically. Then again, the knowledge that Harry Potter was his son would have jeopardized Snape's position as a Death Eater. Actually, it would have jeopardized his position as a living, breathing person. After a while a house elf popped in with Harry's lunch and some potions.

"Master has sent Sir some potions. This one Sir must drink before he eats. This one is a calming potion if Sir thinks that Sir needs it, and the last one is a healing potion for Sir's arms. Does Sir need anything else?" The house elf, Dotty, asked.

"No, I'm fine." Harry said. The house elf left and Harry once more downed the disgusting potion before eating. Today he had Beef Stew and a biscuit and some pumpkin juice. After eating about half of it he turned to the other two potions. Was Snape actually worried about him? He set the potions aside. If the cuts healed, he wouldn't be able to feel the pain from them, and he would cut himself again. He wanted the pain. It was a reminder that he was real, that he was at least in some ways normal. That he was still capable of feeling, unlike Voldemort who seemed almost emotionless, except for anger.

Harry spent most of the day lying around his room. He just didn't have the energy to do much else. After supper he fell asleep. He was still weak from the Dursley's tender care, and all of the emotional stress. He never had gotten the status report on the injuries he had received. He didn't remember much of the first day he had been in the hospital wing.

The next morning there was once again a knock on the door. Again, it was Snape.

"You didn't take the healing potion. It will heal your arms. It's not poison." Snape said, noticing the vial sitting beside Harry's bed.

"I'd rather let it heal by itself." Harry said. He did not want to talk about this now.

"It will scar if you leave it be. Drink the potion. It will eliminate the chance of scarring."

"Maybe I want it to scar." Harry snapped, losing his temper. "That's why everyone cares about me anyway, because of a stupid scar, isn't it!" Harry nearly yelled. His temper quickly disappeared after the small outburst. He wasn't ready to discuss this just yet. "I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to lose my temper." Harry said quietly. Snape thought he detected fear in the boy's voice, which quickly quelled his own anger. He would do his best to not frighten the boy.

"Are you mad? That I didn't tell you sooner?" Snape broke the silence that had followed the yelling. Harry thought for a minute. Was he mad?

"I...I'm not mad. I'm just...confused." Snape looked slightly relieved at Harry's words. After a moment, Harry spoke again.

"You said I'm a metamorphmagus. Is there anyway to reverse the spell my fath – James put on me? Is there anyway to know what I truly look like?" Harry asked. Snape was silent a moment before speaking.

"I'm not positive what spell they used, but I have an idea as to the spell. With some research it can be reversed. You would have to speak with Tonks to find out how to revert to your normal form I'm afraid. Though after fifteen years the spell must have weakened some. Perhaps you can overpower it." Snape said.

"I think I did once, before I knew about magic. My aunt was sick of my hair always being messy, so she shaved all of it off, except for my bangs. Somehow it grew back overnight." Harry said.

"Perhaps." Snape said. The slightly awkward silence returned once more. "If you have any questions, I will answer them to the best of my knowledge." Snape said at last. Harry nodded and was quiet a moment longer.

"Why didn't you try to gain custody of me after Voldemort was gone, when I was at the Dursley's?" Harry asked.

"Dumbledore convinced everyone that you were safe there. I thought you might be happier growing up with a family rather than a bitter ex-Death Eater. When you came to Hogwarts, I was blinded by my hatred of Potter." Snape said.

"If...if you would have known, you...you wouldn't have left me there...would you?" Harry asked in a quiet voice.

"Never, Harry." Snape said fiercely. The tone of voice and lack of hesitation convinced Harry he was telling the truth. That, and the fact that he used his given name. Up until then he had been avoiding calling Harry by any name, not wanting to remind himself of James with the name Potter, nor knowing if using his first name seemed too casual too soon.

"What happens now?" Harry asked.

"I'm not exactly sure." Severus said. Harry nodded slightly, looking down again.

The rest of the week passed quietly, much to Harry's relief. He and Severus had a few more conversations, getting to know each other a little bit. It wasn't quite as awkward between them anymore. Harry spent most of the time in his room, but toward the end of the week began to wander out into the rest of the manor a little bit.

Harry may have escaped the torment of the Dursley's, but it seemed impossible to escape Voldemort. A couple days after he had arrived at Snape's manor, he had a vision. He woke screaming, and became even more frantic when he realized there were hands pinning him down. He struggled for a minute before full out panicking.

"I'm sorry Uncle Vernon, please don't hurt me." he begged. The hands flew away as if they had been burnt. Harry slowly cracked open his eyes to see Severus staring down at him. Harry thought he caught sight of sorrow deep within the dark eyes, but the mask was back up in seconds.

"Sorry." Harry whispered.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, I...it was just a vision."

"A vision?" Severus asked.

"What we were trying to prevent during occulmency last year." Harry whispered, afraid of angering Severus by reminding him of the pensive incident last year.

"I apologize if I frightened you." Severus said.

"It's okay." Harry said. Severus said goodnight and left the room. Harry lay awake for a few moments before sleep once more claimed him.

All too soon, it was time to return to Hogwarts. Harry had come to like the solitude of Severus' manor. He supposed it wouldn't be too bad at Hogwarts, though. There probably weren't a lot of people there in the summer.

Unfortunately, Madame Pomfrey was one of the people still there, and as always, insisted on checking Harry over for any lingering injuries.

"Ready to try this again Potter?" Madame Pomfrey said as she came over to Harry. Harry looked around the room. Only McGonagall, Dumbledore and Snape were there. Even though they already knew, he didn't want them to see.

"You needn't remove the bandages on his arms, they are from the first time he was brought here. I assure you nothing is wrong with them." Snape said.

"And you needn't tell me how to do my job." Madame Pomfrey snapped as she bustled around.

"Unless you want a repeat of last time, I suggest you leave him be." Snape said. Professor McGonagall seemed slightly surprised that Snape was defending Harry.

"He's seems relatively unharmed. Some of his older injuries are still healing slightly, but otherwise he is fine." Madame Pomfrey reported once she finished checking Harry over. She went to her office leaving the three professors and Harry alone.

"Well then Mr. Potter, we must be setting up a room for your stay here. Can't have you all the way up in your dormitory all alone, now can we?" Dumbledore said cheerfully. Harry knew it wasn't concern for his social behavior that Dumbledore was talking about, rather the fact that he had tried to commit suicide. After all, a suicidal person can't be trusted alone, now can they?

"There's just the question of where to put you. Obviously you will need to be close to Severus here, since he currently has guardianship of you..." Dumbledore trailed off, mumbling to himself.

"Are you going to tell them?" Harry asked as Snape walked over to him. Snape stiffened slightly.

"Sorry!" Harry said quickly, moving away from him slightly.

"It's okay. They will find out sooner or later no matter what. If you want, I will tell them now." Snape said.

"I . . . I think it would be better to . . . to tell them." Harry said slightly nervously. Snape looked at Harry, concerned.

"I am not going to hurt you." Snape said quietly. He was slightly hurt that Harry was so jumpy around him. Damn those muggles.

"I-I know, I'm just . . . " Harry trailed off. Snape turned back to Dumbledore and McGonagall who had been watching the conversation, confused.

"I'm afraid there is something I've been keeping from you for a while, about Harry. Only Potter, Lily and I knew." Snape paused for a moment before continuing. "James Potter isn't Harry's father." Snape finally said. McGonagall gasped and Dumbledore had a mildly surprised look on his face. "I am." He continued quietly. McGonagall sank down onto a nearby bed fanning herself.

"I-I don't . . . but he looks . . . " McGonagall mumbled.

"I assure you it is the truth." Snape said.

"Well then, perhaps a room within Severus' quarters wouldn't be out of place." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling at the two.


	6. The Cubs

Harry woke in the morning slightly confused before recognizing that he was in his new room, a room that was connected to Severus' living quarters. He stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom to take a shower, wincing slightly as soap seeped into one of his deeper cuts. He quickly got dressed in a set of robes that were in his wardrobe and left his room to find his father - how odd to refer to any living person as his father - looking over more books.

"Good morning. I was looking over some spell books for a counter curse." Snape said as Harry sat beside him. Harry picked up one of the books and began flipping through the pages. They sat in comfortable silence for a while.

"Would you like something to eat?" Snape asked. Harry nodded his head and Snape summoned a house elf. He went over to a cupboard and pulled out a potion vial.

"Drink this first."

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"It is not good to go without food for so long. The potion helps the stomach re-assimilate faster." Snape explained. Harry downed the potion and started eating. He only ate about half of the food. Snape frowned at him.

"Is that all you're eating?"

"I'm not hungry. I always eat less when I come back from vacation." Harry explained. Snape scowled but went back to his researching. Harry decided to join him, and they spent most of the day in silence, going through the spell books.

"I've found it. It's a combination of a freezing spell and a glamour spell." Snape said a few hours later.

"Is there a counter curse?" Harry asked.

"Yes. It's fairly simple. Would you like to try now?"

"Yes." Harry said.

"Ready?" Snape asked. Harry nodded. Snape began chanting something in Latin, pointing his wand at Harry. Harry was surrounded by a white glow for a few moments. Snape watched as the glow subsided.

"Did it work?" He asked.

"I don't know how to change." Harry said quietly as he looked at the floor.

"Try concentrating on a certain look, like blue eyes." Snape suggested. Harry tried. After several minutes he felt a strange tingle and looked up quickly.

"Did it work?" He asked. Snape handed him a mirror. Harry had lengthened his hair and changed his eyes brown.

"I suggest not to broadcast this new ability, it could come in quite useful if kept a secret." Snape said. Harry nodded, and within a few minutes had changed his eyes back to green and his hair to its normal length.

"Would you like to go to Diagon alley tomorrow? I have your Hogwarts letter here and we will avoid the bulk of Hogwarts students." Snape said, passing him an envelope. Harry nodded.

"Won't it be dangerous for you to be seen with me?" Harry asked.

"That's why I didn't ask until we broke the spell. You can simply change your features and no one will know it's you." Snape said.

"Okay, if you're sure."

That night Snape was woken up by screaming. He immediately ran to his son's room to find him curled on his bed sobbing.

"What happened? It wasn't another vision was it?" He asked, turning Harry to face him.

"N-nightmare." Harry said shakily.

"About what?" Snape was concerned about him, he had never seen Harry cry like this. He had almost never seen him cry at all.

"Everyone dead . . . blaming me . . . Voldemort . . . corpses . . . my fault." Harry managed to get out between sobs. Snape reached out to him but Harry winced when he touched his upper arms.

"Have you been cutting yourself again?" he asked, pulling up his sleeves. He had large black bruises on his arms that looked suspiciously like hand prints.

"Merlin, what happened? I thought all your bruises were gone." Harry looked down.

"When you were holding me down during my last vision." Harry said softly. Snape looked horrified.

"I did that? I'm sorry Harry. I didn't realize. I'd never intentionally hurt you." Snape said. He had promised himself long ago, when he himself was an abused child, that he would never intentionally hurt any child of his.

"It's okay. You were just trying to help." Harry said. Snape then did something completely unexpected. He hugged Harry.

"Go back to sleep." He said as he left Harry's room. He returned to his own room once again lost in thought. He had his son back, but he was bruised and broken, not at all like the defiant child he had been in his first few years at Hogwarts.

A little after noon Harry and Snape walked to the apparition point, preparing to go to Diagon Alley.

"Should I look like you?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter." Snape said. Harry was quiet for a few moments as his features slowly changed. His hair now reached his shoulders and he was a couple inches taller. His eyes were black, like Snape's and his face was slightly more angular.

"How are we getting there?" he asked.

"I will apparate both of us there." Snape answered. He grabbed hold of Harry's arm, careful of the bruises, and they disappeared.

Harry did his shopping quickly, not wanting to be around the crowds for long. He finished his school shopping and stopped in at the Magical Menagerie to buy more owl treats for Hedwig. As he was paying for his purchases there was a racket from one of the cages in the corner. Harry saw what looked like two very large black kittens. Intrigued, the owner opened the cage. Immediately the animals rushed for Harry, rubbing up against his legs and purring.

"Hey!" he shouted as one sunk his claws into Harry's leg. "What are they?"

"They're a rare and very magical form of black panthers. They choose the wizard they wish to be their master. I do believe they've chosen you." The owner of the shop informed him.

"I can't take them. I already have a pet owl, and I can't have more than one pet at Hogwarts." Harry said sadly. "Hey, stop that!" the cubs had firmly attached themselves to the hem of Harry's robes and seemed to be trying to climb up them.

"How do I get rid of them?" he asked desperately, trying to pull the cubs off. He hissed in pain as one scratched his hand, drawing blood. He watched as the cub licked the blood, and the cut healed before his very eyes. While he was distracted the other cub got at his arm, copying his siblings actions. A strange feeling came over him, and he could sense the cubs for a few moments before it faded.

"I'm afraid you can't. They've bonded themselves to you. They will follow you even if you leave. You are quite lucky, these cubs are very rare and twins are almost unheard of."

"There are rules about magical animals such as these. The Headmaster will allow it." Snape told Harry.

"How much? I guess I'll need food and a cage as well." Harry said resignedly. Harry paid the shop owner and received a collapsible cage along with food, some toys and two chain leashes. Upon returning to Hogwarts Harry changed back to his 'James Potter' face and followed Snape to the headmaster's office.

"Ah, Harry, Severus, have a seat. Lemon drop?" He asked. Harry sat down and the two cubs jumped into his lap.

"No thanks." Snape declined. "It seems that Harry has been chosen by these two cubs to be their master. They bonded themselves with him before he had a chance to protest." Harry absentmindedly stroked the cubs as the Headmaster gazed at him.

"Well, you are quite lucky. Don't worry about the one pet rule, there are exceptions in these cases. You may keep the cubs and your owl."

"Thank you Professor Dumbledore." Harry said. Harry took the cubs down to his room and fed them. He watched amused as they wrestled with each other.

"So what are you going to name them?" Snape said, startling Harry.

"I don't know yet." He said.

"Do you want to have supper here or would you like to join the rest of the staff?" He asked.

"What do you want to do?" he asked back.

"I'll just have a house elf bring us food."


	7. Confrontations

Harry spent most of the morning in his room, watching over the cubs. They were exactly identical except for their eyes. The one he had named Midnight had brilliant silver eyes, like the moon reflecting off calm water. The other one, named Sangue, had golden colored eyes that seemed to twinkle with mischief. Harry could tell that they would be a handful.

In the few hours they had been awake that morning they had already pulled all the blankets off Harry's bed, completely shredding one of them, and found their way into his bathroom, pulling everything onto the floor. Now they were wrestling with each other on top of the shredded blanket while Harry quickly cleaned up the mess.

"Do you have to destroy everything in sight?" he asked the cubs. They stopped their fight for a moment, Midnight pinning down his brother, to gaze at their human. Midnight leapt off of Sangue and ran over to Harry who was sitting on the ground with his back against his bed. Midnight crawled into his lap and started purring while Sangue started licking Harry's face.

"Hey, stop that!" he said, laughing slightly. "Fine. I forgive you." He joked. Right now the cubs were about six months old and weighed about fifteen pounds each. They would be fully-grown in two or three years. Right now all they ate was mushy food and milk from a bottle, but once they matured they would eat meat and be able to hunt for themselves.

"It's time for lunch." Snape shouted through Harry's door. The cubs followed behind Harry. Snape handed Harry yet another potion.

"May I bring Midnight and Sangue outside?" Harry asked. Snape thought for a moment.

"For a little while. Madame Pomfrey ordered you to take it easy for a few days." Snape said.

"Okay."

"That means no flying." Snape said. Harry's face fell.

"You have been through a lot. You are lucky there was no damage to your organs or you would still be in the hospital wing, possibly even St. Mungo's. You need to take it easy for the next week or so." Snape reasoned.

"Yes sir." Harry said, looking down. Midnight had crawled into Harry's lap again and Sangue was trying to pull him down. After a moment, he succeeded.

"Do Weasley and Granger know of this?" Snape asked. Harry froze. He had been trying to forget the reason he was here. What would his friends think? He didn't know how much Dumbledore had told the Weasley's, but he didn't want them knowing anymore. Ron wouldn't take the news about his Father very well either. He didn't notice that he had begun to shake, but Snape did.

"Harry?" He asked. Harry bolted to the bathroom and retched as the horrible memories resurfaced. He just wanted to forget. As he crawled onto his bed, his father followed him into the room.

"Harry?" Snape asked, sitting on the side of his bed. He placed a hand on Harry's shoulder but he flinched and shied away from the touch as if he thought he would be hit. Midnight and Sangue, realizing something was wrong with their human, jumped onto his bed, snuggling themselves close to Harry, who was curled in a tight ball, and tried to comfort him. Snape tried to comfort him as well, rubbing his back soothingly. After a moment Harry stopped flinching from the contact.

"I know it's hard, but you have to talk about it." Snape said.

"No, I don't." Harry said.

"It's not going to just go away." Snape said a little more harshly than he meant to. "Trust me, I know." He added in a quiet voice.

"You don't know anything about me." Harry said coldly.

"You need to calm down, I'm only trying to help you!" Snape answered in the same harsh tone.

"Calm down? Calm down! My entire life just fell apart before my very eyes and you want me to calm down!" Harry hissed, standing up. "Maybe it's just too difficult for you to understand. Maybe I have to break things down a bit. Let's see . . . first off, I just found out my entire identity is a lie! My father, who I thought was dead, is actually my potion's professor, a man who before now dedicated his entire existence to making me miserable! My headmaster, who thinks he knows what's best for everyone, left me to rot in that hell hole with my so-called relatives! It's only a matter of time before the entire wizarding wold finds out I can't even stand up to my muggle uncle, and to top it all off, I'm the boy-who-won't-bloody-freakin'-DIE and I have to kill that sadistic bastard Voldemort before he kills me! I think I'm WAY past being calm!" Harry shouted before stalking out of the room, Midnight and Sangue on his heels. All Snape could do was stare at the spot where his son had been moments before.

Harry stalked through the halls not paying attention to where he was going. He just needed somewhere to be alone, to clear his mind. He soon found himself outside the stretch of wall that hid the Room of Requirement. He paced until the door appeared and promptly collapsed on the squishy armchair he found inside, his two cubs jumping into his lap again. He absently stroked Sangue's soft fur. He hadn't meant to blow up like that, sometimes it was just impossible for him to control his temper. He didn't know how long he sat, but he stayed like that for a long time.

"I guess I have to go back, huh Midnight?" Harry said. He was dreading Snape's reaction. "Come on, get off." He said, standing up as the cubs leapt off his lap. "You do know that eventually you'll be too big to do that, right?" He told the cubs, laughing slightly at the look of disbelief on Sangue's face. He made his way slowly back to the entrance to his bedroom, becoming more and more nervous with each step. He hissed his password to the snake and entered his rooms. When he didn't see his father, he exited his room, out into the rest of their apartments.

Snape's living quarters were set up almost like a house. When Harry exited his room he was on a balcony overlooking an open area. Both his and his Father's bedrooms were on the second floor of the area. To his left was a flight of stairs leading down into the open area, which was a casual sitting room. There were a few comfortable armchairs and a large overstuffed sofa in the room, along with a coffee table in front of the fireplace. Around the walls were numerous bookcases filled with all kinds of books. Harry had been surprised to find not only fiction books, but muggle fiction books as well. There were two doors opposite the staircase. One led to Snape's personal potion lab and storeroom and the other led to a small study. Underneath the balcony was a large doorway leading into a small kitchen/dining room. Both Harry and Severus had their own private bathroom connected to their bedrooms. As Harry exited his room, he found his father pacing in front of the fireplace. He quickly caught sight of Harry and rushed over to him.

"Where have you been!" Snape shouted. He immediately regretted it as Harry flinched violently and slowed his pace.

"I'm sorry Sir. I didn't mean to yell at you. I didn't mean to lose my temper." Harry said quietly. Snape could tell he was scared.

"It's alright Harry, I suppose you have a right." Snape said, his anger completely gone. After a moment he spoke again. "I'm not going to hurt you. I was just a little worried." He said, not really wanting to admit it. But then again, he'd do anything to get his son out of the habit of always expecting to be hit. He just couldn't stand the submissive nature that bastard Dursley had literally beaten into him. Harry seemed slightly relieved that he wouldn't be punished. Snape let his emotionless mask slip away as he put his hands on his son's shoulders. As expected Harry flinched, but soon accepted the gentle touch.

"I swear I will never hurt you Harry. I just want the son I was robbed of back. I just want you to trust me, and I'll do whatever it takes." Snape said, staring into Harry's eyes. Snape hated the haunted look in his son's eyes, the eyes of someone far to wise for his age. The eyes of someone who had seen enough suffering in one lifetime. The eyes of someone who had endured more pain than any one person should have to. Harry saw a mix of emotions in his father's eyes. Sadness, remorse, and longing were dominant.

"I know you won't hurt me. I . . . it's just a . . . reflex." Harry said quietly, letting his eyes slip to the ground. Again Snape's thoughts turned to the most painful ways of killing the Dursley's.

"Why don't we finish lunch, you've hardly eaten anything." He said after a moment.

"I'm not hungry." Harry said.

"I doubt a bird could survive on the amount of food you've eaten today." Snape said, his voice portraying that there would be no arguing.

"Why do you live in the castle instead of your house?" Harry asked after a few moments of silence. Snape was quiet a moment before answering.

"I can't live there." He said. Harry could tell there was a double meaning to his words.

"Why?" Harry asked. Snape seemed lost on how to continue.

"You are aware that I am a death eater," It was a statement, not a question, "And that toward the end of the Dark Lord's first reign, I became a spy. When Voldemort fell, I was captured by aurors and held in Azkaban." Snape continued in a sad voice. "Dumbledore spoke for me at my trial, but the fact remained that I had been a loyal death eater and I had killed and tortured along with all the rest. They wouldn't let me off just because I had seen the error of my ways. Since Professor Dumbledore believed in my innocence, he was, in a way, given custody of me. Hogwarts became my prison, still is my prison. I cannot leave the castle for long periods of time, and I am supposed to have Dumbledore's permission." Snape said. Harry was staring at his plate, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Anything is better than Azkaban." Harry said. Snape caught a brief flash of fear in his eyes at the mention of Azkaban. "That's not the only reason you can't live there." Harry said. Damn. This kid was too perceptive.

"Bad memories." Snape said after a moment, his tone clearly telling Harry he didn't wish to take it further. Harry remained silent.

"How about we go outside, like you wanted to." Snape offered after a moment. Harry agreed and they spent the rest of the afternoon out by the lake. Things were slowly becoming normal between the two. Harry still had a way to go before he opened up though.


	8. Visons and Nightmares

A horrible shriek echoed through the dungeons, wrenching Severus Snape from sleep. Immediately he knew what was wrong and ran to his son's rooms. He thought it was only another nightmare, but he arrived in Harry's room to find him most definitely in a vision. He ran to Harry's side to try to wake the boy, but to no avail. He settled for pinning him down to keep him from hurting himself, praying he would wake soon. Someone must have been listening because soon after he stopped thrashing around. He was deathly still, his breathing shallow. After a moment he opened his eyes and tried to move away from the person holding him, but he was weak and Severus held him still.

"Harry? Harry, say something!" Severus demanded.

"He . . . killed . . . them . . . " Harry said slowly, his voice a hoarse whisper. He started coughing, and to Severus' horror, blood started coming up.

"I'll be right back. Lie still, but you must stay awake. I'm going to get you some potions." He rushed out of the room and returned with four vials. He mixed together a blue potion with a red one and passed it to Harry.

"What is it?" He asked in the same whisper. Snape rolled his eyes but part of him was glad his son was cautious.

"The blue one is for general lung injuries and the red one is for internal bleeding." He explained, and Harry drank the potion.

"This one is a painkiller, and the last one is a dreamless sleep potion." He said, passing Harry each potion in turn. Severus lingered a moment once Harry had fallen asleep again. He pushed a stray lock of hair out of his eyes and caught sight of his scar. It was a livid, ugly red, standing out sharply against the pale skin. As he watched, it began to slowly fade.

Severus returned to his room to think. Harry had been living at Hogwarts for a little over a week. He and Severus had begun to repair their relationship. Harry still wasn't willing to give up information on the Dursley's, but he would have to soon. As teachers it was their duty to report obvious signs of abuse, much as none of them wanted to. He would talk to Harry in a few days about that.

His thoughts turned back to what Harry had said. Someone had been killed. He hated the knowledge that his son had to watch first hand as Voldemort tortured and killed his victims. Who had been killed? Hopefully no one Harry knew, or he would find a way to blame himself, like he blamed himself for Cedric Diggory's and Black's deaths. He had found out that little tidbit in another shouting match a few days ago. He knew it wasn't good for Harry right now, he needed love and compassion, but sometimes the boy infuriated him so much . . .

Harry woke midmorning the next day. He was pale and a little shaky, but insisted he was fine. Severus forced some breakfast into him and left him to entertain himself for a little while. Severus returned to his son's room a few hours after lunch. He decided it would be best to tell him now, better sooner than later.

"Harry?"

"Yes?" Harry said, looking up from the book he was reading. Severus noted with amusement that it was a Quidditch book. Well, best to get it over quickly.

"Harry, we need to talk about the Dursley's, what they did to you." He said, noting the hint of panic that entered Harry's eyes. He continued before Harry could interrupt. "I know you don't want to, but we have to report the abuse. A lawyer will want to go over your claim, and you'll have to tell the truth, all of it." He said.

"No. There won't be a claim." He said, shaking his head.

"Harry, by law doctors, even Madame Pomfrey, and teachers have to report signs of child abuse. I'm sorry, but there's no way around it."

"There won't be a trial-" Harry started

"Harry-" Severus tried to interrupt.

"-Because Voldemort killed them." He continued. Whatever Severus was expecting, it wasn't that.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked, dreading the answer.

"Voldemort killed the Dursley's last night. He was coming to get me, but I wasn't there. He thought you sent me back to the Dursley's, so he attacked." Harry said in an almost emotionless voice. So he did know who was killed. His own relatives.

"Are you okay Harry?" Severus asked, placing a hand on his back. He flinched, but continued staring straight ahead. His knuckles were turning white from the death grip he had on his book.

"Maybe Vernon deserved it, but not Aunt Petunia. Even Dudley wasn't as bad as Vernon. And Aunt Petunia was the nicest. She wouldn't let him throw me out last summer. She didn't know about the beatings. She bandaged my arms when I slit my wrists. Sure she was still horrible, but she didn't deserve what Voldemort did to her." Harry said. He was still staring straight ahead, not blinking. He had begun to rock back and forth slightly, and a single tear slipped down his cheek. He continued his babbling as Severus wondered how to snap him out of it.

"Harry?" He asked. He moved his hand to Harry shoulder and shook him slightly. Another tear slipped down his face. Severus tried one last thing. He pulled the shocked boy into a comforting embrace. At first Harry was stiff, bracing himself for a punch or a kick, afraid of the touch. He was expecting to be beaten, not comforted. After a few moments, he relaxed, accepting the touch before he completely broke down. He began sobbing and he clutched at his father's robes like a lifeline.

"Harry? It's okay Harry, you're okay . . . " He said, trying to calm the boy down but not really knowing how. He had dealt with abused kids before, but not like this, not his own son. After a while he had cried himself to sleep. Severus gathered him in his arms and brought him to his bed. It took him a moment to pry Harry from him.

"I promise you no one will ever abuse you again so long as I live." He said softly to the now sleeping boy. He brushed Harry's hair out of his face, letting his hand linger for a moment. Right now Harry's hair just brushed his jaw line. His features were less like James' and more like Severus' own face. He was glad his son no longer looked like his childhood tormentor. Harry had decided to slowly change his features over the summer, growing his hair longer and changing his facial structure slightly. He hadn't told anyone else of his metamorphmagus abilities yet, and he wasn't planning to.

"Whenever you're ready to talk, I'll be there for you." He whispered, leaving the room. He scowled at himself as he passed by his bedroom mirror. "I'm going soft. Damn kid." He growled.

Harry woke a little while later, slightly embarrassed by the way he had acted. But what Severus didn't know was that he had heard what he said and was touched by it. No one had ever cared for him like that, as a son, except for maybe Sirius. He decided what he was going to do. He pulled out his pensive, the one Dumbledore gave him when he first arrived at Hogwarts. He had been filling it with his dreams, his visions, and his memories of the end of his fourth and fifth year. Now he filled it with the memories of the month he spent at the Dursley's house and other incidents, the way the Dursley's had treated him, what they told him of his parents and other things. It took some time, and dinner interrupted his work, but it was done.

It was now nighttime. He started on his way to his father's bedroom, but stopped. He wasn't sure if he could do this, not yet. No, he knew he couldn't do it. He just got Severus to like him, he couldn't show him this. He had kept it hidden so long, he was slightly afraid of letting it all out. He returned the pensive to its place, promising himself he would share it with his father sometime in the near future. Harry drifted into a restless sleep, disappointed with himself for chickening out.

Harry woke with a start in the middle of the night. He had had a nightmare about Him. He just wanted all the nightmares to go away. Before he realized what he was doing he had gone into his bathroom, knife in hand. He brought it down upon his arm, dragging it across the skin. Relief came with the sting of the blade and the small pools of crimson liquid. He switched hands, cutting his other arm, relishing the pain. When the blood began to drip onto the floor, he stopped himself, washing the blood off his arms and once again wrapping them in bandages. He cast a quick charm to clean the little bit of blood on the floor and returned to his bed. Midnight and Sangue were sitting outside the bathroom door, worried about their human.

"Hey Midnight, Sangue. Weren't you in your cage?" Harry asked. "Don't worry. I'm fine. Go back to sleep." He yawned, crawling into his bed. The two cubs jumped up beside him. "Don't give me that look." Harry said as Midnight stared at him in what seemed like disapproval. "Look at me, I'm talking to a panther cub. I must be more tired than I thought." He mused to himself before he drifted back to sleep, this time wonderfully devoid of nightmares and visions.

In the morning, the cuts had stopped bleeding and he removed the bandages. He placed a concealing charm on himself so his father would not worry about the cuts and headed downstairs for breakfast, his cubs on his heels.

"You're allowed to go flying if you want to Harry. Don't leave the cubs alone too long if you bring them with you." Severus announced after breakfast. Harry quickly shouted thank-you while running up the stairs to fetch his firebolt. He had missed flying more than words could express.

As soon as he left the entrance hall he hopped on his broom and flew to the Quidditch pitch. Amazingly Midnight and Sangue followed though it took them a bit longer than Harry. They were content to explore the Quidditch pitch and play with each other as their human soared overhead, going higher and higher before diving straight at the ground, pulling out at the last second, or zigzagging here and there, following complicated patterns in the air, perfectly content.


	9. Hospital Visits

It was once again the middle of the night, and Harry was wide-awake. Yet again, it was because of Him, the one who . . . who raped him. Slowly he dragged the blade across his skin, losing himself in the pain, letting it pull him back to reality, out of the memories. He watched, fascinated as the red liquid welled up from the wounds, gathering in small pools on his arms before slowly dripping off onto the sink or the floor. He could hear one of his cubs scratching at his door, making small mewing sounds, but he ignored it.

Harry didn't look too good as he stood by the sink. He was shifting from side to side, his eyes wide in fear, babbling under his breath. His breathing was labored, his heart racing. The knife slid across his arms almost automatically, making lines, sometimes small patterns. Just as he got close to the large vein in his wrist, the door burst open. Harry started, jerking the knife and making a deep cut in his arm before instinctively moving as far away from the intruder as possible.

Severus was horrified at the sight that met his eyes. He had been woken by one of Harry's cubs, Midnight he thought. Somehow he had wormed his way out of Harry's room. At first he tried to ignore him, but something in the animal's urgency, a look in his eyes, had caught his attention. He followed the cat to his brother who was scratching at the door of Harry's bathroom. He knocked, but there was no answer. Harry wasn't anywhere in the room. He heard whispers in the bathroom, and cautiously opened the door to find his son spilling his own blood all over the ground.

"Harry? Harry, can you hear me? Calm down Harry, I promise I won't hurt you. Please, calm down." He said, slowly advancing on the cowering child. He shrank back in fear, the sharp knife slicing into the base of his neck by accident. Taking a chance Severus grabbed at the knife, cutting his hand in the process, but succeeding in taking it. Harry was whimpering slightly, cowering in the corner of the room. He had to calm him down. Severus discreetly summoned a calming drought before turning back to Harry.

"It's okay Harry. You're safe. I'm here to help you." Severus said softly, reaching a hand out to him. He brushed the side of his face softly, and Harry flinched. He laid a gentle hand on his shoulder while the other one slowly stroked his hair. Slowly Harry brought his arms down and recognized who was there.

"Here, drink this. It will make you feel better. It's a calming draught." He said. Cautiously Harry took the vial. Severus saw him visibly relax as the potion took effect.

"Will you come down to the hospital wing?" Snape asked. Harry nodded. As they left Severus grabbed a hand towel and pressed it to Harry's arms. About halfway there Harry began to stumble.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Dizzy." Harry answered, supporting himself against the wall. 'He's lost a lot of blood.' Severus thought to himself, staring at the blood-soaked towel. He carefully picked Harry up and made his way to the hospital wing as fast as possible without running.

"Poppy! Poppy, get in here now!" he shouted, laying Harry down on a bed, pressing a clean sheet against the wounds as the towel was now completely saturated.

"What are you – oh dear lord! What happened?" she asked, rushing to the bed. She muttered a few charms, and the blood stopped and the wounds partially healed. She rushed to her potion cabinet, quickly looking through the vials.

"One of his cubs woke me up, and I found him in the bathroom cutting himself. He was terrified, and when I entered he shied away and cowered in the corner until I could give him a calming draught. I brought him here as soon as possible, but on the way he started getting dizzy, I think he lost too much blood." Severus explained quickly. Madame Pomfrey was forcing potions down his throat.

"I'm afraid I can't heal the scars. Magic can't fully heal self-inflicted wounds, unless the person so wishes."

"I noticed when we brought him here the first time. The scars on his arms didn't fade, but the others did." Severus said quietly.

"He should be okay, but he's unconscious because of the blood loss. I don't know how long he'll be under, it could be a few hours or even a few days. Come here Severus." She said sternly. "You're bleeding." She said, noticing the cut on his hand. She muttered a spell, healing the wound and cleaning both his and Harry's blood off of him.

"It was an accident. I tried to take away the knife he was using."

"Get some sleep. I don't think he'll be up tonight." She said, returning to her room. "I swear we're going to have get him his own private room if this goes on much longer." She muttered before leaving the room.

Severus sat in a chair by Harry's side, ignoring Madame Pomfrey's advice. He took Harry's hand between both of his. It was ice cold. He was interrupted by a yowl as Midnight and Sangue tried to get to their human. They both settled themselves on Harry's bed. After almost falling asleep several times, he moved to the bed next to Harry, not wanting to leave him. Somehow he knew Harry would feel better if he woke up to find his father.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Slowly Harry became aware of his surroundings. The last thing he remembered was Severus picking him up and running. But now he was in a bed. He quickly realized it was the hospital wing. He had spent so much time in here he knew the smell, the feel of the hospital wing quite intimately. He also felt pressure on the end of his bed, probably his cubs. The last thing he realized was someone was holding his hand. He resisted the urge to flinch, as the touch was gentle, calming. Slowly he opened his eyes.

"Severus?" he said quietly. He realized with a start he had called him by his first name. "How long have I been here?"

"Two days. Do you feel all right?" Severus asked. Harry nodded. "You need to stop cutting yourself. Why? Why did you do it?" he asked.

"I...I had a...a n-nightmare. I...panicked." Harry said.

"May I ask what the nightmare was about?" he asked calmly.

"I...I ... I..." Harry tried to speak, but he just couldn't. He could feel the darkness ebbing in again. His heart rate rose and his breath came in gasps. He needed a knife, a piece of glass, anything sharp.

"Here, drink this. It's a calming draught. Please Harry?" Severus said, lifting a vial to his lips. Harry obliged, and once again visibly relaxed.

"What was your nightmare about?" He asked again.

"Him..." Harry said.

"Him?" Severus asked.

"The one who...who ...who." He just couldn't bring himself to say it, but somehow Severus knew.

"The one who raped you?" he asked. Harry nodded, a tear slipping down his face. Cautiously Severus pulled him into a hug, rubbing soothing circles on his back. For the second time in a week Harry broke down, sobbing into his father's shoulder despite the calming draught.

"Can I go back to my room?" Harry asked once he calmed down.

"Yes, but you have to take it easy. You lost a lot of blood. Next time come to me and I'll give you a calming draught. You have to stop cutting." He said sternly. They were walking down the hallway when Severus stopped, clutching his left arm. Harry winced as a flash of pain shot through his scar.

"He's calling, isn't he?" Harry asked without even looking at his father.

"How do you know?"

"My scar. Works just as good as having the mark, even better sometimes. Be careful." Harry said, giving Severus a hug. He walked down the hall to his room as Severus left the castle, quickly summoning his robes and mask.

Harry purposely made sure he stayed awake, not wanting to witness what might be happening. He was worried about Severus. After an hour he began wandering the halls. A half-hour later he caught sight of a ragged figure stumbling up to the castle. Harry quickly rushed down to him.

"Severus!" He shouted. He didn't look good. Harry placed an arm around his waist to help him up to the castle. As he entered the hospital wing Madame Pomfrey rushed over to them, shooing Harry off to the side as she checked over Severus. As soon as Madame Pomfrey left he got up.

"God I hate this place." He muttered.

"Trust me, the feeling's mutual." Harry said, a slight hint of humor in his voice. Severus was glad he could find something funny. "I thought Madame Pomfrey told you to stay for the night." He said.

"Like I said, I hate it here. Come on before she catches me." Severus said, leading Harry back to their part of the castle. Harry couldn't help but grin at him. This was a side of Severus Snape almost no one had seen.

"I think next time I end up here you may have to let me leave." Harry said, before turning serious again. "What happened?" Snape sighed.

"I didn't have a potion ready for him." He answered.

"It wasn't because of me was it!" Harry said, panicked.

"No, I did it on purpose, don't worry. Harry? It wasn't your fault." Snape said sternly. Harry relaxed slightly. "You should sleep. And come to me if you have a nightmare, okay? I don't want you cutting yourself. I think I should take that knife."

"No! please don't, Sirius gave it to me. It's almost all I've got of him." Harry said, distraught.

"Will you swear not to cut yourself with it?" Severus said. Harry nodded. "If you cut yourself with it again I will take it away." He said sternly before entering his room. Harry slipped into his room as well, exhausted.


	10. Thoughts and Memories

Severus was in his rooms contemplating Harry's recent behavior. He was a complex child, happy one minute, depressed and suicidal the next. During the day he tried his best to look happy, but at night let the depression take over. Severus knew enough about child psychology to know this wasn't good, even for a teenager.

His biggest problem was that he wouldn't admit when something was wrong. He kept all his feelings bottled up inside, kept all his problems to himself. He tried his hardest to present a normal front to the rest of the world. Severus doubted even his friends knew the full extent of any of Harry's problems. At least he had finally admitted to the rape, if only to Severus. He knew other's would have to be informed so that the man could be apprehended before he hurt others. That might help Harry admit it, if it would save others from what he had suffered.

Harry had at least opened up to Severus slightly. He let him see a side of him other's hadn't, trusted him with the secret of his home life. He had even let himself cry in front of Severus. In return Harry saw Severus' softer side, his caring side he thought had been destroyed so long ago when his son was taken from him. But now he had him back.

Severus was startled out of his thoughts by a loud thud in the hall outside his door. Curiously he poked his head out the door to find Harry and his cubs. It seemed he had dropped a couple thick books.

"Sangue tripped me. Bloody cubs won't leave me alone for two seconds." Harry grumbled while picking up the books.

"I have to work on some potions, so please don't disturb me unless it's an emergency." Severus said before heading towards his private lab. Harry settled himself on the sofa in front of the fire with one of the books out of Severus' large collection. Midnight curled up beside him while Sangue sprawled on the floor in front of the sofa. Soon his thoughts began wandering, and he all but forgot about the book.

In his mind Harry went over the events of the last few weeks. Even now, after a few weeks, Harry could still barely believe this wasn't all a dream. Sometimes he caught himself thinking in amazement, 'I have a father.' What would his friends think? Harry was dreading Ron's reaction. He probably would get angry, or not believe him. Hermione might not believe it at first, but she would accept it. Unlike Ron, she had proved that she was a loyal friend.

Sangue interrupted Harry by trying to jump in his lap. He seemed jealous of the book Harry was holding. Harry smiled and pulled the cub into his arms, one hand absently stroking the silky fur. How would his friends react if they knew? They already knew the Dursley's hated Harry, they would probably accept the abuse. Harry didn't know whether to tell them or not. What if they hated him, thought he was weak?

Harry picked up the book again, a book on potions actually. Severus had been surprised at Harry's choice, but Harry found he actually liked potions when Severus wasn't being a bastard. After a while Harry went back upstairs to retrieve his pensive. He decided it was about time he shared it with his father. He placed it on the side table and picked up his book again. Sangue and Midnight began playing with each other in front of Harry as he read.

The door to Severus' lab opened and Harry turned to see him. Midnight also looked at him, right as Sangue was about to pounce. He couldn't stop himself and crashed into the table the pensive was on. The whole thing seemed to go in slow motion as the table tipped side to side before falling over. Harry reached for his pensive, but was too late. It crashed to the ground, the silvery liquid spilling out. As it hit the air it swirled around before eventually returning to Harry.

Harry grasped his head as memories flooded his mind. He relived every last memory that had been in the pensive almost at the same time. He couldn't take all the pain, the horrible memories, the death. He slumped to the floor, feeling as if he was drowning in his memories.

Severus was terrified. He knew what happened when pensives were spilled, and it wasn't good. All the memories would come rushing back, sometimes sending the owner into a coma. With the terrible memories Harry had, Severus was worried about him. He rushed to Harry's side, but he was already unresponsive. He quickly picked him up and rushed to the hospital wing, hoping he would survive.

"Severus! What happened?" Madame Pomfrey exclaimed as he rushed into the hospital wing.

"Pensive...spilled...unresponsive." He said between breaths.

"Merlin." Madame Pomfrey whispered. She began quickly checking his vitals and other things, rushing around the hospital wing. She tried a few spells and even forced a few potions down his throat. After almost an hour she stopped and shook her head.

"I'm afraid he's in a coma, lost in the memories. I can't do anything for him." She said.

"Isn't there anything to do?" Severus asked.

"Wait it out. If he's strong he won't let the memories overtake him."

"That's not enough!" Severus shouted angrily. He didn't want to sit around and watch his son battle his worst nightmares while being able to do nothing.

"I've heard of cases where the victim has a bond with another, and they are able to help the victim sort the memories. But he doesn't have a bond with anyone. I'll call the Headmaster, perhaps he knows more." She said.

Severus was thinking of anything that would help with the memories. He knew of several potions, but they mostly repressed memories, and he didn't think that would help him. Perhaps if he had learned occulmency he would have been able to protect himself from the memories. Wait! What if he was able to use Legilimens?

"Severus? Poppy has informed me of what happened to young Harry." Dumbledore said, coming up behind Severus.

"Albus, what if I was to use Legilimens on him? To help him through the memories?" He asked. Albus shook his head.

"Legilimens only allows you to view his memories, not be present in them. It has been tried before, and often ends with the caster falling into a coma also. You would need a spell that has similar effect as entering a pensive." He said.

"Does such a spell exist?" He asked.

"I do not know Severus, but we do have quite the extensive library. You are welcome to search, but I'm afraid I can not be of help searching." He said.

Severus was determined to find a spell to help his son with or without help. He spent as much time as possible either in the Library, or more often in the hospital wing. Even when he sat by his son' side he had books with him on anything and everything that could have anything to help him. He had become attached to the boy, he loved him. He was his own flesh and blood, and he wasn't going to lose him now.


	11. Another Day

It had been two weeks since Harry fell into the coma. Fourteen long days. Severus was rarely seen without his nose buried in a book, and often stayed up most of the night. Twice Madame Pomfrey had to force-feed him a dreamless sleep potion so he wouldn't collapse from exhaustion.

Harry lay at the far end of the hospital wing, blocked from sight by several curtains. Poppy found herself wishing more than ever that she had a private room for him. Equipment had been brought in from St. Mungo's to monitor his vital stats and give him nutrients, therefore keeping him alive. It was quite similar to muggle medical equipment with the exception that it ran on magic instead of electricity. Severus hated the sight of his son hooked up to so many machines, under the influence of so many spells, and hated the fact that he would die without them even more.

But there was another obstacle for Severus to face. School was starting that day. Dumbledore had offered him a leave of absence but he refused to let a substitute teach his class, especially when he was supposed to keep up the act that he had nothing to do with the boy.

Severus had been forced to rest if he was going to continue teaching as if nothing was wrong. He still planned to spend as much time as possible researching. Madame Pomfrey had begun helping, along with Professor McGonagall, being Harry's head of house and all. Nobody but the teachers knew of Harry's condition, but Dumbledore planned on informing the school at the feast. By this time tomorrow the hospital wing would be full of get well gifts and so many students Madame Pomfrey would have to barricade the hospital wing. Severus entertained himself for a moment with the image of Madame Pomfrey beating off hoards of students with a stick before returning to his book.

Soon it was time for the feast and all the students filed in, filling the great hall with a deafening noise. Severus noticed Granger and Weasley looking worried as they surveyed the table for their friend. Many of the Gryffindor's seemed to notice their missing classmate and were discussing it in worried voices. The entire Gryffindor table seemed subdued by the absence of their Golden Boy. Soon the sorting was over and Dumbledore stood up to make his speech.

"Many of you may have noticed the absence of one of your classmates, one Harry Potter. I am afraid I have some grave news. He is currently in the hospital wing, in a deep coma that has already lasted two weeks. Several professors have been researching ways to help him, and we will have him returned to you as soon as possible." The hall was filled with a worried buzzing as Dumbledore finished, but it quickly subsided as the feast appeared. As soon as possible Severus returned to the library and his research.

Mean while Hermione and Ron had stopped Draco Malfoy in the hall. Ron felt a need to take out his frustration on something, and Hermione was trying to stop him and her tears. Draco didn't seem himself, not responding to Ron's insults, and Crabbe and Goyle were nowhere in sight. Just as Ron cursed him Professor McGonagall showed up, quickly removing points from Gryffindor and helping Draco to the hospital wing.

No one knew, but Draco was feeling quite different. He had been on his way to see the headmaster when the other two stopped him. He had been disowned over the summer because he had refused the Dark Mark. He was lucky that Voldemort let him go, thinking he could persuade him at another time. He had a few lingering pains from the cruciatus curse, but was otherwise healthy.

He entered the hospital wing to find one whole end completely walled off by curtains. From behind the curtains came several lights and a few beeping noises. He guessed that Potter was behind there. Madame Pomfrey quickly tended to him, but upon finding the lingering remains of the Cruciatus curse told him to spend the night and rushed off to get the headmaster. Draco quickly explained what happened and was soon left alone to sleep.

He awoke in the middle of the night, slightly disoriented before remembering where he was. He looked around, but Madame Pomfrey was nowhere to be seen. Quietly he slipped out of bed and padded over to the curtains, not quite knowing why. He convinced himself he just wanted to see the great Harry Potter knocked down a few pegs. He slipped through the curtains and was met with a pitiful sight however.

Harry lay on a bed surrounded by several machines. Numerous tubes and wires ran from the machines to his body. From what Draco could tell he was extremely pale and unusually skinny. His skin was a milky white, looking almost waxy in texture. Despite the food he had received after his rescue his stomach was still an inward curve, and if a thick blanket hadn't been covering most of his chest, Draco would have been able to count every last rib. He was little more than a skeleton with skin stretched tightly over him and a few muscles left over from quidditch and manual labor. If it wasn't for the gentle rise and fall of his chest, Draco would have assumed him dead.

Draco was nearly entranced by the sight of him laying there, completely helpless. Looking like this he didn't seem like Dumbledore's Golden boy, or the savior of the wizarding world, or the Boy-Who-Lived. He was just a boy, a weak, defenseless, dying boy. Draco felt no pleasure in seeing one of his rivals so weak and fragile.

As Draco moved closer to him he gasped. Barely visible in the dim light were thin white scars lining his arms and marring his thin wrists, and if he wasn't mistaken, a long, thin line across his throat. Scars that couldn't have been made by another. He had tried to kill himself. _But why?_ Draco asked himself. Didn't he have everything, the perfect life, wasn't he everyone's perfect hero? What was so bad he thought the only way out was death?

Was he in the coma because he tried to kill himself? Did he loose too much blood, or damage his brain? But weren't their spells to help people out of those kinds of comas? If it wasn't because of suicide, what did happen? Could it have been Voldemort? No, he would have heard something about it from his father. He had, after all, still been a Malfoy two weeks ago.

Draco quickly returned to his own bed to think over this new information on his arch-nemesis. Why did he hate Potter anyway? _Because he refused your friendship in first year, and Malfoy's are never refused _he answered himself. Thinking back to the way he acted back then, when his father still had control of him, he didn't blame him. Draco had been a jerk, plain and simple. Perhaps it was time to end this silly rivalry. Not suddenly become his best friend, but at least lay off on the insults and fights. Potter seemed to have enough on his plate as it was.

In the morning Draco was released from the hospital wing, none too soon either. He didn't like the knowledge that Potter lay near death on the other end of the hospital wing. Just as he left Ron and Hermione entered, the latter still weeping silently. Draco shook his head, they would probably be late for their first class. As he was heading down the hallway he was nearly run over by two large black animals, closely chased by none other than Professor Snape.

Severus was cursing as he followed Harry's cubs down the hallway. They had gotten out when he opened the door to head for breakfast and had instantly made for the hospital wing. There was a shriek as they plunged through the curtains. Severus followed to find none other than Granger and Weasley trying to shoo the cubs off the bed. Sangue growled at the two and they slowly backed away from the bed. Happy that they weren't a threat to their master he curled up by Harry's side, nudging him as Midnight lapped his face.

"Professor Snape, these animals just ran in here, we can't get them off Harry!" Hermione said, catching sight of him.

"It's quite alright Ms. Granger." Severus said, gently patting Sangue on the head. "They are his pets."

"Severus! I told you not to let those cats in here anymore!" Madame Pomfrey said.

"I didn't bring them here, they escaped. It's not my fault." Severus said.

"Well get them out of here. And you two need to get to class." She said, replacing the nutrient bag on Harry's I.V. drip.

"Sangue, Midnight, get off him." Severus said sternly.

"Excuse me sir, but why are you taking care of Harry's pets?" Hermione asked.

"Because at the time he went into the coma I was the only one here who could. The headmaster seems to think it best if I continue to take care of the flea bags." Severus half-lied, hooking a leash to each of their collars and leading the cubs out of the hospital wing and back to his rooms. So much for breakfast.

Sighing Severus grabbed a book he was currently reading through and headed to his first class of the day, third year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. As they entered he waved his wand at the board and their assignment appeared. He quickly snapped that they were to brew the potion on the board and that anyone talking would lose points. After about fifteen minutes he decided he'd best make a few rounds of the class to keep a major accident from happening. After insulting almost everyone's potion he returned to his book, checking the classes progress every fifteen minutes.

His classes continued on in this fashion until the first class after lunch. First year Gryffindor and Slytherin. He burst into the class once everyone was settled and made his normal speech, then proceeded to single out and insult one of the Gryffindors much like he had done Harry's first year. It was his tradition.

_Too bad there wasn't another Weasley to pick on _Severus mused to himself. Wait – no, there were enough Weasels as it was. He had enough trouble with the twins, even if they were brilliant at potions, though he would never admit it. They had to be good at potions to invent half the pranks they did. And yet, even after they had left school, they were still causing trouble with their Weasley Wizard Wheezes.

Before dinner Severus had a free period. He decided to pay his son a visit. He grabbed his latest batch of healing potions and headed to the hospital wing. He handed Poppy the potions, and after making sure no one else was there he slipped behind the curtains. He brushed a few stray strands of hair out of Harry's eyes and held his hand, gently making small circles with his thumb. He had found this had a calming affect on the boy after one of his nightmares.

He carefully studied Harry as he lay there. You would never know he was reliving his worst memories over and over again from his peaceful expression. And Severus knew his pensive had held many bad memories, because good memories would not have caused such a reaction. He supposed the coma he was in was somewhat like the effects of a dementor, but without the release from the terror that unconsciousness provided.

Severus carefully avoided concentrating too hard on the wires and tubes attached to his son, but studying his body wasn't much better. He was still painfully skinny, and scars still marred his pale skin. His face looked sunken and hollow, and large bags were under his eyes. Severus found himself missing those eyes, so like his beloved Lily's, but holding far more hurt and pain than any one person should know. But then again this one boy had the weight of the world, the fate of humanity resting on his shoulders.

After awhile he left, returning to his dusty volumes of long-forgotten and little used spells, hoping, praying he could find a cure. He couldn't lose his son so soon after finding him. He had barely had time to make up for the horrible way he treated him, the guilt weighing heavily on his heart. He had been so cruel, so blind. All he saw was Potter, the boy who tormented him through childhood and into adulthood, the man who stole his one true love away from him. The man who abducted his son, keeping him far away, never once letting him see the child that was rightfully his, his own flesh and blood.

Last period of the day he had sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins, and he was dreading it. At least Longbottom was gone, along with the Weasel and most of the Gryffindors. But the infuriating know-it-all Granger remained. Draco was also there, missing his usual arrogant smirk and two bodyguards. Severus knew what had happened, being the child's Godfather, and was proud of Draco for defying his overbearing father.

Granger was still looking slightly weepy, but was no longer sobbing her eyes out, thank god. The class passed uneventfully in much the same way his other classes passed. Severus finished his current book and began on another, older and larger text, praying this one would hold the cure he so desperately searched for. Soon class was over and he was heading for dinner. After that there was a meeting with Poppy and Minerva about Harry and any information they had found. A short visit with Harry, then back to his endless research.

And so passed another day, only slightly different than the many before it. Another day of endless research. Another day his son lay almost dead in the hospital wing. Another day without a cure. Another day the poor child battled his worst memories and nightmares. Another day Harry slipped closer to death. Another day...


	12. Awakening

Another long week passed; it was now early Sunday morning. As in three am early. Severus could be found pouring over a book, ignoring Poppy's demands to get more sleep and pulling an all nighter. Lucky he did as he caught sight of the spell they had been searching so long for. After staring disbelieving at the page for a few moments he regained his senses and rushed to the hospital wing. He burst in and immediately woke Madame Pomfrey.

"I've found it." He said, shoving the book under her face.

_This charm was invented in the early fourteenth century, shortly before the invention of pensives. The charm is similar to the Legilimens curse, except the caster enters the memories instead of viewing them. The charm works in many ways like a pensive, with the exception of the memories stay within the person. In later years it was developed into the charms used to create pensives._

_The casting of this charm is difficult and requires concentration. It sometimes helps if the caster has experience with these kinds of charms (such as Legilimens) The charm works easier if the caster and victim share a bond, or care deeply for one another, such as lovers or parents and children. In current times, this charm is almost only used in the healing of those who are comatose due to pensive spills. _

_When used to help those bombarded by memories due to a pensive spill, the caster will also fall into a coma like state as the charm is used. They will enter the victims mind as if they were in a pensive. They may have to search for the victim, as they will be present as if they too were in a pensive. The caster will need to help the victim sort through their memories, convince them that they are only memories, not reality. _

"Thank goodness, it's getting close to a month. Lets only pray he doesn't have any lasting damage. I assume you will be casting the spell?" Madame Pomfrey said.

"Of course."

"I want you to sleep the rest of the night, as you obviously haven't already. No arguing, you may stay in here or return to your rooms." She said. Begrudgingly Severus returned to his rooms, knowing there was no use in fighting the woman. He was up early the next morning, and after a quick breakfast returned to the infirmary.

"I have a bed for you next to Harry, as you too will be in a coma-like state. I will ward the curtains so that no one may get through. Visitors will not be allowed into the hospital wing, only those who are injured." Madame Pomfrey said, leading him over to the curtained end of the infirmary. Dumbledore and Minerva were also there. Severus sat on the bed and carefully cast the charm, falling back into his pillows as it was completed and he felt his mind rushing elsewhere.

He found himself in a small room and vaguely recognized it as the one Harry had been locked in when he rescued him. A small boy, probably eleven or twelve entered. Severus shifted through this memory. Obviously present day Harry wasn't there. After several memories he found one with two Harry's, one looking like Harry now, and one looking like Harry no older than three or four. The older Harry had his back to Severus, watching the scene unfurl.

Older Harry watched somberly as little Harry dried the dishes, having to stand on a stool to reach the sink. As he watched one of the plates slipped out of the small child's grasp. He reached for it, but only succeeded in knocking over a glass as well. Both shattered on the hard tile floor. A large purple man stomped in, shouting 'Boy!' Severus watched as he grabbed the terrified child by the collar and lifted him up. He slapped the poor child several times before dropping him on the floor.

"That was when it all started. All the pain, the torture. All because I broke a dish." Harry said sadly, not turning to look at Severus. The next memory popped up as Severus stood slightly shocked.

They now stood in the hallway. The door burst open and his uncle burst in, dragging an eleven year old Harry. He was tossed into the cupboard under the stairs and told he would stay in there for a week to teach him a lesson. This happened several times, sometimes they came from the kitchen or the living room, sometimes outside. Each time Harry was thrown into the cupboard and locked in there for times varying from the rest of the day to the rest of the month.

"Harry?" Severus said, coming up behind the boy. He placed a hand on his shoulder and Harry flinched. "You know these are only memories? This isn't reality. You're in a coma Harry, remember your pensive spilling?" Severus said.

"Pensive? Yes...I remember...it tipped...memories invaded my mind...too much, can't take it..." Harry said, screwing his eyes shut and pressing his hands to his temples. The scenery changed completely, they were now in a graveyard. Severus watched as Harry and the Diggory boy appeared, watched as the boy was killed simply for being there.

"My fault...always my fault..." Harry whispered as the boy fell.

"Harry? It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped it." Severus said. Did he truly think it was his fault the boy died?

He continued to watch as Harry was tied to a tombstone and bled to recreate Voldemort. Again Harry whispered that it was his fault. Severus watched in horror as Voldemort was reborn and continued to play with Harry, forcing him to duel. He watched the strands of light connect the two wands, the ghost like people appear. He watched Harry run, dodging curses, then risked his own life further to return Cedric's body to Hogwarts.

Severus watched the events of the end of Harry's first and Second years, keeping a comforting Hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently to reassure the boy. Severus was saddened by the thoughts Harry had as the basilisk bit him, how accepting he was of death. The scenery changed again and they were in the forbidden forest, mounting thestrals to fly off to the ministry of magic.

As the scene in the ministry unfurled Harry slowly sank to his knees, again blaming himself. Severus watched as he followed Lestrange out of the department of mysteries, as he tried to cast the cruciatus curse. He was oddly relieved when he couldn't. But then Voldemort appeared, and Severus was reminded of why he respected Dumbledore as the two battled. He was again saddened as Voldemort possessed Harry, as Harry pleaded for Dumbledore to kill him as to be released from the pain.

Afterwards they returned to number four Privet drive. Severus watched his son be insulted and beat, tied to a bed. What disturbed him the most was that the real Harry repeated the insults along with the large man. This time Severus stood directly in front of Harry, looking him in the eye.

"Harry, do not believe what he says. He is lying, you are not any of those things. You are not a freak, you are not worthless Harry."

"But I am" Harry said in his strangely calm, quiet voice. "I am a freak, I am worthless. No one could ever care about a freak like me." Harry said. The room they were in stayed the same, though the scenery outside the window changed to a stormy night. The door creaked open ominously, revealing a man that was not Harry's uncle.

"No." Harry whispered desperately, sinking to his knees. The man stepped forward, stripping Harry of his clothing. The Harry on the bed began struggling and screaming, but was quieted with a gag. Severus was beyond disgusted. He kneeled directly in front of Harry, gripping his shoulders. He tried to ignore Harry's pleas and the mans grunts from behind him as he turned Harry's face to look at him.

"I care about you Harry, and you need to realize these are only memories of the past. You need to fight them, get over them and wake up. Everyone's worried about you." Severus said. Scenes of abuse began speeding by the two as Harry seemed to focus more on Severus. Severus watched the abuse his son suffered, steadily growing angrier at the Dursley's. Too bad they were already dead. Severus found himself wishing Voldemort had invited him on that particular outing.

"No one could ever love an ungrateful freak like me. I am not deserving. People die because of me. I deserve what I get." Harry said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

"No Harry, you don't deserve that. No one deserves that, no matter who they are." Severus said, looking Harry straight in the eye. "Listen to me. You. Are. Not. A. Freak. Say it." Severus said.

"But I am." Harry whispered, a single tear leaking down his cheek.

"No Harry, you aren't. You are my son, and I...I love you." Severus said, hesitating slightly. He barely remembered what love was, having shut off his emotions when he lost his family so long ago. "There are many people who love and care about you Harry. You are not a freak, and you are more than worthy of our love." Severus said, trying not to grimace at how sappy the whole thing was.

"But – "

"No buts Harry. There are many, many people who care for you and want you to wake up. Please Harry, I care about you. You're my son, I need you to wake up." Severus said, cutting him off, repressing the urge to slap the boy. Harry seemed to finally focus on Severus instead of the memories.

"Liar. I'm not the freak, he is..." Harry whispered, staring at the scenes of abuse playing before him. They began to speed by faster, their surroundings blurring as Harry let go of the memories, clinging to Severus instead.

"Father?" He asked. Severus just nodded and embraced him before his mind was pulled back to his own body.

When he woke it was dark outside. Madame Pomfrey and Minerva were waiting for them, asleep in their chairs. Quickly Severus got up and went to Harry's bedside. After a few tedious moments his eyes fluttered open. After looking around for a moment he gazed at Severus.

"Thank you." He whispered softly. Poppy chose that moment to awake. She shouted in surprise and rushed over to Harry, waking Minerva in the process. She proceeded to thoroughly check him over.

"Well, you seem to be in perfect health. It may take you some time to get used to walking, to get your strength up. You've been in a coma for three weeks Harry. I'd like to keep you hooked up just for tonight, but I believe you should be fine. I'll remove the machines tomorrow. Severus, you may need to take some time off to help him get used to living again." She rattled off. Harry looked around curiously, but didn't say anything, something Severus found odd. Soon after he fell asleep. Madame Pomfrey forced Severus to spend the night in the hospital wing to check for side effects of the spell.

The next morning at breakfast Dumbledore stood to make a speech. The hall instantly quieted, wondering what he would say, hoping it wasn't bad news.

"Today I have quite the good news indeed. Mr. Potter was woken from his coma late last night thanks to several of our professors. He is awake and accepting visitors, though he will not be returning to class quite yet. He has been in a coma for twenty-one days and needs to regain his strength. Madame Pomfrey believes he will be back to normal by early October." Dumbledore reported. The hall was filled with a happy buzz and several Gryffindors immediately got up and headed for the Hospital wing. Mainly the Weasels and the fifth years, along with Granger and the Creevey brothers.

"Do you think it wise to tell them he is weak, Albus? It could get back to the Death Eaters, and they may try an attack." Severus asked.

"Do not worry Severus, the news will not get outside of the school, I have made sure of it." Dumbledore said. Severus sat back, not quite reassured, but continued on his breakfast.

Meanwhile, in the hospital wing Harry's bed was now surrounded by people. Harry was trying his best not to panic at the amount of people there. The abuse had left its mark on him. Despite knowing these people he still was afraid of them, afraid of being hurt. Luckily Madame Pomfrey shooed most of them out as soon as she realized her infirmary had been overrun.

"Out, all of you. He needs his breakfast. Go on, get!" She said, shooing them all out. She moved over to Harry and helped him sit up, noticing he was shaking.

"Too many people?" She asked, having dealt with abuse cases before. Harry only nodded. She placed a large tray on his lap containing his breakfast. It consisted of a large bowl of oatmeal, a few slices of toast, orange juice, and several potions. After trying and failing at feeding himself Madame Pomfrey took the spoon from him and fed him like a baby. Harry was oddly accepting of this, never once voicing his protests, but his cheeks tinging lightly red. He only ate a little more than half the food.

Madame Pomfrey explained each potion to him. One was the potion he had been taking before the coma to help his stomach get used to food again, as for the last three weeks he had been fed nutrients through a tube straight into his bloodstream. Another two potions were to help him regain his strength quickly.


	13. Bad Reactions

Harry slept on and off for most of the day, being confined to his bed. Spells had been placed upon him to keep his muscles from deteriorating too much during the coma, but he would still need help getting around for a little bit. Luckily no one came to visit during the rest of the day, instead waiting until the end of the day.

"Harry, mate, what happened? We just got to school and we were told you were in a coma." Ron said, approaching Harry's bed. Hermione made to hug him but he moved away, holding up his hands.

"Please...please don't t-touch me. I-I'm sorry." Harry said, his voice slightly scratchy from disuse. Hermione looked hurt, then puzzled but was back to normal within a second.

"What happened to put you in a coma?" Hermione asked.

"Um...I...my pensive spilled." Harry said.

"But why would that put you in a coma?" Ron, ever the thick one, asked.

"Honestly Ron! When a pensive is spilled, all the memories rush back to the owner. Most of the time they are only knocked out from sensory overload, but if the memories are traumatizing enough the owner of the pensive can get lost in the memories, therefore going into a coma." Hermione said, sounding as always as if she had swallowed the textbook. "But how did they get you out of the coma?" Hermione asked.

"Professors Snape and McGonagall along with Madame Pomfrey have been searching for a cure since it happened, and Snape found it the other day."

"Professor Snape! That greasy git! But – but why would he help? He _hates_ you!" Ron spluttered.

"Honestly, do you think he's so heartless that he'll sit around and watch a student die without even trying to help?" Hermione asked.

"If it's Harry, yes!"

"That's where you're wrong, Ron. He was actually the one who pulled me out of the coma." Harry said darkly.

"WHAT! Why that - " Harry didn't listen to the rest of Ron's rant. He was too busy trying to reason with himself that Ron wasn't mad at him. After being lost in his memories of abuse, he was once more timid. At Ron's outburst he had lifted his arms as if to hit something, causing Harry to flinch violently, curling up into the fetal position. Hermione noticed his bad reaction and immediately tried to calm Ron down while the wheels in her head started turning.

"Ron. Ron! RON! STOP IT!" She shouted, grabbing his arms and forcing him out of his rant. She pointedly looked to Harry who was trembling slightly. Ron's mouth fell open and he placed a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Sorry mate, I -" He was cut off as Harry cried out and flinched away from the touch, attracting Madame Pomfrey's attention.

"Out! Both of you, out now!" she said, all but shoving them out of the hospital wing. She approached Harry who by now was almost hyperventilating. Any attempt to touch or comfort him was met with the same reaction – a cry or whimper and a flinch away from the touch, curling even tighter into a ball. She rushed to her fireplace and flooed professor Snape's office, her head appearing in his fire.

"Severus! Come up to the hospital wing fast! And bring some calming potions!" She shouted once she got his attention. He was there within a few minutes.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"It's Harry. Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger were visiting, and Mr. Weasley got angry about something. Harry didn't have the best reaction." She said, leading him over to Harry's bed. "Any attempt to touch him and he cries out." She said, pulling the curtains around his bed closed.

Severus moved over to the side of Harry's bed, crouching down so his face was level with Harry's. Gently he reached out, brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. He whimpered and flinched slightly.

"Harry?" Severus said kindly. He stayed curled in a ball, shivering slightly. "Harry, it's Severus. No one's going to hurt you." He said, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder. After a moment Harry relaxed slightly. Severus lifted Harry's chin so he would look at him.

"Severus?" As soon as Harry recognized who it was he wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, craving his comforting touch. Severus complied, moving to sit on the bed with Harry in his lap, embracing the still trembling boy.

"He'll be fine. The memories caused a similar effect as if he had gone back to being abused by his relatives. Basically all progress he made over the summer has been destroyed." Severus said.

"I-I'm sorry, I s-shouldn't have...I should h-have known he w-wouldn't..." Harry tried to say.

"It's alright Harry. The memories made you begin to react as if you were still abused. Here, drink this, it's a calming potion." Severus said, holding a vial to Harry's lips. Severus took a moment to think. He would have to treat Harry as he always had to keep his position, as well as their relation a secret. Many Death Eaters had children in the school, and Voldemort would suspect if he was all of a sudden sympathetic to Potter. He decided he might as well warn him now.

"I'm afraid I will have to return to the way I used to treat you in classes Harry. I will also have to be careful of when I visit you. You may remain in your room if you wish, but I suggest you use the door on the first floor rather than exiting into the dungeons through my rooms." He said.

"I understand. The Slytherins would report it to their parents, who would tell Voldemort, and then you'd be in trouble. When shall I be returning to class?" He asked, slightly nervously.

"You should be physically able in a week or so, but if you do not want to you may wait. The Headmaster understands it may be hard for you to be around large crowds, so you may return gradually, a few classes at a time." Severus explained.

"How long do I have to stay in here?" Harry asked, causing Severus to smile slightly. Like father, like son.

"Only until Poppy's sure you won't collapse. Most likely you'll be out by the end of the week." Harry grimaced slightly. He hated being stuck in the hospital wing.

"Do I have to go back to the dorms?" He asked quietly.

"No, I already said you are welcome to stay in my quarters all year if you wish." Harry was beginning to yawn by now. "Why don't you get some sleep?" he said. Harry crawled back onto the bed. The calming potion worked well as a light sleeping potion, taking about an hour to take affect.

"Goodnight, Dad." Harry said, half asleep. Severus stared at him for a moment. He called him Dad. A part of him he thought was long dead warmed slightly at the term. Perhaps he wasn't condemned to lonely bitterness after all.

Madame Pomfrey kept Harry in bed the next day also, much to his annoyance. Finally on Wednesday she allowed him to get up and walk around. At first it was hard and his legs felt weak. He tired easily after not moving for a month but with a few potions he quickly regained his strength.

Fred and George came to visit on Wednesday. The two had decided to return to Hogwarts in order to take their N.E.W.T.'s. Harry had a feeling Mrs. Weasley had a large part in this decision. While they were in school their friend Lee Jordan ran the store for them. While there they gave Harry a few samples of some of their newest pranks. Severus didn't visit again, but Harry understood. It was dangerous for him to show any concern at all for him. Hermione and Ron waited until Friday morning to visit again.

"Hey mate, sorry about last time. What happened?" Ron asked.

"Some of my memories...you know a lot of what's happened to me." Harry really didn't want to mention the abuse. Hermione gasped.

"Your Uncle. You had memories of what he did to you this summer in your pensive, didn't you?" She asked, a tear slipping down her cheek. Harry nodded, anger welling up slightly as he remembered what Dumbledore had done. He hadn't wanted them to know! He had kept it all so carefully hidden for a reason. And then Dumbledore had betrayed his trust, telling the Weasley's of what had happened. At least the rape was still a secret.

Hermione tried to hug Harry. Being lost in his thoughts he didn't notice until she had touched him and he yelped slightly, moving away.

"Sorry. I-I forgot." Hermione said through her tears.

"Out!" Madame Pomfrey shouted, coming around the corner with a tray full of food. They obeyed and she set the tray down in Harry's lap.

"I want you to eat all of that. You know the drill." She said, leaving. Harry downed the contents of the potion vials next to his meal and slowly began eating. When Madame Pomfrey came back he had eaten a little over half the food and was just pushing the rest around his plate.

"I told you I wanted you to eat all of that." She said.

"I can't." Harry said. His appetite had never been that of a normal child's, and no matter how much they tried he wouldn't be able to eat more than he already had. The past summer had been the last straw for his poor stomach.

"Fine. After I give you a check up you are released. And try to stay out of here for at least a few weeks, huh?" She said jokingly. Before leaving Harry checked out what he looked like. He wasn't sure if he had accidentally changed his features during the coma, but he seemed to have his metamorphamagus abilities under control.

He lengthened his hair a little so it was no longer wild, instead falling softly to his jawline. As an experiment he tried to remove his scar. It didn't work. Next he tried moving it, and after a long moment succeeded. Smiling he moved it back to it's normal place and made himself a few inches taller. He was still shorter than Ron, but not by much. Luckily he hadn't been standing in their presence yet so his height change wouldn't be noticed.

There wasn't much he could do about his features, as too many people had seen him like this and he didn't want his gift discovered. He did look a lot less like James, no longer a carbon copy. His face was slightly more angular and not as round and his cheekbones were higher, more defined. His eyes were slightly more oval but still a vibrant shade of green. Satisfied for now, he left the hospital wing.


	14. Names

Harry slowly made his way to the first floor and hissed his password to the snake portrait guarding the entrance. His progress was slow as his muscles were still weak from the days of no movement. He smiled upon entering as he found Severus waiting for him.

"I was beginning to wonder if Pomfrey was going to release you tonight or not." He said. "Are you taller?"

"Don't forget I'm a metamorphamagus." Harry said, changing his nose to a replica of Severus'. "I think I'm getting the hang of this." He said, crossing his eyes to look at his new nose.

"You have no idea how disturbing that is." Severus muttered. Harry chuckled slightly, turning his nose back. "You do seem to have your abilities under control. Do you still wish for Tonks' help?"

"I think so. I want to know what I really look like." Harry answered.

"Good. You may choose if you wish to return to classes on Monday or not." Severus said.

"I-I'm not sure." Harry said, looking down. "I don't want to seem weak." Harry said quietly.

"Harry," Severus said, frowning. "You were just in a coma for a month. No one will think you weak for not returning to classes. Everyone has their weak moments."

"Not me." Harry whispered.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked. Harry hesitated for a moment before decided his own father at least needed to know the truth. It might be a relief to share his inner demons for once.

"I'm the Boy-Who-Lived. I'm supposed to be everyone's savior. I'm expected to bounce right back from every injury and go on fighting until my purpose is served. I can't show any weakness. That's...that's why I didn't tell anyone of the abuse." Harry said softly. His eyes never left the floor but Severus noticed a single tear drop to the ground. Severus, wary of Harry's reaction, placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. As expected, he flinched.

"Sorry...I...I can't help it. Stupid, stupid! Why can't I stop this!" Harry berated himself.

"Harry, stop. It is alright. You have lived through something no child should have to. You have burdens no child should have. You have seen and experienced things no person, young or old, should have to. I am not going to blame you for anything, and I will not be angry that you flinch from my touch. You were getting better before the coma, you can get better now. First of all you have to understand that I will never hurt you. I may insult you in public, but I have never, will never physically harm you, in private or public." Severus said, carefully drawing the boy into a hug.

"I know, I just...it's...instinctive." Harry said after a moment. Severus hugged him a little tighter before letting go.

"Severus?" Harry asked.

"Yes Harry?"

"What would you have named me if James didn't take me?" He asked quietly.

"Why do you ask?" Severus asked, thrown off by the question.

"Sorry! You don't have to answer, I shouldn't have asked." Harry said quickly.

"No Harry, I'm not mad. I believe I would have named you Alexander. In pureblood tradition you would have been Alexander Severus Marcus Snape. Severus for me, your father, and Marcus for your grandfather, my father." Severus answered.

"Did mom and James give me a second middle name, as James was a pureblood?" Harry asked.

"I'm not sure, but I believe Potter's father's name was Herbert." Severus said. Harry pulled a face.

"I think I'm glad I only have one middle name." Harry answered, causing Severus to smile slightly.

"Why did you ask about the name?" Severus asked.

"I just wanted to know who I truly am. If I ever have to go into hiding it would be nice to have a new name already." Harry answered.

"Taking the name Snape might not be the best way to hide. If I acknowledge you as my son Voldemort will want to recruit you." Snape said.

"I know." Harry whispered, looking down. "Hopefully the final battle will come soon and we will be able to act like a family if I survive." Harry said. He was half expecting Severus to correct his 'if' almost as soon as he had said it.

"I'm not going to tell you 'not if, when'" Severus said, almost as if sensing Harry's thoughts. "There is no way to tell if you or Voldemort will survive, or neither, and I'm not much of an optimist. We can only hope that it is you who wins." Severus said gently.

"I know. I'm glad you didn't correct me actually. All that optimism gets on my nerves." Harry said. At this Severus smiled again.

"You're definitely my son." Severus said, causing Harry to laugh slightly before yawning.

"Why don't you sleep, it's late." Severus said. "Goodnight, Harry." Severus said, getting up and heading to the door.

"Goodnight, Dad." Harry said, smiling.

Harry slept until midmorning Saturday. Once he woke up he went through his room, checking to make sure everything was still there, especially his knife. Everything was in its place – except his pensive. He couldn't find it, but didn't think much of it. Thinking it might still be downstairs, he quickly dressed and made his way to the living room. Severus was already there, reading in one of the armchairs.

"Good morning Harry." He greeted without looking up from his book.

"Morning." Harry said softly. Sitting on the sofa he noticed the book he had been reading before he spilled his pensive. Picking it up he decided to read for a little bit.

Severus frowned slightly as Harry unconsciously pulled his legs up to his chest. It was usual for abused children to act in this way as it protected their vital organs and made them a smaller target. Severus didn't like that his son was so abused that it had become second nature. He returned to his book however and both enjoyed the companionable silence permeating the room.

Severus cleared his throat to gain Harry's attention after finishing his book. Startled, Harry jumped, dropping his book. Quickly muttering an apology he picked it up and sat back on the sofa.

"Nothing to be sorry for Harry." Severus said. "I do believe it is nearing lunch time and Poppy insists I feed you properly. I've already allowed you to sleep through breakfast." They both retreated to the dining room where the elves quickly laid out their lunch. Before Harry ate anything he was passed three potions. One was a nutrient potion to help with his malnourishment, another was the potion to help his stomach readjust to food, and the third was to dispel any lingering effects of his coma. Severus was mildly concerned about Harry's behavior, as he had reverted to being withdrawn and jumping at the slightest noises as well as flinching when touched.

Things just went downhill once it became nighttime. Harry found himself in the midst of a nightmare once again. Everyone he loved was present, blaming him for their deaths, jeering and ridiculing him as his uncle beat him.

Harry woke up suddenly, yelling out 'no' as silent tears ran down his face. He began to hyperventilate as blackness edged in on his vision. Gasping for air he stumbled to where he kept his dagger. He fell to the ground and huddled in a corner before dragging the knife quickly across the pale skin of his forearm. He gasped at the burst of feeling and slowly began to calm down, the black receding from his vision. But it wasn't fast enough, so he cut again. After the third cut he stopped, watching the crimson liquid pool around the wound before running down his arm and onto the floor. _New red poison from a broken heart._ Harry had no idea where the slightly morbid thought came from.

Severus was woken from his sleep in the middle of the night. He thought he had heard a shout, but was groggy with sleep and couldn't determine what it was. As he fully woke up he decided to go check on Harry just incase. Opening the door to Harry's room he found Harry's bed empty. He heard a gasp from somewhere in the corner of the room. He whispered _lumos_ and quickly made his way over and found Harry huddled in a corner, staring at the blood dripping down his arm. Slowly Severus sunk down beside Harry and placed a hand on his arm. Harry flinched violently.

"Harry, it's Severus. Calm down." He said.

"Dad?" Harry asked in a whisper, looking up slowly. There were tears streaking his face. Carefully Severus drew the vulnerable boy into a comforting embrace. A fresh wave of tears overtook Harry and he sobbed into Severus' shoulder. Severus summoned some bandages and carefully cleaned and dressed Harry's wounds.

"I – I'm sorry, I...I didn't think...panic...darkness...I had to." Harry tried to explain.

"It's alright Harry. It's not your fault, it's an addiction. Cutting is your natural response to stress or fear. But hopefully with help you'll be able to break the habit." Severus said gently. Harry just nodded and hid his face in Severus' robes

After a moment Severus picked up Harry, grimacing slightly at how little he weighed. He sat down on Harry's bed and settled in to wait until Harry had calmed down enough or fallen asleep. As it was Harry was still sobbing into Severus' shoulder as he held onto Severus' robes like a life line.

Severus felt both anger and sadness well up in him as he observed his son. Anger at the unfeeling bastards who did this to him. Anger at the world for placing such responsibility on a single boy. Anger at himself for keeping his true identity secret and therefore allowing Harry to suffer at the hands of his relatives. Sadness that a child had to suffer so much, that _his_ child had to suffer so much. Sadness because Harry felt the only relief he had was self-harm.

He hugged Harry tighter, as if his embrace could ward off all the evil, could take away his pain. But he knew he couldn't, that Harry needed much more than a simple hug. He heard Harry's sobs subside and his breathing even out and knew he was asleep. He held Harry a moment longer, relishing the feeling of finally being able to hold his son after so long. When he himself began to feel his eyelids droop he carefully placed Harry back into his bed and tucked him in. He hesitated for a moment before placing a soft kiss on the boy's forehead and quickly leaving the room.

In the morning Harry was up early, reading in front of the fire again. He didn't even notice Severus walk into the room and take a seat in his normal armchair. Severus watched the boy carefully. He noticed Harry's fingers were rubbing his arm, tracing over his scars.

"Harry?" Severus said calmly, quietly. Harry looked up quickly.

"Good morning. I didn't notice you." He said.

"Good morning Harry. I have something for you." Severus said.

"Really?" Harry asked, his face brightening slightly.

"It's a substitute for your pensive. This one won't spill. I believe it might help with the nightmares." Severus said, holding out a medium sized blue globe.

"Hold it in your hands while concentrating on the memory and say '_memoir._'" Severus instructed. Harry did so and the globe filled with a small amount of silvery liquid, just like a pensive would.

"Thank you! Thank you so much. You really didn't have to. I don't deserve something like this." Harry said.

"No Harry, you do deserve it. What those muggles told you was a lie. They lied about your parents and they lied about you." Severus said sternly. Harry looked down.

"Sorry." He said.

"Nothing to be sorry for Harry." Severus said.

"I...I think I'd like to go back to class Monday. But...but not all of them. Um...do you have my schedule?" Harry asked. Severus handed him a piece of paper.

"History of Magic?" Harry suggested. "It's...it's an easy class, and it's just the Gryffindors, and most people sleep through it, so I think I can handle it. I feel so weak." Harry said, whispering the last part.

"It's not weak Harry, you've been through a lot." Severus said. "But History seems a good choice. Whenever you are ready you may pick up more classes, and if you feel pressured do not hesitate to drop a class again. Your professors will understand and do their best to keep you caught up." Severus said.

"Thanks." Harry said, smiling slightly before going back to his reading.


	15. Class

Monday morning Harry awoke and got ready for the day slightly nervously. He knew he wasn't ready for large crowds of people, so he avoided the Great Hall, instead eating breakfast in his rooms. He was able to calm himself down and prepare for being around people again during the morning as History wasn't until later in the day.

Harry cast glamour charms over his arms and neck to hide the scars. He didn't want anyone knowing what he had done. As an extra precaution he wore a turtleneck shirt under his robes.

When the house elves delivered his lunch he was surprised to find a potion with a note attached. Reading over the note he smiled slightly. Severus had left him a vial of calming draught incase he panicked. He also explained that he couldn't take his meals with Harry as he had to keep up the pretense of being a loyal servant to Voldemort and hating all things to do with the Boy-Who-Lived. It would be suspicious if he stopped taking his meals in the Great Hall.

Harry left his room slightly before lunch ended in order to avoid the largest crowds of students roaming the halls. He was thankful to find the way to the History of Magic classroom free of students. Just as Harry walked in the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Harry chose a seat in the back of the classroom, on the side so he wouldn't be surrounded and near the door so he wouldn't feel trapped.

"Harry!" an unmistakably familiar voice shouted happily as his two best friends came into the room. Hermione ran to him, fully intending to give him a hug but when Harry squeaked and fell out of his chair she quickly stopped.

"Oh, Harry, I'm sorry! I forgot!" Hermione exclaimed.

"It's okay, it was my fault." Harry said, standing up and allowing the girl to hug him, though he flinched at the touch and remained stiff in her arms.

"Are you sure you're ready for classes yet?" Hermione asked.

"I'm only going to this class. Dumbledore is letting me return to classes gradually, a few at a time, however many I feel I can handle. If I get through this class well, I can choose whether to go to another class or not." Harry explained.

"Brilliant Harry! You can skip class the entire year and not get in trouble for it!" Ron said.

"Ron! This is a school! We're here to learn, why would he skip all his classes?" Hermione said, hands on her hips. Ron looked properly abashed.

"Just tell us if you need anything, or if you feel uncomfortable and we'll help, okay Harry?" Harry nodded, but in his mind he was annoyed at the way Hermione was treating him. Before he could get too annoyed the rest of the Gryffindors came in and welcomed him back enthusiastically. Luckily not many noticed his small flinches or his aversion to being touched. Not that many would understand the signs, having lived comfortable lives, never having come in contact with abuse in any way.

Hermione and Ron stood close to him, keeping most people from crowding too close and for this Harry was thankful. Before he could become to overwhelmed by the crowd Professor Binns floated in and they all moved to their seats. Most students chatted or slept and Harry found he was able to relax slightly. He knew he wouldn't be comfortable enough to fall asleep for quite some time, but at least he wasn't cowering in a corner.

Harry left with Hermione and Ron as the bell rang, forgetting the crowds that would be in the hall. As people swarmed about, shouting and laughing and talking and bumping into him he began to panic. Pulling the vial of potion out of his pocket he quickly drained it, thankful for Severus' forethought.

"What was that Harry?" Hermione asked, frowning slightly.

"Calming drought." Harry answered, concentrating on getting out of the crowd. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, hugging his thin arms to his body in a protective gesture.

"Why do you need a calming drought?" Ron asked stupidly.

"Too many people." Harry answered shortly, ducking into an empty classroom. Harry breathed a deep sigh of relief as he sat on the nearest desk. Hermione and Ron quickly followed him into the room.

"Sorry Harry, I didn't know you didn't like crowds. Is that part of the reason you are returning to classes slowly?" Hermione asked. Harry nodded.

"You two should get to class, I'm going to wait until the halls empty out." Harry said. Hermione's attitude was really beginning to get on his nerves despite his newfound timidity.

"You sure you'll be alright?" Hermione asked, moving to put a hand on his shoulder. He jerked away and Hermione looked saddened.

"Sorry." Harry mumbled.

"Come on Ron, we can't be late for class." Hermione said, leading Ron out of the room with one last worried look at Harry. Harry waited in the room another ten minutes to make sure the halls would be empty.

As Harry walked through the halls he kept his head down, thinking. He didn't notice the person coming around the corner and the two ran into each other. Harry cried out and fell to the floor, curling into a ball. The other person gave a soft _oof _as he fell to the ground. Since the calming potion was still affecting him, he quickly rationalized that the person was not going to hurt him, and moved into a sitting position before standing and getting a good look at the other person. His heart sunk when he caught sight of the platinum blonde hair. Draco Malfoy. Though he seemed to be missing his trademark smirk and his two trained gorillas, this was still not what he needed right now.

"Watch where you're going Potter." Malfoy said before walking away to where ever he was supposed to be, leaving behind one very puzzled Harry Potter. His voice had held only a fraction of the malice it once did. The Draco Malfoy of last year would have jumped at the chance to knock him around while he was still recovering from a coma. Something was wrong here.

Still deep in thought, but this time looking where he was going, Harry returned to his room, using the portrait of the snake on the second floor as it would be suspicious to go into the dungeons and use the door to Severus' chambers. That was, after all, the reason he had his own door. So people wouldn't know Harry was living with Severus, and that he was Harry's real father.

Harry was still picking at his dinner when Severus returned to the rooms. He was thinking about his reaction to the other students, his fear of crowds, and how he would possibly ever get back to normal. He knew already that he would need to wait a while before picking up another class. He also knew it would be a long time before he could eat in the Great Hall, or walk through the crowded hallways without needing a calming potion.

"Did you take your potions this morning?" Severus asked, causing Harry, who hadn't noticed him walk in, to jump and drop his fork to his plate with a clatter.

"Yes Severus. You only reminded me about ten times." He said. Severus frowned slightly at the way Harry kept switching between 'Severus' and 'Dad.' He mostly used Dad when he was highly emotional, and Severus when he was more aware.

"You really should eat more Harry." He said, sitting across from him at the table.

"I was thinking." Harry said, taking a bite.

"About what?" Severus asked.

"Today. I panicked. Thank you for the calming potion, I don't know what would have happened without it." Harry said

"What happened to make you panic?" Severus asked.

"I was just in the hallway. Everybody was there because the bell had just rung, and there were just too many of them. It was so loud, and everyone was touching me, bumping into me and I just couldn't take all the noise and the people." Harry said quietly looking down at his plate, ashamed of what he saw as weakness.

"You might have social anxiety. Or claustrophobia." Severus suggested.

"I lived in a cupboard for ten years, I don't think it's claustrophobia." Harry said, frowning.

"Perhaps when you were in the coma, you began to associate the cupboard with punishment, something bad, rather than your room. There were many memories of that whale of a man shouting and throwing you under the stairs. Now that you haven't been in a small space like that for so long, you might have developed an aversion to them." Severus reasoned, sounding slightly angry at the mention of Vernon.

"I didn't know you could just catch claustrophobia like that." Harry said.

"Most people who have a phobia developed it after some terrifying experience." Severus said.

"Why do you all of a sudden sound like a psychologist?" Harry asked.

"When I was young I had a fascination with psychology. The ways the human mind can be twisted to believe anything is quite amazing. I'm sorry to say I used some of the things I learned to torture people when I was a loyal Death Eater. Some of the knowledge even helped me create some potions."

"Ah, yes, I remember something about 'the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses' (_pg. 137 in Sorcerer's Stone_) in the speech you gave us first year." Harry said.

"You remember that?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I remember a lot of little, useless things. Things that other people don't notice." Harry said. Severus nodded. There was silence for a moment as Harry finished eating.

"Dumbledore has collected all the work you missed the first few weeks of school. I've got it here." Severus said, pulling out a large bundle of papers. Harry's eyes widened at the large stack of parchment.

"I have to do all that?" Harry asked.

"You have a few weeks. Of course, you'll also get the homework from whatever classes you haven't taken up yet. If you wish I can help you with some of the practical work in the evenings."

"Thanks Dad." Harry said, carrying the stack up to his room. "What about potions? You'll help me catch up in your class too, right?" Harry asked.

"Yes. It's unthinkable to have a Snape who can't even brew a single decent potion." Severus said.

"Has all of your family been potion masters?" Harry asked.

"It's your family as well Harry. For the most part, yes. There are a few exceptions, such as my father – your grandfather. He was…different." Severus said. Harry could tell Severus didn't really want to talk about his father much. "If you want to work on potions, Poppy has a list of potions needed for the infirmary. Seems you've already depleted her stock and the school year's barely begun." Severus said, the corners of his mouth turned up slightly – his version of a smile.

"I'm not sure Madame Pomfrey should trust anything I brew." Harry said.

"I'm not going to send her whatever botched potion you manage to create. I'll start you off with a potion to cure boils. I do believe you were supposed to make it in first year." Severus said. The evening went fairly smoothly. Harry managed to produce a perfect potion to cure boils, but nearly ruined the burn salve he tried next. Luckily Severus caught his mistake and with a bit of quick thinking salvaged the potion.

"Severus?" Harry asked as they were cleaning up the lab.

"Yes?"

"Has something happened to Malfoy?" Harry asked. "I ran into him in the hallway, but he wasn't acting like himself at all. He didn't even insult me once, though I'm sure he saw how badly I reacted." Snape sighed.

"He really should tell you himself, it is his business. But if you must know, he was disowned for refusing the Dark Mark." Severus said.

"Why didn't Voldemort kill him?" Harry asked quietly after a moment.

"He still hopes to coerce Draco into joining his side. And it would be prudent to kill such a powerful wizard, who could still be bribed or forced into joining their side." Severus answered.

"So basically he hopes it's just a case of teenage rebellion?" Harry asked.

"If you wish to put it that way. And I do believe he refused his father rather than Voldemort himself." Severus added.

Harry awoke soon after going to sleep that night, his scar feeling as if it was being branded with a hot wire and cut open again at the same time. Voldemort was furious. In the next room he heard Severus moving around, no doubt he had been called. Harry rushed to his room and intercepted him as he was leaving, dressed in full Death Eater garb.

"Severus, be careful. He's really, really mad. One of the Death Eaters brought him bad news and he just killed him. I think it had something to do with me." Harry said quickly.

"Calm down Harry." Severus said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I promise I'll be careful. He probably wants to tell us something, or give us a job. He's not going to kill any more of us, he needs all the followers he can get." Severus reassured the distraught boy. Harry nodded and Severus hugged him before quickly sweeping out of the room on his way to the edge of the apparition wards.

As during the last summoning, Harry made himself stay awake. Not knowing what was happening was killing him, but he knew Severus would be furious if he fell asleep knowing there was a meeting and he would be hurt through the visions. That, and he didn't want to deal with the pain and the horror of whatever he might see

At last Harry heard someone enter the rooms and rushed down to see Severus. He quickly ran to hug him, glad he was okay. He seemed relatively unharmed actually.

"What happened?" Harry demanded.

"He found out you were in a coma. He was mad that he couldn't get at you while you couldn't fight back. He asked why I didn't inform him, and I told him that Dumbledore charmed it so the information couldn't leave the school. I also told him that the students knew, yet none of the children reported it."

"Do you need a post-cruciatus potion?" Harry asked, knowing what Voldemort's reaction to Severus keeping the information from him would be.

"That would probably be good." Severus said, walking over to his private store of potions.

"Do you need to report to Dumbledore?" Harry asked once Severus had relaxed under the potions effects.

"It can wait until morning. Voldemort doesn't plan to act. He is only angry he missed the chance." Severus said.

"I'm glad you're okay." Harry said quietly, giving him one more hug before Severus shooed him back up to bed.


	16. Demons Revealed

The days passed by quickly for Harry. In the morning he would work on the homework he had missed. He would go to his classes and then return to his room to work again, or play with Sangue and Midnight as he was still weary of human contact. He continued to need a calming drought when in the crowded hallways, a fact which greatly annoyed him. After dinner Severus would help him with the practical work, mostly potions which Harry was finding weren't so hard without the distractions he usually had in class.

After a week of History of Magic class Harry decided to pick up Herbology, another relatively safe class. They were out in the large greenhouses, and the house they shared the class with were the Hufflepuffs who were usually kind and mild-mannered. As with the Gryffindors he had an enthusiastic welcome back from the Hufflepuff students.

Harry found if he hung back slightly after Herbology, walking across the grounds slowly, he could avoid the largest part of the crowd in the halls and didn't need a calming potion. He still kept one with him at all times however, just incase. He would have lingered in the History of Magic classroom in order to avoid the crowd then as well, but the class that was coming in were Slytherins and he didn't particularly want a run in with them yet.

Harry continued to use concealing charms to hide his scars, as well as a few new cuts. No matter how hard he tried it was difficult for him to stop. He cut less frequently though, and it was usually only after a distressing nightmare or a vision. Severus somehow always knew when he was cutting and stopped him after only a cut or two, staying with him until he was calm again, offering much needed support.

People in his classes soon leaned that something was off with Harry. He would flinch whenever someone tried to touch him, and small disturbances jumped him. He rarely ever spoke and liked to be alone. Many didn't know why he acted the way he did. Some believed it had something to do with the coma. Others believed it was to do with Voldemort. Both suggestions were part of the truth, but not the entire reason, though the one about the coma was closer.

Harry continued to berate himself for flinching so easily. He knew he was safe here, he just had to convince his subconscious of the fact. He was glad that not many knew the symptoms of abuse. Since the wizard population was so much less than the muggles, wizard children, especially in pureblood families, were considered precious and were almost never abused. Of course, there were always exceptions. And there were plenty of muggle-borns in the school who might know something of abuse. But so far as Harry knew no one had figured it out, or if they had, they were keeping it secret.

Severus returned to his quarters after supervising a third year Hufflepuff's detention to find Harry asleep on the sofa, book laying on the ground where he must have dropped it. Severus was slightly worried about him. He was having nightmares almost nightly, and Severus had caught him cutting twice that week. Of course, he had placed a light monitoring spell on the teen so he would be able to tell when Harry cut. He still remembered the night when one of the cubs had woken him up, when he had found Harry cutting. He remembered how Harry had stumbled in the hall, how his blood had been everywhere. He had lost so much blood as to render him unconscious for two days that time.

Severus took the chance to observe his son as he slept. He was on his side, one arm tucked under his head and the other hanging off the edge of the sofa, lightly brushing the back of Sangue who was lying on the ground beneath him. Midnight was at the end of the sofa, head lying on Harry's legs. Harry was slightly pale, a side effect of both the coma and the almost regular loss of blood from cutting. There were shadows under his eyes, testament to the small amount of sleep he had been getting.

Severus was about to leave him be when he began to move around and mumble something under his breath. Severus quickly recognized it as a nightmare and shook his shoulders lightly. The reaction from the teen was violent. He screamed and shot up into a sitting position before curling into a ball, shrinking into the sofa and bringing his arms up to protects his head.

"No! Don't! Please, I won't do it again!" Harry pleaded. Severus gently gripped his arms and pulled them away from his head. His eyes were scrunched tightly shut.

"Harry. Harry, look at me. It's Severus. No one here is going to hurt you. You're okay now." Severus said softly, coaxing the boy into relaxing. Cautiously Harry peered at him and dropped his arms, sighing.

"Sorry." He whispered, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees. Severus sat beside him on the sofa and rubbed his back in a comforting motion.

"The only one who should be sorry is Dursley." Severus said. Harry flinched at the anger he heard in his father's voice. Severus sighed inaudibly.

"I'm not angry with you Harry." Severus reassured the boy.

"How can you stand me?" Harry asked in a whisper. Before Severus could answer Harry continued speaking. "I'm so weak. I flinch at the slightest touch. These damn nightmares are driving me crazy! I need constant reassurance that it's not me, but it is me! I'm a freak, a worthless freak!" Harry shouted, letting out a choked sob and rushing to his room. Severus sat stunned for a moment before following the boy. He found him curled up on his bed, crying softly. Carefully he approached him and pulled him into a hug. Harry tried to fight it but Severus held him tightly.

"I don't deserve this." Harry whispered.

"Yes you do. You deserve this and more. Society has placed its burdens onto you, expecting you to save us all, to be strong. But you aren't a super hero Harry. You are a child who was forced to grow up too soon. You are a normal human being, not a demi-god as many wish to believe. You have your strengths and your weaknesses, and right now you are simply going through a rough time. The weight of the world can be carried by one person only so long before he breaks." Severus said. Harry slumped into his father's arms and allowed himself to be comforted.

"Feel better?" Severus asked once Harry had calmed down. Harry nodded. "Are you positive you are capable of dealing with classes so soon? It seems like you have been having more nightmares than usual since you forced yourself back into contact with humanity." Severus asked.

"I can do it. I need to do it. I haven't gone off on a rampage and slit my wrists again, so I believe I'm doing quite well." Harry said. Severus frowned slightly at his words but let it go. They sat in silence a moment longer until Harry spoke up.

"Could you help me with some of my school work?" Harry asked. Severus frowned again.

"You've been working non-stop all week Harry. And I know you haven't been getting much sleep. Take a night off. How about I get you a dreamless sleep potion so you won't have anymore nightmares tonight?" Severus suggested.

"Okay. But you'll help me tomorrow?" Harry asked.

"Yes. I'll be right back." Severus returned with a potion vial and Harry downed it in one gulp, quickly falling asleep. Midnight and Sangue curled up at the foot of his bed. The cubs were getting big quite fast. Already they were close to double the size they were when Harry had first purchased them. Sangue's golden eyes still danced with mischief while Midnight's eyes seemed to hold a hidden intelligence. Both were extremely loyal to Harry and hated to stay behind when he went to classes. Harry had pondered whether to leave them in his rooms or not, but decided if he truly needed him they would be able to tell, like when they had alerted Severus to his cutting or tried to stay with him in the hospital wing during his coma.

Severus sighed as he left his son's room and headed for his potion lab. He set up two cauldrons, one for a calming draught and the other for blood replenishing potion. Harry was quickly going through his stocks of both potions. Luckily neither was addictive, unlike dreamless sleep. Even if the dreamless sleep potion wasn't addictive, Severus wouldn't give it to Harry everyday. Harry needed to overcome his demons, not spend the rest of his life hiding from them. This was something Severus understood quite well.

As he brewed the potions almost automatically, he allowed his mind to wander. Unfortunately it landed on his own childhood. There were so many things Harry had in common with Severus, so many things he wished his son had never had to experience. Severus knew all to well how Harry was feeling. Severus' own father had been abusive. He had never gone so far as rape though, thank Merlin.

Severus' mother had died when Severus was young. Suicide. His parents marriage had been arranged, and there was no love lost between the two. Severus highly doubted his mother would have even let his father lay a hand on her if she wasn't expected to produce an heir.

Severus' mother had been a kind woman when she lived. She had loved life and loved her son even more. She'd had beautiful ebony hair that fell in waves to her waist, coal black eyes that Severus had inherited, and a soft face. Severus had inherited his fathers angular face and crooked nose, along with the straight hair, but the color was his mother's. They'd had a fairly happy life, avoiding his father as much as possible. At least until Severus was seven. That was when his father had joined the Death Eaters. His mother fell into a depression soon after, and his father became violent. That's when the beatings began.

When Severus was nine he had found his mother's body laying in a pool of blood in the bathroom, her wrists slit, scars littering her arms along with the bruises from her last beating. She had always tried to shade Severus, but just ended up getting herself beaten far worse than what would have happened to Severus. She had turned to cutting to take away the pain of her abusive marriage. When his father raped her, it was the last straw.

This was part of the reason why Severus understood Harry's habit so well. His mother had been the same way. The cutting was her release, something she could control. Much like Harry, except Harry's cutting was his anchor to reality, Severus believed.

He finished up the calming draught and quickly ladled it into vials, carefully labeling each one. He added the next ingredient to the blood replenishing potion and then cleaned up after the calming draught and set out ingredients for a new batch of dreamless sleep. This time he concentrated on his potions instead of letting his mind wander. He had made these medicinal potions for Poppy so many times over the years he was positive he could do them in his sleep.

In the beginning of October Harry started going to Care of Magical Creatures class. It was a bit of a leap for him as the class was shared with Slytherins, but he was determined to do it. When he showed up just before the bell rang Hagrid pulled him into a tight embrace, oblivious to the flinch and the small squeak Harry gave.

Harry was slightly surprised when Draco showed up not long after him, alone, but then remembered what Severus had told him. Draco acknowledged him with a nod but otherwise did nothing. The rest of the class began to trickle down to Hagrid's hut soon after. Harry kept himself slightly apart from most of the students, even Ron and Hermione, and tried his best to ignore the Slytherin's taunting.

Today Hagrid led them to the lake where there was an animal that looked much like a horse tied to a tree. It's mane looked to be made of rushes and it had a slightly green tint to it. Hagrid introduced it as a Kelpie. Kelpies liked to lure people into riding on their backs, then bring them to the bottom of the lake they resided in and quickly devour them. Of course Hagrid would love them. He also informed the class that the so called Loch Ness Monster was in fact a rather large Kelpie.

Towards the end of the class he let the students do as they pleased, either talking amongst each other or nervously approaching the Kelpie, who was rather safe tied up by a bridle. Some of the Slytherins took to taunting Harry again. He ignored them until a particular insult sparked a memory of rape. His breath hitched and he fought not to hyperventilate as he fumbled in his bag for his vial of calming drought. Not caring who saw he quickly downed it, feeling relief come almost as fast as when he used a blade.

Surveying the class he saw most were turned away from him, except for a pair of silver eyes which were observing him curiously. Luckily the bell rang soon and he began to slowly make his way back to the castle. Most of the class hurried on ahead of him to get to their next class so Harry was left alone to think.

"What was that back in class, Potter?" a voice asked, causing him to jump. He hadn't noticed Draco slowing down, allowing Harry to catch up to him.

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked, slightly nervous. He unconsciously crossed his arms over his chest.

"I saw you flinch after that last insult from Parkinson, and I saw you drink that potion. What was it and why are you acting this way?" Draco asked.

"It wasn't anything illegal if that's what you're thinking. It was prescribed." Harry said. It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't really a lie either. Severus, as both a potions master and Harry's father, had the authority to give him whatever potions he felt necessary. Potions were much like muggle prescription drugs. Some of them benefitted sick people, but could be harmful to healthy people. Some of them were much like muggle drugs and were illegal.

"What potion could you possibly have to drink in the middle of class?" Draco asked.

"Just leave me alone Malfoy." Harry said, walking swiftly down the corridor that led to the snake painting that guarded the second door to his room. So perhaps Malfoy wasn't entirely changed. But at least Harry knew he could still stand up for himself.


	17. Despair

It was a week later that Harry found himself working with Draco Malfoy in Care of Magical Creatures class. They were working with doxies, vicious little things they were. The doxies were like fairies, except they were covered in a thick layer of hair and had two sets of arms and two sets of legs. They also had extremely sharp teeth.

Draco had insisted on pairing with Harry. There was an odd number of Slytherins and an odd number of Gryffindors, so there had to be one mixed pair. Draco didn't feel like pairing with any of the Slytherins after that summer and Ron and Hermione had paired together, leaving Harry to conveniently become his partner for the class.

"Still won't tell me what happened to you?" Draco asked, smirking.

"Why do you care?" Harry asked quietly. Immediately Draco became serious.

"I saw you in the hospital wing…at the beginning of the year." Draco said. Harry sucked in a breath but didn't say anything. "You looked…dead. You were nothing more than a skeleton, Potter. And…there were scars, all over your arms, with thicker ones on your wrists and one on your neck." Draco said. Harry was gripping the worktable tightly, breathing fast. He had seen. He knew. How? And why wasn't he ridiculing Harry for it? Did he truly care? Could he care?

"You knew?" Harry finally whispered.

"I guessed. Did you do it to yourself?" Draco asked. Slowly Harry nodded, not knowing why he was confiding in the boy who had, up until this year, been one of his worst enemies.

"Suicide?" Draco asked.

"I tried twice." Harry whispered.

"What stopped you?" Draco asked. Harry was still clueless about why he was confiding in Draco, but he knew it felt good to finally get this all of his chest. To at least tell someone. And maybe Draco had changed enough so that he wouldn't spread it all over the school. He had had his suspicions, yet there was no indication he had told anyone else yet.

"The first time my aunt and uncle stopped me. The second time Se-Professor Snape stopped me." Harry said.

"Professor Snape?" Draco asked, ignoring the slip…for the moment.

"He was coming to check up on me." Harry said. It was the truth after all.

"Why can't I see the scar on your neck anymore?" Draco asked.

"Concealing charms." Harry answered.

"Was that why you were in a coma?" he asked next.

"No." Harry whispered, class all but forgotten.

"Why then?" Draco asked.

"Why do you want to know? Why do you care?" Harry asked instead.

"I…don't know. Something about seeing you there. So vulnerable. I finally realized you were just a boy, not some super hero. The only reason I hated you was because I was mad that you had refused me in first year. I was a spoiled brat. I always got what I wanted, but you refused me." Draco said.

"Did I really look that bad?" Harry asked.

"Like skin stretched over a skeleton. Pale as death with a bunch of tubes sticking out of you." Draco said bluntly.

"One of my cubs spilled my pensive." Harry said.

"Cubs?" Draco asked.

"I got two black panther cubs this summer." Harry said.

"How did spilling a pensive send you into a coma? I know that sometimes people can be knocked out from sensory overload, but a coma?" Draco asked.

"I…I had a lot of…unpleasant memories…in the pensive." Harry said. There was silence for a few moments.

"Why did you do it?" Draco asked, breaking the silence with a question he had been itching to ask.

"Please, no more questions." He begged, trying to keep the tears from falling as he thought of that summer. Luckily the bell rang and they began packing up. As usual Harry did so slowly so as to be the last one back into the castle. Once there he went to his room and collapsed onto the bed, finally letting the tears fall.

"Harry?" it was after dinner and Severus had entered his rooms to find nothing. Slightly worried he headed up to Harry's room. "Harry? what happened?" he asked.

"Just some bad memories." Harry answered. "Malfoy knows. He knows I tried to kill myself. He saw me in the hospital wing, saw the scars. Confronted me in class today." Harry explained quietly. Severus gave Harry a small hug.

"Will you be okay?" he asked.

"Yes. I'm just going to sleep I think. Goodnight." Harry said, closing his eyes, curling into a ball without really thinking. He just wanted the world to go away. But unfortunately sleep was not cooperating with Harry. He lay awake thinking of everything. He couldn't forget how Malfoy was last year. His attempted suicide would be all over the school tomorrow. What would people think of him? Harry didn't think he could deal with it, all the pity, the disgust. They would know all his dirty little secrets.

These thoughts ran over and over in Harry's head, sinking him deeper and deeper into despair. The deeper he thought, the deeper he sunk. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and he got up. By now it was nearing midnight. No one would bother him. He didn't even think of Severus, how he always knew when he was cutting. He just thought about his despair and his need to be rid of this burden called life. He barely felt the sting as the blade sliced deeply into his arm, but he did feel it when he dragged the blade up the length of his left forearm. His last taste of life before he was finally free. He watched transfixed as his lifeblood quickly flowed out of the gaping wound.

Severus was woken by the silent alarms that meant Harry had harmed himself. Hearing they were particularly intense, he quickly rushed to Harry's room, cursing Draco to the pits of hell. The sight that met his eyes was far worse then he expected. Harry lay slumped on the floor in a puddle of blood, one hand loosely holding his dagger, the other turned up for all to see the long gash running the length of the arm from wrist to elbow. Severus had a brief flash of another he had found in almost this same position. His own mother. The memories threatened to overwhelm him and he only felt like falling to his knees like he had done once before.

Gently, with shaking hands he reached out to Harry, feeling for a pulse. He began to panic but finally he found it. It was weak and erratic, but it was there. Wasting no more time he cast a blood clotting spell and another to partially heal the wound. He quickly brought Harry downstairs and called for Poppy, shouting through the floo until she had appeared.

"Oh dear Merlin!" Poppy exclaimed, quickly setting to work. After several bloody moments the wound was healed, the only thing left an angry red scar. The blood was easily cleaned up and Severus sat carding his fingers through Harry's hair in a calming motion as Poppy had tears streaming down her face.

"Let him stay here Poppy. I have all the potions you do and more, and it will probably be better for him to wake up in familiar surroundings than to a crowded infirmary. I think it goes without saying that you are not to tell anyone about this without Harry's permission?" Severus asked.

"Yes Severus, and he may stay here. I'll tell his friends he's in quarantine with a contagious disease. Bring him back to bed, he won't be waking up for a few days. Feed him another blood replenishing potion in three hours and he should be fine." Poppy said wearily. Severus carried him upstairs laying Harry back in his bed before going to clean up the mess in the bathroom. He picked up the dagger and cleaned it off carefully before carrying it to his own room. He was foolish to have let Harry keep it.

Many people noticed Harry's absence in the classes he did take. Hermione and Ron were quite worried, and went to see if he was in the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey only said he was sick and that he was contagious and therefore they could not see him. Luckily they bought it, though it took some convincing, especially with Hermione.

Draco was slightly worried, though he would never admit it. How likely was it that Potter went missing right after he confronted him over the coma and his attempted suicide? What if he tried again? Draco tried to dismiss the idea, thinking that maybe it was something to do with the coma, a relapse or something, even trying to convince himself Potter really did have a contagious disease and was cut off from the other students.

Severus hated having to leave Harry alone the next day, but it was Thursday and he had classes. He had to make an appearance especially since people would be quick to notice Harry's absence. Friday he seriously considered not going to classes, but Harry was the talk of the school. It wouldn't do to have him missing too. Finally Saturday came and Severus could stay with Harry. He still hadn't shown signs of waking up, but he was stable, his body nearly completely healed. The only difference was the new scar, a thick scar that stuck up from the surrounding skin, the pink of a newer wound. In time it would fade to a pale color, but it would still stick up, a long ridge running the length of Harry's forearm.

Finally, late on Saturday night, Harry stirred. Severus was at his side instantly, running his hands through Harry's hair in a comforting motion. He had been scared to death when he saw his son lying in a pool of his own blood not unlike his grandmother, Severus' mother. But this time Severus had been able to do something instead of stare as she breathed her last breath, as she stared up with glassy eyes. No, this time he had made a difference.

"Harry?" Severus asked gently.

"Dad?" Harry whispered, voice slightly hoarse.

"I'm here son, you're okay now."

"I'm sorry." Harry whispered, tears running down his face. Severus gathered him into a tight embrace, rocking him back and forth slightly. Soon Harry had cried himself to sleep again. Severus gently laid him on the mattress and returned to watching over him

When Severus woke up the next morning Harry was sitting up in bed, fidgeting with the edge of his blanket. Severus called a house elf to bring them some breakfast and set a tray down on Harry's lap.

"Just eat what you can." Severs said, turning to his own tray. After breakfast Severus waited a moment before speaking.

"Why did you do it Harry?" he asked. Harry drew in a shaky breath, still looking down.

"I…I couldn't sleep. I just kept thinking about things. About how Malfoy could tell the whole school my secrets. Every one would know, and they would be disgusted, or think I was weak, or pity me, and that's not what I want Dad, it's not! I just want to be normal for once in my life! Why can't I ever be normal?" Harry ranted, breaking down into tears again. "I can't even go into the hallway without needed a potion." Once again Severus embraced him, letting him cry and scream and get all the emotion out.

"I didn't think. I just kept thinking about all the bad stuff in life. I wanted to see mum again." Harry said, voice cracking with emotion when he mentioned Lily.

"There are many people who truly care about you still alive Harry, don't forget that. You have so much to live for." Severus said. "Don't make a mistake like that so early in life. I let my despair take over as a child, and I made a horrible mistake. I've spent the last decade and a half trying to make up for it. Luckily it wasn't completely permanent, but death is Harry." Harry nodded and buried his face into Severus' robes, craving the comfort he had been deprived of as a child, comfort Severus was more than willing to give now that they had rediscovered and repaired their relationship

"I'm sorry to say this Harry, but I'm taking away your dagger. You need to overcome this and having the knife there is just tempting you, delaying any progress." Severus said.

"I understand." Harry said, a hint of sorrow in his voice.

"You need to take it easy for a while Harry. I don't want you attending classes for a few days. If you wish I will speak with Draco, he is my godson." Severus said.

"No…it's okay. I just…if I keep myself busy…I think I'll be fine. Don't let me brood. I'm afraid of what will happen if I do." Harry said brokenly.

"Will you be alright while I'm teaching tomorrow?" Severus asked.

"I think so. I can work on my make up work. If you leave some calming potion out I think I'll be fine." Harry answered.

"Good. I'll leave out a vial of dreamless sleep as well. If you feel like you did before, drink it before you can act." Severus said. Harry nodded.


	18. Healing, Hiding, and Hurting

Time passed and Harry returned to his classes, supposedly cured of his contagious disease. Hermione and Ron asked several questions but Harry was able to convince them the lie was actually the truth. At the beginning of November he picked up transfigurations class.

By the end of November, Harry was much more comfortable around people. He didn't like crowds much, but didn't need a calming potion. Harry had begun going to Defense Against the Dark Arts class as well. He found himself becoming somewhat friendly with Draco as Ron and Hermione were now a couple and always paired together.

Harry was quickly finding out that Draco was actually a nice guy under the cold, cruel exterior. Harry found it easier to talk to Draco because they did not have a history of friendship. He did not have to worry about Draco leaving him, because he really wasn't one of his best friends just yet. Eventually Draco received the full story of Harry's summer, minus the rape. Harry didn't know if he would ever be able to tell anyone about that. But Draco was kind to him and didn't think he was abnormal because of his cutting or suicide attempts. He was quickly becoming just what Harry wanted and needed in a best friend, as Ron and Hermione were currently wrapped up in each other.

In the beginning of December, however, Severus found Harry cutting himself with a kitchen knife. There were several new wounds as well that he had been covering with concealing charms. Severus took away the knife, searching Harry's room for more, and charmed every blade in the kitchen to be blunt to human flesh.

Things only got worse however. One day Severus returned to their rooms after dinner to find the place a mess. After quickly searching the rooms he found Harry in the kitchen. The drawers were all pulled out and knives covered the floor beside Harry. He had a large knife in his hand and was pressing it against his wrist, tears streaming down his face. He was pressing so hard Severus was afraid the skin would break, blunt knife or not. He quickly scooped Harry into his arms, gently removing the knife from his grasp, and the boy promptly broke down.

"I can't take it anymore Dad! I can't keep pretending nothing's wrong when nothing will ever be the same again. I can't keep being this person I'm not! I can't be the Boy-Who-Lived anymore. Why can't I just be Harry? Why can't I be Alexander Snape? Why do I have to be Harry Potter? I don't want to be him anymore! He's not me Dad, he's not. I just want it all to end! Please Dad, let me go. Let me see Mum again. Let me be myself. Please Dad, let me die." Harry ranted, shouting in the beginning, whispering towards the end.

Severus was slightly disturbed by his son's rants, but just held him close and let him rant and cry and scream and shout. He never knew Harry felt this way. He was truly a Slytherin if he could hide his real feelings this well. Severus quickly thought of what he could do to help his son. Christmas vacation started on Saturday, but there were still two more days of classes. He would have to try to help Harry over vacation. But how?

Severus carried Harry up to his room, summoning a light sleeping potion for the boy to drink. As he fell asleep Severus placed a few wards over him to inform him of when Harry woke up, or if he was in distress. Going downstairs he decided to call on Tonks. Said girl promptly fell out of his fireplace after he had talked with her for a few moments.

"First you must swear that whatever is said in this room will never leave it." Severus said, completely serious. Tonks agreed.

"I have a child staying with me who is metamorphmagus. Dumbledore knows of the child but does not know his abilities, I would like it to stay that way." Severus said, Tonks nodded and he continued. "When he was a child, a spell was used to keep him in one form, so that he would believe someone who was not his father actually was. He does not know how to revert to his natural form and would like to know how." Severus said seriously.

"Alright. Can't be too hard. What's his name?" Tonks asked.

"Alexander." Severus said, going upstairs to fetch Harry.

"Harry?" Severus asked as he entered his son's room.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if you still wish to know what you truly look like. Tonks is downstairs right now, but if you don't want to see her you don't have to." Harry's face lit up at the news.

"Are you kidding? Of course I want to know what I look like!" Harry said.

"I told her your name was Alexander. She knows nothing more than Dumbledore knows you are staying with me and you are metamorphmagus. It would be helpful if you would change your features." Snape said. Harry nodded and changed his hair blonde and shorter, his eyes to brown, before heading downstairs with Severus.

"Alright, let's see what you can do first. You can change your features, right?" Tonks asked. Harry responded by changing his hair to green spikes, his eyes blue, and his nose slightly smaller.

"Good. Nice tastes kid. Can you change the shape of your face?" Tonks asked. Harry made his cheekbones higher, his face slightly skinnier and more elongated.

"Good, you learn fast. Lastly, can you change the shape of your body?" Tonks asked. Harry concentrated for a moment and his body grew taller, slightly more filled out as well.

"Okay. To change back to your natural form, you need to concentrate on yourself. Don't think of any look at all. Think of a sense of rightness, of belonging. Think of being completely natural." Tonks said.

"Can I see you do it? I think it might be easier with an example." Harry asked. Severus smirked. No one he knew had ever seen Tonks' true look. Tonks sighed but agreed, and closed her eyes to shift. Sitting in front of them now was a girl of average height with long dirty-blonde hair. Her eyes were a light shade of green and her face slightly heart-shaped, and her features feminine. She had long legs and looked quite graceful, a big difference from her clumsy nature.

"Now you try." Tonks said, shifting back to how she was before with shoulder length purple hair and silver eyes. Harry closed his eyes and began to concentrate as Tonks had told him. As he was about to give up on anything happening, he felt himself changing. He quickly opened his eyes and Severus conjured a mirror for him.

Harry was taller, but still several inches shorter than Severus himself. His hair was long, straight, and jet black like his father's, but soft like his mother's and not greasy looking at all. His eyes were still green, but a shade or two darker. His nose was thankfully not like Severus' but more like his mothers. His features were all well defined with high cheekbones, but they were softer than Severus', probably his mother's influence. All in all, the major bone structure of his face hadn't changed much, but enough to make him unrecognizable as Harry Potter. Harry's body was more or less the same. He was still extremely skinny and the scars were all there, but he was taller and his limbs were longer. His hands were more like Severus', slim with long fingers, pianist's hands, Harry thought.

"Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me." Harry said once he was done studying himself. Tonks was busy glancing between Harry and Snape.

"You…you're last name wouldn't happen to be Snape, would it?" She asked weakly. Harry looked to Severus.

"Yes, it would be." Snape said, draping a protective arm over his son's shoulders.

"Alright then. Maybe a family will do you some good Snape." she said. After a moment Tonks left and the two Snape's were left to themselves.

"At least you were lucky enough not to inherit the famous Snape nose." Severus said, causing Harry to laugh slightly.

"I always figured you just broke your nose once or twice." Harry said.

"I have broken my nose several times but magic easily sets it back to the way it was." Severus said. "Harry," he began, not sure how to phrase his question. "How would you like to be Alexander Snape over the holidays? Possibly longer, if Dumbledore allows it." He finally decided on. "It may be dangerous, as Voldemort likes to begin seeing the children of his Death Eaters around this age to determine their worth. But I believe most of the dangerous Slytherins are going home." Severus.

"Really?" Harry asked, millions of emotions flitting across his face.

"Yes. When the students go to board the train this Saturday, I will bring you down earlier. You will make it look as if you just arrived on the train and I will be there to bring you back up to the castle."

"Yes! Of course I want to! Thank you so much!" Harry said, genuine happiness shining in his eyes. "What will I tell Ron and Hermione?" Harry asked.

"Tell them Dumbledore is sending you away Friday afternoon to train over vacation." Severus said.

"You have no idea how much this means to me Dad." Harry said honestly.

"It's nothing. I am not positive if you will be allowed to remain as Alexander once school is back in session however. It will be even more dangerous then, and people will panic if Harry Potter goes missing." Severus said.

"At least I get a few weeks of freedom." Harry said quietly.


	19. Meet Alexander Snape

Severus told his plan to Dumbledore on Thursday, and he agreed it might do Harry some good. When asked about letting Harry stay as Alexander, he only said he would think about it. Severus scowled but let it go. Arguing with the old man was like trying to get a reaction out of a brick wall.

On Friday afternoon Harry said goodbye to all his friends in Gryffindor tower, saying that he was going away for vacation and they weren't to contact him. He then went to Dumbledore's office where his father was waiting for him. They both flooed to their rooms to avoid being seen. Harry barely even had to concentrate to turn into his proper form. It just felt comfortable, felt right to be in that form.

In the morning Harry, in his invisibility cloak, and Severus got into one of the carriages that usually brought the students to Hogwarts at the beginning of term and rode down to the platform. Harry walked onto the train and placed his cloak in a small bag he had carried with him. He waited a few moments and left the train just as the first few carriages containing students were arriving. He walked over to Severus and stood beside him as the students flooded the station. They would be waiting until the train had left as Severus had agreed to watch over the students on the platform. Professor McGonagall and the defense teacher, a kind auror by the name of Cassandra Whittier, were also watching over the platform.

Harry began feeling uncomfortable with the stares he was attracting. It was even worse than it had been as Harry Potter. But he supposed it would be as most of the students were used to Harry, and Alexander was a new face for them. At least it wasn't the hero worship glances he used to receive. A few looked uneasy at the resemblance Harry had to Severus, but most seemed curious. Everyone seemed too nervous to approach them however, as it was Professor Snape he was standing beside. Soon the train was pulling out of the station and all but one carriage had left. The three professors and Harry, now Alex, all climbed into the carriage.

"Hello, I don't believe I've met you before." The defense professor said. "I'm Cassandra Whittier, the Defense professor here. This is Professor McGonagall, the Transfiguration teacher, and I'm guessing you know Professor Snape." She said, extending her hand. Harry took it but didn't say anything, instead looking to Severus. He nodded and Harry turned back to face Professor Whittier.

"Alexander Snape. Pleased to meet you." He said. McGonagall looked between Harry and Severus. Harry could tell she was piecing things together. She had, after all, been there when Severus revealed his relation to Harry.

"Would you be related to Severus then?" She asked kindly.

"He is my son." Severus answered for Harry.

"Well congratulations Severus, I didn't know you had any family." She said.

"Precious few do." Severus answered. Luckily the carriage arrived at the school and they all got off, the other two heading to their rooms upstairs while Severus and Harry went to the dungeons.

"Will you be taking meals in the Great Hall?" Severus asked once it neared lunch time.

"I think so. I'm not as scared now, and with half the school off to see their families it won't be as crowded." Harry answered.

"It would be best if you sat at the Slytherin table, but if you wish I'm sure you will be allowed at the head table with me, or you may sit at any other table." Severus said.

"I think I'll be fine at the Slytherin table. Draco is actually nice now, maybe he'll be nice to me as Alex as well. Plus, I think most of the Slytherins, especially the upper years, went home, correct?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Severus sighed. "The Dark Lord is getting braver. He is marking all of the Death Eater's children who are in seventh year over Christmas, and will mark the sixth year children this summer. If you stay as Alexander Snape, if word gets to the Dark Lord and I have not yet been found out as a spy, you will most likely have to attend a few meetings, and this summer we will have to find a way to avoid having you marked." Severus said seriously.

"Have you told Dumbledore the seventh years are being marked?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Severus said.

"And he's still allowing them back into the school!" Harry exclaimed.

"I believe he hopes to convert some of them into spies. The marking ceremony is…not pleasant. During Voldemort's first uprise he marked any child who was sixteen or older. My father had me marked at sixteen, and I was more than willing to receive the mark. Several people who were marked could not deal with their choice, could not deal with the pain of the mark. He makes it so that the mark burns for days on end after the initial marking. It is his way of weeding out the weak. I knew several people who could not take it. They were no older than you were. They killed themselves because they couldn't deal with the reality of their choice. I believe Dumbledore wants to see if he can turn them to spying instead of suicide." Severus explained.

"I know." Harry whispered.

"Harry?" Severus asked, thinking the worst.

"There was a marking ceremony this summer. I had a vision of it. I wanted to rip my arm off. But the pain didn't last for more than a few hours." Harry said quietly. "I don't know how you survived it Dad."

"It was not pleasant, but I wanted the mark. I wanted the power the Dark Lord could give me. Overall, I wanted revenge on my father, and the Dark Lord was the key to my revenge." Severus said, giving Harry a brief comforting hug.

After the two had composed themselves slightly they left the dungeons to go to the Great Hall for lunch. Severus strode inside in his normal manner, scowl upon his face and robes billowing behind him. Harry walked proudly behind him, maintaining an aristocratic look with his head held high. He was, after all, part of an old pureblood family, and he now had a new life with no history.

While Severus stalked up to the head table, Harry took a seat towards the end of the Slytherin table. Draco sat a few seats away from him, on the other side of the table, and further down the table was a small group of first, second, and third years. Even further down the table there were a few fourth years. All of the upperclassmen, besides Draco, were home for the holidays.

Harry still had a small appetite, made even smaller by the curious stares he was receiving. Slytherin had the least amount of students, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were about even, and there were several Gryffindors which included Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Harry still didn't like how many people there were, even if it was less than a quarter of the normal amount of students. Part way through lunch Draco moved down a few seats so that he was sitting in front of Harry. For a moment he merely watched Harry eat his small portion.

"Draco Malfoy." He said, extending his hand to Harry once he had finished eating.

"Alexander Snape." Harry said, taking the offered hand.

"I had a feeling you were related to Professor Snape. Are you to attend classes at Hogwarts once term starts up again?" Draco asked.

"I am not positive. I may only stay for the holidays, or I might stay longer. It depends." Harry said.

"On what?" Draco asked.

"On several different things." Harry said. Draco, knowing he wasn't going to get a straight answer, changed the subject.

"What is your relation to the professor?" Draco asked.

"He is my father." Harry answered.

"Snape? Your father? You must be mistaken." Draco said.

"No, I am quite sure he is my father." Harry answered, fighting no to laugh at the look of disbelief on Draco's face.

"He's not married. There was never even a rumor of him having children, yet you show up and claim you are his son?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He had an affair. My mother was killed when I was only one. I was sent to live with her relatives as it was not known that he was my father by anyone but himself, my mother and the man I thought was my father. I did not know he was my father until this summer, but he has known he had a son since I was born." Harry answered. He was taking a risk telling a Slytherin about Lily's death and being sent to relatives as it was the truth, but he supposed it wasn't that uncommon during Voldemort's first rising.

"Your mother did not support the Dark Lord?" Draco asked.

"She was quite passionately against him." Harry answered.

"And your feelings on the Dark Lord?" Draco asked.

"If a child could beat him so many times, what hope does he have of taking over the world? I'd rather not take my chances." Harry answered. He was slightly surprised with how easily the half truths and evasive answers came to him, but decided it was his Slytherin side showing through.

"Who were you before you knew you were Alexander Snape?" Draco asked. Luckily Severus chose that moment to make his presence known, appearing behind Harry and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Come, Alexander." He said.

"Yes Father." Harry answered. "Perhaps I will see you another time." Harry told Draco, getting up from the table and following Severus out of the hall.

"And the Sorting Hat didn't put you in Slytherin, why?" Severus asked, raising one eyebrow in question. He had listened to part of Harry and Draco's conversation.

"It said I would do well there." Harry said. "But Hagrid and Ron had told me that Voldemort was in Slytherin, and that the house was full of dark wizards. Keep in mind I had only just learned that my parents were murdered by dark wizards, and I had also met an arrogant Draco Malfoy who knew for a fact he would be in Slytherin. Tell me you would honestly want to go into Slytherin house after all that?" Harry said.

"Point taken. Go feed your cubs, I can hear them scratching at the bedroom door." Severus said.

"Hello Midnight, hello Sangue. You guys hungry?" he asked once he entered his room. He received several annoyed meows from the two cats. Harry quickly summoned a house elf and had him bring up two bowls of raw meat. After they had eaten he led them through a secret passage to a large room. The room he entered was much like the room Firenze had used for Divinations last year, but instead of the forbidden forest it was a replica of the savanna. Here the cubs could exercise and run and play as much as they wanted. Harry usually left the passage open for them to come and go as they pleased as he didn't often bring them outside.

After playing with the cubs for a little while he went back into his room. After a moment he was bored again and decided to wander around the castle. He went through the door that led out into the dungeons so that he could tell Severus he was leaving the rooms. He received a non-committal grunt from his father, who was already hard at work on an experimental potion.

After wandering pointlessly for a while Harry found himself in the library. He browsed through the sections, pulling out a few interesting looking books and sitting down at a nearby table. He had a few hours of quiet before arguing voices shattered the silence. He easily recognized the voices as belonging to Hermione and Ron.

"Oh! Hello there. Are you a new student?" Hermione asked when she entered the library to find Harry sitting there. Harry had to fight not to laugh at his old friend.

"Somewhat." Harry answered.

"I'm Hermione Granger, and this is Ron Weasley. We're the Gryffindor prefects. Have you been sorted?" Hermione asked.

"He was at the Slytherin table at lunch Hermione, sitting by Malfoy." Ron said, obviously not liking him already. Both Harry and Hermione ignored him.

"I'm Alexander, and no, I haven't been sorted. I'm not positive if I will be staying longer than vacation. I'm just visiting my father." Harry said. Now was as good a time as any to find out how they would react to the son of Snape.

"Oh? Who's your father?" Hermione asked.

"Severus Snape." Harry answered. The reaction from the two was comical. Ron's eyes looked about ready to pop out of his head and his mouth was hanging open, and while Hermione was more dignified she was quite speechless.

"Bloody hell, Snape reproduced?" Ron said after a moment. Hermione at least had the sense to slap him upside the head for the rude comment.

"Ron! Be polite! His father is a professor!" Hermione said.

"That seems to be the schools general reaction to the identity of my father." Harry said.

"I apologize Alex…or would you rather be called Alexander?" Hermione asked.

"Alex is fine." Harry answered.

"Well I'm sorry Alex, but we've got to be going now." Hermione said as Ron nearly dragged her away from the table. Harry could hear Ron's shouts of 'But he's a Snape!' as the two left. Dejectedly Harry returned to his room and lay down on his bed. He didn't think his friends would react well to the news of Severus being his father, and he was right.

That night Severus was summoned. Seemed someone had put two and two together when they saw Harry arrive as Alex. Harry was forced to watch his father be tortured through his visions. Severus came up with a satisfactory lie and was sent home with instructions to bring Alexander to Voldemort in one week. Harry was waiting for him at the gate. Severus refused to go to the hospital wing, instead treating both himself and Harry with his own private store of potions.

This is what Severus had been worried about. Having to bring Harry in front of Voldemort. The boy would not be able to hide his identity from the Dark Lord. He and Severus would quickly be imprisoned in the dungeons, tortured, then, if they were lucky, killed. Unless he found a way out of spying, or Harry learned occulmency in a week.

"Harry?" Severus asked, knocking on the door to his sons bedroom.

"Come in." Harry said.

"You know that the Dark Lord wishes to see you, correct?" Severus asked. Harry nodded yes. "I would much rather you not go in front of the Dark Lord at all, but I have yet to come up with an excuse to keep you from him. The Dark Lord will easily be able to tell you are lying." Severus said.

"How can I survive it?" Harry asked.

"I would like to teach you occulmency again. We only have a week so we would have to work fast." Severus said.

"I can at least try." Harry said quietly. He didn't like the idea of reliving those memories again, but he trusted his father not to push him as he had done before.

"We can start this afternoon if it is all right with you." Severus said. Harry agreed, and after chatting with Draco at lunch Harry met Severus in their sitting room. The furniture had been moved to make a large open area to practice in, and a charm cast over the floor to make it softer.

"Legilimens." Severus said calmly once Harry had pulled his wand. Harry barely put up a struggle and Severus entered his mind, but pulled out immediately. After five more weak struggles Harry lay panting on the floor.

"How are you envisioning your defenses?" Severus asked.

"I'm not sure. Like a wall I guess, to keep him out." Harry answered.

"That's why it isn't working. Your mind is continuously growing, it can't be walled in. Envision something that can expand as your mind does. Something that ties to you personally usually works the best." Severus answered. Harry had a thoughtful look on his face. What could he use?

"What do you use Father?" Harry asked. It seemed 'Father' had replaced 'Severus' in Harry's vocabulary. Severus was still able to tell Harry's mood by the title he used though. 'Father' was when he was comfortable, normal. 'Severus' was when he was nervous, and 'Sir' when he was scared. 'Dad' was when he was extremely emotional, such as after a nightmare.

"Shadows and darkness. I can hide in the shadows and sneak up on those who are not familiar with my mind." Severus answered. Harry couldn't help but smile, it fit him perfectly. He was secretive by nature, and perfectly content to hide in the shadows unnoticed.

"Why don't you spend the night trying to think of your defense? It will be better if it is thought out." Severus said.

"Thank you." Harry said. With a wave of Severus' wand the sitting room was back to normal and Harry plopped down onto the sofa to think.


	20. Training

It was late at night and Harry was still trying to think up a suitable defense for his mind. He sat on his bed with his back leaning against the headboard. He had pulled his knees up to his chest as it had become a habit for him. Sangue lay at his side, Midnight by his feet. Harry absentmindedly stroked Sangue as he thought.

What would suit Harry like shadows fit Severus? Harry felt he was having an unusually hard time with this. He had already ruled out a defense like his father's, he was not like that. He had tried thinking of things like darkness, things such as fire and water, spirit and earth, but couldn't think of a way they could pertain to him. Finally he thought of what he loved the most. The answer was easy – flying. Perhaps air? But no, air was transparent and didn't make a good place to hide. Stupid idea. What about fog? But fog didn't really have anything to do with flying…

Harry reached up to rub his scar, a bit of a nervous habit, and finally the answer hit him. A thunder storm, like the storm that had happened in third year during the quidditch match. A storm because it was in the air and he had flown through one before. A storm because he was often like that now, a confusing maelstrom of emotions. The darkness and the storm clouds would hide him. The lightning – the symbol he bore upon his forehead – would make it easier for him to spot his enemy. The thunder would be confusing to those who didn't know it well, to those who weren't used to mayhem.

Smiling slightly Harry shooed the now quite large panthers off his bed so he could get under the covers. Sangue immediately jumped back up while Midnight was content to curl up on a fleece blanket Harry had given to him as a bed. With a small smile on his face Harry finally drifted off to sleep.

In the morning Harry was allowed to do as he pleased. He had breakfast with Draco then went to the library where he ran into Hermione. Harry didn't really know why he had gone to the library, as last year he wouldn't be caught dead in the library during vacation. Harry supposed he liked the quiet solitude. He had, after all, changed a lot since last year.

After lunch he began his training with Severus again. Severus gave him a few moments to gather his thoughts and build up his defense before casting the spell. He immediately gained entry to Harry's mind, but this time he didn't pull out. Harry sunk to the floor as memories of summers past washed over him. Severus quickly broke the spell and kneeled beside Harry.

"I'm sorry Son, but you must learn to push me out. You need to push me out to be able to keep the Dark Lord from completely ransacking your mind. If I break the spell as soon as I enter your mind, you will learn nothing." Severus said. Harry nodded and stood resolutely, slightly more prepared this time.

"Ready?" Severus asked. Harry nodded. "_Legilimens_." Severus said. Again, entrance was instantaneous, but this time the memories were slightly distorted as Harry tried his hardest to push him out. After a minute of struggling Severus broke the spell.

"Again. _Legilimens_." Severus said, giving Harry only a brief moment to gather his thoughts. The memories were even more faded and distorted this time, but he was still able to remain within Harry's mind. Again, after a minute he broke the spell.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Fine." Harry answered.

"If you say so. _Legilimens._" This time it was almost as if Severus were watching the memories through a thick, dark fog. Just as he was about to pull out, he felt Harry gather the last of his strength and forcefully push him out of his mind.

"Good. Is your defense some sort of cloud or fog?" Severus asked.

"A thunder storm. Like the one I flew in during third year. When the Dementors came." Harry said quietly.

"Good idea. Ready for another try?" Severus asked.

"Yes." Harry said. Again Severus was able to catch glimpses of memories through a dark fog – what he now knew to be storm clouds. By supper time both Harry and Severus were thoroughly exhausted. They had made a bit of progress – Harry could now shield his memories upon entrance to his mind, but glimpses of the memories were still visible through the clouds.

"Father, how does the defense work if I'm really just pushing you out? I mean, besides shielding my memories. Wouldn't Voldemort know I'm using occulmency if he finds himself in the middle of a storm?" Harry asked.

"It will become more essential later, once you are able to keep people from penetrating at all. When dealing with the Dark Lord, you need to draw him into the storm without letting him know it is not really your mind, and feed him the images and emotions he wants to see." Severus stated.

"I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that in a week." Harry said quietly.

"We can only hope that you are able to." Severus said. "I'm working on a potion that will help you guard your secrets. I often use it alongside occulmency to guard the secrets of the order. It's almost like reverse Veritiserum."

Severus allowed Harry to have the rest of the evening to himself, but placed a monitoring spell on him when his back was turned. He felt slightly guilty for betraying Harry's trust like that, but didn't want him harming himself because of the memories brought up.

The next day the process was repeated, and Harry made much progress. He could now completely hide his memories, but only for a certain length of time. He usually weakened after a few minutes, the memories bleeding through.

"I'm going to begin searching for certain things, Harry. I will stay away from the past summer if you wish. You need to figure out what I am looking for and feed me whatever emotions or feelings that might be." Severus said.

"How do I do that?" Harry asked.

"It's hard to explain. After time you are able to discern a persons' intention. Feeding them memories is easy. I suggest you lower your wards just slightly so that I am able to fish out memories, just for now." Severus answered.

"All right. I'm ready." Harry said. Severus cast the spell and memories began to surface. The first one was of Harry and Ron crashing into the Whomping Willow second year. Next a severe nervousness flooded his mind – when he was sitting in Severus' office awaiting punishment. It went through a few classes from second year, including many moments of Lockheart's stupidity.

Harry quickly figured out that he was looking for memories of second year and began showing him other things. He showed Hermione brewing the polyjuice potion in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Next he showed him the potions class where they threw a firework into Crabbe's potion, causing it to explode. He clearly showed that Hermione was the one to steal the potion ingredients. The last memory he showed was the three of them drinking the polyjuice potion and sneaking into the Slytherin common room. Just as Hermione exited her stall as a cat hybrid, Severus broke the spell.

"So it wasn't you that stole the potions. And Polyjuice potion, my, my." Severus said.

"Umm…you aren't going to punish Hermione for any of that, are you?" Harry asked

"I think five points from Gryffindor will suffice." Severus said. Harry glared at him.

"If I had known you would take points for things that happened four years ago I would have shown you something else." Harry said. Smiling slightly, Severus cast Legilimens again. The first memory was of Harry under the invisibility cloak late at night. Immediately Harry knew he was looking for more rule-breaking. Deciding to give him what he wanted, he quickly chose several different moments.

First was Harry, Hermione, and Ron watching baby Norbert, Hagrid's dragon, hatch. Next was the three of them bringing him to a tower to be taken away, and the following punishment. After that he skipped to when they were leaving Gryffindor tower and they cast the full-body bind on Neville. Next he showed the three Weasley boys floating in front of his window that summer. Severus broke the spell at this point.

"There were bars on your window?" Severus asked.

"They didn't want me going back to school. They thought they could still squash the magic out of me." Harry answered.

"Fool idiots. A mere muggle couldn't take away a wizard's power. It's impossible. A wizards magic is tied to their very life. Are you getting it yet?" Severus asked, switching topics as he noticed Harry getting slightly uncomfortable.

"I think so. It was easy to tell you were looking for rule-breaking, but part of it might have been because we were talking about it before."

"Let's try again with your defenses up a little more." Severus said. "Ready?" Harry nodded. This time when Severus entered Harry's mind the memories were once more seen as if through a dark fog, and they were slightly choppy as well. Thunder covered most of the words. Immediately the memory of Harry's first flying lesson came to the front of his mind. Thinking quickly, Harry began feeding Severus images of past quidditch games.

"Good, that was fast. Let's try again." Severus said, entering Harry's mind again. Finally when Harry could barely keep his defenses up Severus allowed him to go to sleep. The next day they were back at it. Harry had three days to learn how to immediately recognize what someone wanted and give it to them before he would have to go before Voldemort. Soon he had the concept pretty well down. As an extra bonus he learned how to better hide his emotions because of the training.

"You are sure you're up to this?" Severus asked the day before they were to attend a meeting.

"I have to." Harry answered. "I'm your son, and I don't want you to have to sever ties with me because I can't stand a Death Eater meeting." Harry said quietly. Severus sighed.

"It will most likely be a torture session that we attend. They capture muggles every so often for fun. You might be made to participate." Severus said. Harry shuddered slightly.

"I can take it." Harry said.

"Voldemort will most likely only search for feelings of loyalty and a commitment to 'the cause,' so you must give him fake feelings. Can you do that?" Severus asked.

"Yes, I believe so." Harry said.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Always treat him with respect, call him sir, or preferably My Lord or Master. Don't speak unless spoken to, and don't make eye contact unless necessary." Severus instructed as Harry got ready for the meeting. Harry was wearing black robes much like Severus' Death Eater robes. He was still in his natural form. His hair was pulled back into a silver clasp with the Snape crest on it, a snake wrapped around a potion vial, though it wasn't visible because of the hood. Harry had moved his scar to his shoulder as he wasn't able to remove it, just move it.

After a few moments Severus clutched his arm. He quickly flooed the headmaster to tell him that he had been summoned and led Harry down to the gates, putting on his white Death Eater mask. He grabbed Harry's upper arm before apparating away to the meeting place.

When they appeared in the circle of Death Eaters Severus quickly walked to his place in the circle, Harry right behind him. Harry stood in front of Snape as he had been instructed and waited silently for Voldemort to make his appearance. They seemed to be in a dungeon of sorts, though it was quite large. Harry noticed he was not the only one standing in front of a Death Eater. There were several others, not all of them children.

"New recruits." Severus whispered to Harry. Looking around Harry recognized one or two of them. Pansy Parkinson and Crabbe and Goyle were all standing in front of what Harry believed to be their parents. The rest he didn't recognize

They did not have to wait long for Voldemort to arrive. He swept into the circle as soon as the last Death Eater had taken his place. He began going around the circle, looking at all the new recruits. Harry noticed he was looking directly into their eyes, obviously checking for wannabe-spies and disloyalty, and speaking to each pair. Harry flinched slightly as Voldemort pulled out his wand and killed a young man opposite from Harry in the circle.

"You've brought me a spy, Smith. Should I be worried about your loyalties as well?" Voldemort hissed cruelly.

"No, My Lord, I did not know. Please forgive me." Smith said, bowing his head.

"Crucio." Voldemort hissed. The screams were awful. Thankfully they only lasted a moment. "Do not give me more reasons to question your loyalties." Voldemort said before continuing to go around the circle.

"Ah yes, your long lost son, Severus. I am curious, is the boy as talented in potions as you yourself?" Voldemort asked.

"He is not hopeless. I have been tutoring him, and hopefully in time he will be as skillful as the Snape name demands him to be." Severus said cooly.

"Would you like to brew new poisons for me, boy? Would you like to discover new ways to torture the filth that inhabits this planet with your skills?" Voldemort asked.

"Yes, My Lord." Harry said, trying his hardest to keep his voice steady.

"Look me in the eyes when you speak, boy." Voldemort snapped. Harry looked him in the eye, quickly masking his feelings of disgust and the slight pain in his scar. Luckily Voldemort moved on, and Harry and Snape breathed a sigh of relief.

"Welcome back, my loyal Death Eaters, and welcome those who are new. Hopefully in time you shall join the ranks." Voldemort greeted the circle of people as he finished checking all the new recruits. "Today I have an early Christmas present for you all. Bring in the prisoners!" Voldemort commanded. Four death eaters entered the room, leading six muggles behind them. They were mostly women in their twenties, though there was one man who looked to be the same age as most of the women.

"Have fun, my loyal followers." Voldemort said, moving to sit on his throne and watch the 'fun.' Several of the Death Eaters moved forward and began to curse the prisoners. All sorts of torture was going on around Harry. Most of the new recruits stayed off to the side, occasionally sending a curse or two. Harry stayed beside Severus, watching in masked horror as the prisoners were brutally tortured. He quickly turned away from the sight of one of the young women being raped. After awhile Severus pulled two potions out of a pocket in his cloak, handing one to Harry.

"Feed this to one of the prisoners." Severus said quietly. He moved over to a group of Death eaters who were surrounding the man and one of the women. Harry followed. Roughly Severus pulled the woman's mouth open, pouring the potion inside and pinching her nose so she could not breath unless she swallowed. Quickly Harry followed his example on the male prisoner. He closed his eyes tightly as the screams began, glad that his hood obscured his face. Severus placed a hand on his shoulder and led him away once the screams had subsided.

"Master," Severus said, approaching Voldemort and kneeling. Harry kneeled beside and slightly behind his father. "If it is alright with My Lord, I would like to return to Hogwarts with my son. You know this is not my favorite pastime, and the old fool may get suspicious of my son if we are absent too long." Severus said.

"Of course Severus. You may report what you know at the next meeting. You are dismissed."

"Thank you, My Lord." Severus said, standing and backing away, Harry once more following his example. Quickly Severus gripped his arm again and apparated them both out of there. Once back outside the gates of Hogwarts Harry collapsed to his knees, retching. Severus gathered him in his arms when he was finished being sick, and hugged him tightly before helping him back to the castle.

"I'm sorry you had to do that, but he was watching. You did well son, you did perfectly." Severus said once they were back inside their quarters. Harry sniffed slightly and Severus embraced him again, offering comfort.

"They raped her." Harry whispered. Severus rubbed Harry's back soothingly as he summoned a potion.

"It's dreamless sleep potion." Severus said, holding out the vial. Harry gratefully downed it, just making it to his bed before the potion took effect. As always Severus placed monitoring charms over his son just incase.


	21. Discoveries

Despite the dreamless sleep potion, Harry woke screaming in the early hours of the morning. He turned and found his father there to comfort him and promptly crumpled into his embrace. He couldn't get the image of the woman being raped out of his mind. He knew how she must have felt, to have her innocence so brutally ripped from her. He remembered how he himself had felt.

"Here Alex." Severus said, holding out a potion.

"What is it?" Harry asked, not really registering the Severus had called him Alex. He hadn't been given a potion this color before.

"It a calming potion mixed with a sleeping draught. I can't give you more dreamless sleep tonight." He said. Harry nodded and took the potion, immediately feeling calmer. After a few moments he was back asleep. Severus sighed and left the room. That meeting was not what Harry had needed.

Harry slept through the rest of the night and into late morning. When he woke, however, it was once again to nightmares, though thankfully they weren't accompanied by screaming. Harry turned on his side, curling up into a ball as the memories of his own rape washed over him. Shuddering he leapt out of bed, blindly searching for some sharp object to cut himself with. He needed that release of pain badly. After several minutes of frantic searching the panic began to set in, and the silent alarms that accompanied the monitoring charms Severus had cast went off.

"Harry!" Severus shouted, quickly running over to where Harry was throwing things out of his trunk in his still frantic searching. Severus quickly kneeled beside him, pulling the panicking boy into his arms, keeping Harry's own limbs trapped so as to stop the destruction of the room. Harry whimpered and tried to break free, so far into the panic attack that he couldn't register that it was his father holding him, not someone who wanted to hurt him.

"No! No, please don't! Let me go! I'm sorry! I'll be good, please let me go!" Harry shouted, struggling against the arms holding him.

"Alex, please calm down. It's Severus. No one here is going to hurt you." Severus said, wishing he could summon a calming draught but knowing something might happen if he let go of the child he held in his arms.

"Severus?" a voice from the doorway asked. Severus looked up sharply and Harry began whimpering, still struggling slightly.

"Fetch a calming draught quickly. He's having a panic attack." Severus ordered the intruder.

"Here Severus." The other person said, coming back with the correct potion. He began to move toward the two on the floor, but Harry began to struggle more, whimpering as he tried to get away from what he saw as a threat.

"Levitate it over, Draco." Severus said, and the blonde obeyed. Severus placed the vial against Harry's lips, tipping the liquid into his mouth.

"You need to swallow the potion Alex. I promise no one here will hurt you." Severus said. After a moment Harry swallowed and his struggles soon ceased as the potion took effect.

"Father?" he asked weakly.

"You had a panic attack." Severus answered, and Harry slumped into his arms. He jumped slightly as he noticed Draco for the first time since regaining his senses. The blonde was giving him a calculating look, and Harry looked down, ashamed.

"May I ask what happened? I came to visit you and I heard someone shouting 'let me go.'" Draco said. Severus looked to Harry and after a moment he nodded, giving silent permission to tell what was wrong.

"Why don't we move to the sitting room?" Severus asked. The two younger wizards complied and they all settled down in the sitting room. Severus summoned some tea before speaking.

"Alex, as you know is my son. Draco is my godson, Alex." Severus began. "Because of certain circumstances, I was not allowed to claim Alex as my own when he was a child. Both of you know where my loyalties lie, and I assure you we are all three on the same side." Severus directed this comment mostly to Draco. Severus paused for a moment, sighing.

"Alex was sent to live with relatives of his mother when she died. Unfortunately they were abusive. I found this out just this summer when the abuse reached its peak. I immediately removed Alex from their care, but there was lasting psychological effects. One of the effects of the abuse was the panic attack you saw, as well as an aversion to others touching him." Severus explained. Draco just sat stunned.

"Abusive?" Draco asked finally. Alex nodded.

"They were muggles, so I wasn't subjected to anything like the cruciatus curse, but at times it felt almost as bad." Harry said in a voice barely above a whisper. His knees were once again pulled up to his chest.

"You know what the cruciatus feels like?" Draco asked, slightly offensively. Harry had the feeling that Draco had been under the curse as well. Harry nodded, staring at the ground.

"What caused the panic attack Alex?" Severus asked after a moment of silence.

"The . . . the woman last night . . . who . . . she . . . and the one who . . . I remembered when he . . ." Harry trailed off, realizing he was making no sense whatever and trying to fight the tears that were gathering in his eyes. Severus knew what he meant, however, and pulled him into a gentle embrace.

"I don't remember your memories causing panic attack before . . ." Severus said in thought.

"You took away my kn-" Harry cut off when he remembered Draco was listening. Severus frowned slightly.

"You need to learn to overcome it. I'm sorry. Next time ask for a potion." Severus said kindly. "Now I believe you came here for a reason Draco?" Severus asked.

"I haven't visited in a while, and it's almost Christmas." Draco said. "Plus it's bloody cold in the dormitories." Harry smiled sightly at the last comment. It was awfully cold in the dungeons during winter.

The three chatted comfortably for a few hours. Harry loved the sense of family that filled the room. Draco had easily accepted 'Alex.' Harry just hated to think what would happen if he found out Alex was actually Harry. Harry stayed curled up on the sofa, listening to the two Slytherins discussing potions, a subject both were passionate about, though Severus to a much higher degree than Draco. Harry added in a comment here and there, as he was getting better in potions, but otherwise just enjoyed the companionship. Draco left a bit before lunch time.

"I feel bad lying to him." Harry said.

"You could tell him the truth if you wish." Severus said.

"But what if he's angry?" Harry asked.

"I'm sure he - " Severus cut off quickly, grabbing his arm.

"Be careful." Harry said, knowing what was wrong as he had experienced a shoot of pain through his scar.

"Of course." Severus said, throwing on the black Death Eater robes he had summoned. He slipped the mask into his pocket and embraced Alex.

"Tell Dumbledore I was summoned." Severus said.

"I'm worried Father. Something doesn't feel right. He never summons you in the middle of the day. Please, promise you won't do anything to get yourself hurt." Harry said.

"I have an emergency portkey. I must leave now so I am not late." Severus said. Harry nodded and Severus rushed out of the castle and to the apparition point. After a moment Harry collected himself and flooed Dumbledore to tell him Severus had been summoned.

"Was Severus summoned?" A voice from the doorway asked. Harry jumped slightly, not having heard Draco return.

"Yes." Harry said.

"Why do you look like someone died? He's done this a million times before." Draco said.

"You can honestly stand there and say you aren't worried about him going in front of Voldemort?" Harry said.

"No." Draco sighed, sitting beside Harry on the sofa.

"Something doesn't feel right." Harry said.

"Try not to dwell on it." Draco said, moving to pat Harry's arm in reassurance. Harry flinched away from the touch, however, and Draco quickly withdrew his hand.

"Sorry." Harry whispered.

"The abuse was that bad?" Draco asked. Harry nodded. Draco stood up, going to a cabinet and pulling out a bottle of rum.

"You want some?" Draco asked, pouring himself a bit of the dark liquid.

"No." Harry said. He was going to say something about Draco raiding Severus' liquor stores but was distracted by a sharp pain in his scar. "Not now!" he whispered to himself.

"What was that?" Draco asked.

"I've got to go." Harry said, jumping up and rushing to his room, the pain in his scar building. He fell onto his bed, clutching at his forehead.

"Alex?" Draco asked, having followed Harry. Harry cracked an eye open to look at him, but soon shut it as a fresh wave of pain washed over him. He felt the bed beside him dip and he flinched away from the presence. It was Draco, but in his current state he couldn't differentiate. He screamed as his hands were pried away from his forehead.

"Potter!" Draco exclaimed, catching sight of the inflamed lightning bolt scar, dropping Harry's hands quickly. Harry whimpered slightly as the pain receded.

"Are you alright?" Draco asked after a moment. Harry shook his head slightly, not moving anything else, regretting even that small movement. Draco tried to touch his forehead but Harry flinched away.

"Alex?" Draco asked

"Yes."

"Harry Potter?"

"Yes." Harry said.

"Why?" Draco asked. "What are you doing here? Why are you posing as Severus' son? Isn't that more dangerous, for both of you?" Draco asked. Harry flinched at the sound of anger in his voice.

"Severus is my biological father, Lily Evans my mother. Only Mum, Dad, and James knew I wasn't really a Potter, and now a few teachers." Harry said in a whisper. Draco sighed slightly.

"What just happened?" Draco asked.

"Something made Voldemort mad." Harry said."You aren't mad at me?" Harry asked.

"A little, and pretty confused. If this would have happened last year, you probably would have been hexed to oblivion by now." Draco said. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"A headache potion would be nice." Harry said.

"Alright." Draco said, fetching a potion.

"The meeting is over, we should go make sure Father is alright." Harry said. As he was getting up Sangue and Midnight decided to make themselves known. Draco backed away slightly as Sangue growled.

"Stop it Sangue, he's a friend." Harry said.

"Panther cubs?" Draco asked.

"Twins. The one with golden eyes is Sangue, the one with silver eyes is Midnight." Harry said. The two headed out of the dungeons, Sangue and Midnight on their heels. When they got outside Sangue tensed before rushing off to the forbidden forest. Midnight tugged on Harry's robes before following his brother, but at a slower pace.

"This way, they've picked up on something." Harry said, following them quickly. They were led deep into the forest, to the edge of the wards.

"Al - Pot - whatever, if we go much farther we'll leave the wards." Draco said.

"Just call me Alex, and they won't lead me into danger, I'm their master." Harry said.

"If you say so." Draco said, continuing on. In the next clearing the cubs had stopped and were standing protectively around something. Harry quickly realized it was Severus, laying sprawled on the ground.

"Father!" Harry shouted, running toward him, Draco on his heels. The two boys fell down beside Severus, Harry frantically searching for a pulse. It was there, but weak and irregular.

"We have to get him back to the school." Harry said. Draco nodded and conjured a stretcher, and Harry lifted him onto it. Sangue ran ahead to the school and Midnight led them back through the forest. When they reached the castle Dumbledore was at the doorway, a hand resting on Sangue's head.

"Madame Pomfrey is waiting." Dumbledore said, following them to the hospital wing as they ran on ahead with the stretcher floating behind them.


	22. More Bad Reactions

"How bad is it?" Harry asked shakily, dreading the answer. Dumbledore and Draco stood with him, awaiting Madame Pomfrey's news about Severus' condition.

"He's alive, but barely." Madame Pomfrey said sadly. "He's still unconscious. He was tortured a long time, most likely from the moment he arrived at the meeting. Several different pain curses were used, but as far as I can tell he wasn't under it long enough to cause any brain damage. I believe You-Know-Who may have found out about Severus' loyalties, as the torture came close to killing him. I'm afraid he may not wake for quite some time, if ever. He . . . he may not make it. If he lives over night he should be fine though." Madame Pomfrey choked out.

"No." Harry whispered, tears glistening in his eyes. Millions of thoughts ran through his mind, confusing him. Many of them placed the blame on Harry. What if Voldemort had gotten through his defenses at the meeting and found out he was Harry? What if this was all his fault? Another person he loved dead. As the first tear fell Harry turned and bolted.

"Please follow him, Mr. Malfoy. I'm afraid of what he might do." Professor Dumbledore said. Draco nodded and ran after Harry.

"There was a note on him, addressed to Mr. Potter." Madame Pomfrey said, holding it out. "I'll do my best to see he makes it."

"I'm sure you will Poppy, thank you."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Draco tracked Harry's path back down to the dungeons and Severus' rooms. All the drawers in the kitchen had been rummaged through, knives littered the floor. Harry was in his room, searching through his trunk. He was mumbling something that sounded like 'My Fault.' over and over. Draco thought it might be another panic attack. He summoned a calming drought, but Harry ran out through a hidden door before Draco got close.

After losing track of Harry twice, Draco decided to use a tracking charm. It led him to a disused room near the potion lab in the dungeons. When he entered it was dark, not a single candle to light the room. He could hear the sound of soft sobs and mumbled words coming from somewhere in the back corner of the room. Whispering the light spell he held his wand high, it's beams finally falling on the form of Harry, huddled in the corner.

"Alex?" he said quietly, carefully approaching him.

"My fault. All my fault. They all die. My fault. Why do they have to die? Why can't I save them? All die, all my fault." Harry babbled softly. As Draco neared Harry, something crunched under his feet. It was glass, a broken vial. A large piece was missing. He found it in Harry's hands, along with something he never wanted to see. Several deep, jagged gashes spilled crimson liquid onto Harry, soaking his clothing and pooling on the floor.

"Alex? Can you stand up? I need to get you to the hospital wing." Draco said, carefully placing a hand on Harry's shoulder, waiting for him to stop flinching.

"Why do they all die? My fault. My fault, all mine. They die, they always die. My fault, mine, why do they all die?" Harry continued to babble, tears falling down his face, blood running down his arms. Draco sighed and conjured a stretcher like he had done for Severus, magicking Harry onto it and rushing to the hospital wing.

"Madame Pomfrey!" he shouted.

"Merlin, what happened!" she exclaimed, coming out of Severus' private room.

"I think he had a panic attack of sorts." Draco said.

"Why can't I save them?" Harry whispered. The tone of his voice nearly broke the hearts of all who heard it.

"I was afraid this would happen." Dumbledore sighed.

"Albus, he has the same scars as Mr. Potter does. And I know for a fact Severus has been taking care of Mr. Potter since this summer. What is going on here?" Madame Pomfrey asked after she had closed Harry's wounds

"It's alright professor, I found out already." Draco said when Dumbledore hesitated.

"Alexander Snape and Harry Potter are one in the same, I'm afraid. I apologize for keeping you in the dark, Poppy, but the fewer who know, the better it is for the both of them."Dumbledore said. Madame Pomfrey nodded and returned to treating Harry. Harry's babbling stopped as he fell unconscious and the hospital wing was left in an eerie silence.

"The blood loss should keep him unconscious for a couple days, another minute and he would have bled to death, or suffered major brain damage. He will probably be anemic and have to rest for several days until his red cell count is up." Madame Pomfrey said. Dumbledore nodded gravely. "Also I'm afraid the piece of glass he used had potion residue on it. I don't know what potion it is, I think it may have been one of Severus' experiments. I have no idea how this will effect him, and until Severus is awake, no one can heal him." Madame Pomfrey said, fear seeping into her voice.

"Then we shall have to pray that nothing irreversible will happen before our potion master is back. We should move him into the teacher's ward so it is easier for you to tend to both him and Severus." Dumbledore said. Poppy nodded and levitated Harry's limp form into the private room usually reserved for teachers.

"Go back to your dormitory Mr. Malfoy, everything is under control here, and I doubt either of them will be waking any time soon." Draco nodded and left the ward. Dumbledore took one last look at the bodies of two of his favorite boys before leaving as well, letting Madame Pomfrey work uninhibited.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Harry woke near midnight two nights after the incident had occurred, but he remained unresponsive. He lay in bed staring unblinkingly at the ceiling, or at a spot on the wall when he was propped up. He slept a lot, a sign of the anemia, but ate very little. Madame Pomfrey had resorted to force-feeding him nutrient potions. They believed it was the effect of the potion

Severus' condition declined sharply on the second day, and Madame Pomfrey had called in a healer that was an expert on torture victims. Together they fought for his life. Eventually his condition stabled and the healer left with no knowledge he had ever been to Hogwarts that week. Perhaps Voldemort would think Severus had died. Then again, he could probably sense him through the Dark Mark.

Christmas passed by unnoticed, Severus still unconscious and Harry fighting his inner demons and the potion in whatever trance it was he had fallen into. The new scars on Harry's arms stood out darkly against the old white ones and the few pink ones that had once been the deepest cuts. You could barely find a square inch of skin on his arms that wasn't scarred.

There was a thick pink scar that ran from his left wrist to his left elbow, the attempt at suicide shortly before Christmas break. Several large white scars marred his wrists, his first suicide attempt. A thin white scar ran across his throat, the second suicide attempt. Thirteen new, jagged, red scars ran horizontally across both arms, randomly placed, the result of his latest decline into cutting. It wasn't positive if Harry had tried suicide this time or had just needed to cut. Underneath these scars were hundreds of small white ones of all shapes and sizes and ages.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Harry, this note was attached to Severus' robes, addressed to you. There is a spell on it so that only you may open it." Dumbledore said. It had been another five days since Harry woke up, and he was slowly becoming more responsive to his surroundings, especially since the cubs had found their way to him. Slowly he reached out and took the note, opening it painstakingly slowly. Carefully he read the short sentence it contained.

_Potter,_

_Consider my life-debt payed._

"Wormtail." Harry whispered. Midnight nudged his hand lightly and he absentmindedly stroked the panther's soft fur.

"Can you elaborate Harry?" Dumbledore asked after reading the note.

"I stopped Sirius and Professor Lupin from killing him third year. He owed me a life-debt. How did he know Father meant so much to me?" Harry asked.

"That would be the life-debt Harry. Because it is a binding, the wizard that is in debt is compelled to do what they can for the one they are indebted to. The bond let him know that saving your father would pay off his debt, so he did it." Dumbledore said. Harry nodded but didn't say anything else. In fact, today was the most he had spoken since Severus was injured. Poppy soon swooped over with a potion for Harry that made him fall asleep.

Most of the effects of the potion on the vial had been non-life threatening. Harry was extremely weak and tired most of the time, as something was keeping his red blood cell count and his iron down, making him anemic. He would slip in and out of trance-like states. One minute he would be fully lucid and the next he would be staring unblinkingly over your shoulder for hours on end.

"How is Severus, Poppy?" Dumbledore asked.

"His condition is improving. I'm still not positive when he will wake, but I am pretty sure he will wake within the next three weeks. His body was severely damaged, but we believe there was no brain damage." She said. Dumbledore nodded.

Harry seemed to be taking things a bit better than his initial reaction. When he was lucid he would sit beside his father's bed. Sometimes he was joined by Draco, and the two boys were steadily building a relationship. Only once had Madame Pomfrey had to stop Harry from harming himself, but that one time was horrible enough that she wished to never repeat it again. At first she had tried restraining him as she couldn't keep him away from sharp objects, but the restraints had made it worse. All they did was remind him of being chained to the bed at Privet Drive, and he had quickly gone into a severe panic attack. Finally Madame Pomfrey had forced a powerful sedative down his throat and he had calmed.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"How are they doing, Poppy?" Dumbledore asked. The holidays would be ending soon, and it had been two weeks since Severus was brought in.

"Harry's been unresponsive since yesterday, fallen into another trance. I have no idea what that potion was supposed to be, it has the strangest effects I've ever seen. Severus is recovering nicely but is still unconscious." Madame Pomfrey said as she bustled about, forcing potions down both wizards throats. Dumbledore nodded and left Madame Pomfrey to her business. She was just finishing up when Draco slipped into the private room. He had been visiting often.

"Harry's still unresponsive, Severus' condition is unchanged." Madame Pomfrey answered the unasked question.

"Okay." Draco said, going to sit beside his godfather anyway. He had brought his schoolwork and spread it out on the bed next to Severus and set to work. He was disturbed an hour or so later when the bed beside him shifted, causing him to jump. He quickly realized it was just Harry.

"Alex?" Draco asked. Harry just sat there, staring at his father laying as if dead on the next bed. Draco waved his hand in front of Harry's face, hoping for a reaction, wondering if he was still in a trance.

"It's my fault you know." Harry whispered so softly Draco had to lean closer to catch it.

"It's not your fault Alex. Anything could have happened." Draco said.

"What if I'm that anything?" Harry asked. "He's going to hate me now. I don't want to lose my father again Draco." Harry said softly. Draco couldn't help reaching out to comfort Harry, but quickly withdrew when the dark-haired boy flinched violently.

"Sorry." Harry whispered, moving to sit in the chair beside Severus' bed.

Another hour later Draco was nearly asleep on his textbook and Harry was back in bed, unresponsive again. His arms rested on top of the blanket and Draco tried not to shy away from the sight of the new, angry red scars marring his arms and the lifeless green eyes staring at the ceiling. As he studied the marks he didn't notice black eyes blink open on the other bed, but he certainly noticed when Severus began to shift around slightly.

"Severus!" Draco shouted, rushing over to him, his shout attracting Madame Pomfrey's attention. She repeated Draco's actions and quickly set to examining Severus.

"How are you feeling Severus?" Madame Pomfrey asked once she had done the basic scans.

"Like I was nearly tortured to death." He sneered.

"Good old Severus." Madame Pomfrey said, chuckling slightly. It was then that Severus noticed the form in the next bed.

"Alex? Merlin, what happened?" Severus said, jumping out of bed, immediately regretting the action but stumbling to Harry's bed despite the pain.

"Severus! You should be in bed!" Madame Pomfrey scolded.

"What happened to my son?" Severus snarled. Madame Pomfrey looked properly cowed. Draco was the one who spoke up.

"His cubs led us to you in the forest. Once we got back and he learned you might die, he panicked and ran off. He blamed himself, when I found him he was muttering about death and it being his fault. He had cut his arms several times with a shard of glass." Draco said.

"Why is he not responding?" Severus asked, a hint of desperation in his voice "He's not brain-damaged, is he?" he asked sadly.

"No Severus, Draco got him back here in time. The wounds were not as deep as some of the others. He's unresponsive because he cut himself with a shard of glass from a potion vial. There was potion residue on it, and it got into his bloodstream. I don't know what it is, I believe it was an old experiment of yours." Madame Pomfrey said.

"Where is the rest of the vial?" Severus demanded.

"No Severus, you need to be fully healed. Harry will be alright, so far the only effects have been the unresponsiveness, which comes and goes, and his bone marrow hasn't recuperated the blood loss yet, making him anemic." Madame Pomfrey said. Snape scowled but complied - his body ached all over from just moving the few steps to Harry's bed. He knew he wouldn't be getting his hands on that vial without Madame Pomfrey's consent anyway.

"Severus, my boy, so good to see you awake finally."

"Hello Albus." Severus said, slightly disgruntled.

"What happened, child?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

"He found out. I don't have any idea how I got out of there, so don't ask. I don't even know how I'm still alive." Severus said.

"You would be alive courtesy of Peter Pettigrew and your son. It seems Wormtail owed your son a life-debt. He repaid it by saving your life, sending you to the forbidden forest. Midnight and Sangue led Alex and Draco to you, and they promptly brought you to the hospital wing." Dumbledore said.

"I will figure out what is wrong with Alex as soon as Pomfrey lets me out." Severus said, anger in his voice at not being allowed to help ASAP.

"I have no doubt you will." Dumbledore said. "I will leave you to rest now. I believe Poppy will want you to take several potions and I shall merely be in the way. Good day, Severus." Dumbledore said, leaving the room. Severus sighed as Madame Pomfrey did indeed force him to drink several potions that had him asleep in five seconds flat.


	23. Choices

Severus sighed as he sat at his son's bedside. He gently carded his hand through the unresponsive child's raven hair. This was Harry's longest 'fit' yet, according to Poppy. Harry had been staring unseeingly at the ceiling for three days now. Severus was being released today, almost back to perfect health. A few lingering aches and pains were all that was left of the night he almost died, as well as a small, constant burn from his Dark Mark. Dumbledore had done his best to block Voldemort from being able to send Severus pain through the mark, but a small bit still leaked through.

"Perhaps we should rename you the Boy-Who-Lived-In-The-Infirmary. Certainly suits you. But you never lived, did you son?" Severus said, more to himself than his son. "Maybe it should be the Boy-Who-Existed. That's certainly all you're doing now." Severus said sadly. He sat by Harry's bedside for several more moments before noticing a small change in the glazed green eyes. This was soon followed by a confused blink and a groan.

"That's it Alex, wake up." Severus coaxed, grasping Harry's hand. Harry's eyes shut for a few long seconds before blearily opening again.

"Dad?" he asked in a choked whisper.

"I'm right here son." Severus said, allowing a small smile to grace his features. Immediately Harry launched himself at Severus, tears beginning to fall.

"I thought you were dead! I thought you were dying and it was all my fault and I cut again and I'm so sorry please don't hate me I'm just so glad you're okay because you weren't and it was all my fault and - " Harry's long string of quickly spoken words was cut off by Severus' hand over his mouth. "Sorry." Harry whispered once he had regained control of himself.

"It's all right. It wasn't your fault Alex. Pansy Parkinson has been sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and discovered I was actually working for Dumbledore. Even if it had been your fault, I wouldn't have hated you, Alex. I know you cut again, and I believe I know what potion had been in that vial. I will need you to tell me exactly where you got it from. Draco showed me the room, but I wasn't sure of which cabinet you opened. It wasn't your fault." Severus said calmly. Harry sniffed loudly and wiped his eyes with the edge of his sleeve.

"How long was I out this time?" Harry asked.

"Three days. May I ask if you were trying to kill yourself again, or just cut?" Severus asked.

"I don't know which. I . . . I panicked, I wasn't thinking . . . she said you might not make it, and I just stopped thinking."

"That's obvious." Severus said, causing a small smile to appear on Harry's face. "You did come close to death though, Alex." Severus said. Harry lowered his eyes, staring at the white blanket covering his lap.

"It was different with the glass. Not at all like my dagger, or even the kitchen knives." Harry admitted. "I had to push harder, I guess I just pushed too hard." He said quietly. "Will I be able to leave soon?" He asked hopefully.

"Poppy says you may return to your room, but no wandering. We can't have you becoming unresponsive in some obscure room we'll never find." Severus said.

"There isn't a cure?" Harry asked, his eyes snapping up to Severus, fear showing plainly in those emerald eyes.

"I didn't say that, Alex. I have a good idea of which potion was in the vial, and if it's the one I believe it is, there is a cure. It will take a week for me to make, however. If it's another potion, there may or may not be a cure. If there isn't, I will immediately set to work on finding one." Severus explained, rubbing the boy's back in a soothing way.

"Thank you." Harry said.

"It's not as if I'm going to leave you like this." Severus said. Their conversation was interrupted when Madame Pomfrey bustled in to give Harry one last look over. He was declared as healthy as he could be with the potion in his system.

"Can you remember which potion you took?" Severus asked, leading Harry to the room Draco had told him Harry had been in. Harry slowly looked around the room, opening each cabinet. Three were locked, leaving only three others to look in. He immediately ruled out one cabinet as the potions in it were all wrong.

"It's one of these two cabinets." Harry said quietly. "Probably from the middle shelves. I wasn't thinking, I just grabbed the first thing I saw." Harry said. Severus nodded and looked over the potions in the cabinets. He pulled out five vials, each with a different colored potion.

"These are the only ones that wouldn't immediately kill you or otherwise harm you. Most potions are made to be ingested, and taking them directly into the blood stream can change their properties. I'll compare these to the sample off the glass Poppy has."

"What is this room, Father?" Harry asked.

"It's one of my old potion labs. I brewed potions for the Dark Lord here, mostly poisons. I haven't used it since you defeated him as a baby. The wards must have worn off since then. You are very lucky you didn't choose one of the poisons. You would have died in a most painful way." Severus said quietly. "I'll place all my calming droughts, sleeping potions, and pain relievers in one cabinet incase you need them. Other than that cabinet, don't ever touch my other potions unless I specifically give you permission." Severus said.

"I understand." Harry said. He was positive wards would be placed over the other cabinets as well, and unbreakable charms placed on the bottles. After all, a suicidal person can't be trusted around sharp or poisonous objects, can they, Harry thought bitterly to himself. They returned to their rooms where Severus immediately retreated to his lab to test the potions. Harry returned to his room where he was immediately pounced upon by Midnight and Sangue.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Severus didn't leave his laboratory until the next morning. He found Harry curled up on the sofa, asleep, no doubt having been waiting for Severus. Thankfully he woke up when Severus shook him, though he did flinch away from the touch. At least he wasn't unresponsive again.

"This is the potion you accidentally took. It was an experimental potion. The Dark Lord wanted a potion that would keep his long term victims from healing with time. I never quite got it to work correctly before that Halloween." Severus said.

"What does that mean for me? Madame Pomfrey healed my wounds fine. Why do I fall into these fits?" Harry asked.

"The potion didn't work exactly perfectly, meaning the wounds still healed with magic, just not the muggle way. I believe that your depression is what is causing the fits. There have been times where you didn't want to continue living, correct?" Severus asked sadly. Harry nodded. "It's more or less a mental wound, a deadly mental wound. Somehow it's causing periods where your conscious self more or less dies, in a fashion. But you only had a small dose, and not through the normal way, so it can't kill your body." Severus said. "I'll have the antidote done by Friday."

"Thank you." Harry said.

"You don't need to thank me, you are my son Alex. You don't honestly expect me to leave you this way?" Severus asked.

"I . . . no. I don't." Harry said sincerely. Severus smiled slightly. Harry was getting better already.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Friday couldn't come soon enough for anyone who knew of Harry's fits. They were becoming more frequent, lasting much longer than they had before. The potion was wearing down Harry's resistance. Finally the potion was done, and luckily there was a brief period when Harry was aware during the afternoon. He took the potion and immediately fell asleep. Severus knew this was normal, however, Harry's body was healing itself. Hopefully the antidote would address Harry's low blood levels as well.

On Monday, when Harry was fully healed, he and Severus were called up to Dumbledore's office. Finally, after offerings of tea and lemon drops, he got around to the point of the summons.

"Why I have called you here is simple, really, but then again, the answer is complex." Dumbledore started off in his normal cryptic way. "You need to decide which child shall be returning to classes after vacation - Harry Potter or Alexander Snape. I have no objections to either persona. Since you are no longer a spy, Severus, it is safe for Alex to be out in the open without fear of Voldemort. But you are a target, Severus, and so will your son be. Harry will also have to adjust to school as 'the new kid.' He will have to be re-sorted." Dumbledore explained.

"If you chose to return as Harry Potter, you will still be a target for Voldemort. You will be able to keep your old life, however, but Severus will not be able to treat you as his son since we do not want Voldemort or the public suspecting Alex and Harry are one in the same just yet. Both identities have their pros and cons. It is up to you to decide, Severus, Harry. I await your decision by no later than Friday, so I may make the proper arrangements if you choose to be Alex." Dumbledore said. Clearly recognizing that as a dismissal, the two Snapes left.

"This is your choice Alex. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other who you decide to be." Severus said.

"I wish for once my life could be easy. I believe I will be sorted into Slytherin if I'm Alex. While I'll be able to still be friends with Draco, Ron will probably hate me. He already acts odd because I'm a Snape. Hermione might accept me, though. But if I stay as Harry, Draco might not want to be seen with Gryffindors." Harry fretted. Either way he could picture himself easily losing a friend.

"As I said Alex, it is your decision."


	24. Welcome

Harry carefully thought over both of his options, weighing the advantages and disadvantages of each. Finally he decided he would rather start over with a new life, as Alex Snape. If Ron couldn't take the fact that he was a Snape, fine. He would have found out eventually even if Harry stayed as Harry. He told Dumbledore, who immediately set his plans in action.

Harry was to return to his 'Harry Potter' face, and come to the castle one last time. He would get all of his belongings, which in reality was just an empty trunk. He would say goodbye to Hermione and Ron and the other Gryffindors, telling them he was being sent to a safe house to train for the upcoming war. He would leave again, and change back to Alex Snape, who would come up from the train station with the rest of his belongings (i.e., the empty trunk), having decided to formally attend Hogwarts.

Tonks would impersonate Harry and be seen out in London every once in a while, so the public would not panic. Harry would be resorted and pick up his classes where he had left off. Severus would give him the training he needed in defense and curses at night, as it would be perfectly normal for him to teach his son extra things.

Things went off without a hitch. 'Harry' disappeared the day the students came back. 'Alex' found himself standing nervously outside the Great Hall, Severus at his side, waiting for Dumbledore to announce that they had a new student. McGonagall swept by them with the sorting hat, giving Harry a reassuring smile.

The hall quieted as Dumbledore stood to make his announcements, and Severus directed Harry to follow him into the hall. A whisper ran through the hall as his name was announced. Harry stood before Professor McGonagall (the stool usually used was far too small for Harry, even with his undernourished body) and the hat was placed on his head.

"_Back again Mr. Potter? Or should I say Snape? Well then, any preferences as to where you wish to go? I still say Slytherin is the best choice, especially now as your 'idiotic bravery,' as your father calls it, has diminished a bit." _The hat said

"I don't care." Harry thought back to the hat.

"_Well then, best be _SLYTHERIN!" the hat shouted. Clapping came from the Slytherin table. Draco moved over and Harry took a seat between him and a boy he vaguely recognized as Blaise Zabini.

"Are you really Professor Snape's son?" A third year asked Harry.

"Yes." Harry answered.

"Where were you then? The professor never even hinted at having a wife, let alone a son." The slightly rude Slytherin asked.

"My mother died when I was little, and Father couldn't care for me, so I was sent to live with relatives of my mother." Harry said. He should have known he would have to face many questions. Draco struck up a conversation with Harry to discourage most of the interrogators, to Harry's gratitude.

Harry had decided to try sleeping in the dormitory, so Draco led him down after dinner. What seemed like an insignificant stretch of bare stone wall was the entrance, and actually had a small tell if you knew where to look. About eye-level there was a small snake carved into one of the stones. The password was Hocus Pocus - rather ingenious actually. Who would guess that the Slytherins had a muggle saying as their password?

"The Slytherin dormitories are a bit more spread out since we have the whole dungeon to ourselves. The Seventh years all get their own room, the other years are split up into two or three small dorms. Crabbe, Goyle, and Nott have one dorm. They're all Death Eaters in training. Blaise and I share the other, and you'll be with us. Blaise's family does not support Voldemort, but they aren't active members of the light either. For the most part he's trustworthy." Draco explained to Harry. Harry nodded and Draco led him through a door in the common room into a hallway. Seven doors came off the hallway, each marked with a number.

Draco led Harry through the door with the number 6. Inside was a smaller version of the common room, though it looked quite a bit more comfortable than the main common room, with a large fireplace and overstuffed green armchairs. Two more doors came off this room, one with the names V. Crabbe, G. Goyle, and T. Nott. The second door was labeled D. Malfoy, A. Snape, and B. Zabini.

Again, Draco led Harry through the door. Inside was their dorm. A thick green carpet covered the floor to keep out the chill. A fireplace blazed against one wall. There were three beds, each with silver hangings, green blankets and pillows, and silver sheets. Harry's trunk was at the foot of the bed closest to the door. There was yet another door leading from this room into a medium sized bathroom.

"Wow. Why didn't I let the hat place me here first year?" Harry questioned himself out loud.

"I was surprised it placed you here at all, but it wanted to put you here originally?" Draco asked.

"Yeah, but I had heard nothing but biased horror stories about Slytherin, so I begged it not to." Harry answered. Blaise soon came in and the three boys got ready for bed. Harry was glad it was cool in the dungeons, for he would not be questioned about always wearing long sleeved shirts and pajamas. Sighing he placed a silencing ward around his bed, and a calming potion on the small bedside table. Better safe than sorry.

Harry made it through the night with no more than a small nightmare, not bad enough to wake him. He woke early in order to get ready before the other two. Even though Draco knew about his scars, he didn't particularly like anyone seeing them. And Zabini had never seen them. Harry didn't particularly trust him not to tell others.

Harry was fine through most of his classes. Since he was in NEWT level classes, they were a bit smaller than past years, as people were beginning to focus on the subjects they wanted to major in. Harry still shied away from the Great Hall when it was full of loud students, preferring to go early in the morning for breakfast, and either skipping lunch or getting food from the kitchens. He was usually one of the last to show up at dinner, if he showed up at all.

One drawback to being Alex were the whispers and dirty looks from the Gryffindors and a few other houses. _'Can you believe Snape actually reproduced?' _and _'Who would want to be with him anyway?'_ echoed through the halls of Hogwarts. Harry was glad that Hermione continued to be kind, however. They often studied together in the library late at night.

Potions was one class Harry was beginning to excel in. Severus had been giving him a bit of extra training, which helped greatly. He also paid much more attention in class, rather than talking with Ron and complaining about Severus' treatment. Also, there were far less ingredients being hurled at his cauldron as sabotage.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

One night Harry was woken from a nightmare by someone shaking his shoulder. Still sleepy and disoriented he flinched away without thinking, curling up in the corner of his bed.

"Relax Alex, you were having a nightmare." A familiar voice said.

"Draco?" Harry asked.

"Are you okay?" Draco asked, sitting on Harry's bed.

"Yeah, just nightmares." Harry said. "How did you know? I thought I had a silencing charm up."

"Your curtains were open a bit, I saw you moving around. You have nightmares often?" Draco asked.

"Almost every night." Harry admitted, looking down. Draco reached out to touch Harry's back carefully. When Harry didn't pull away, Draco rubbed his back in a comforting motion. Harry let him, leaning his head against Draco's shoulder.

"Thank you." Harry said. "You know, I never would have thought you could be this...nice." Harry said.

"I probably couldn't have been a few years ago." Draco admitted. The two sat in silence for a few moments.

"I think I'll be alright now." Harry said. Draco nodded, moving back to his own bed. Harry downed one of the calming potions Severus had provided him with, knowing he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep without it. Making sure his silencing spell was still in place and his curtains were closed all the way, he easily drifted back to sleep.


	25. The Beginning of the End

In light of the release of HBP, I felt the need to leave an author's note to tell you what will happen to this story.

1. There will be no spoilersin this story. (Not that there's many people left out there who haven't read it by now)

2. This story will continue on as it has, completely disregarding everything that happened in HBP

Also, several people have asked if this is going to be slash. I'm telling you all now that this story will contain **NO SLASH, SORRY.** I'm sorry to those of you who like slash, but I feel my Harry isn't ready for a relationship yet what with the abuse and the rape (some of you forgot about the rape, didn't you? Don't worry, the perpetrator will be revealed soon). If you like slash, check out some of my other stories.

Also, **the beginning of this story has been edited and changed slightly.** It is not absolutely necessary, but it wouldn't hurt to go back and read over the beginning of this story. A few things have been changed around.

On another note, I apologize immensely for the long, long waits between chapters. I'm trying my best to keep typing, but I believe I've come down with a case of writer's block. Do not worry though, I have every intention of finishing this story. As you might be able to tell from this chapter, it is nearing its end.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Harry's life eventually settled into a nice routine. Less whispers followed him down the hall as the students got used to the idea of Professor Snape having a son. Hermione became his friend again, even if she didn't know he was really Harry. Harry felt bad having to lie to Hermione, but he liked his new life.

Unfortunately, things never stayed peaceful for long. Voldemort was on the move, trying to regain the hold he once had over the Wizarding world. Articles began appearing in the Daily Prophet wondering where their savior had gone. Harry was beginning to feel the pressure of the prophecy even more. People were dying out there because he was too much of a coward to kill Voldemort. Here he was, hiding away as a different person, trying to escape his fate.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Severus?" Harry asked one day, reading over the titles of the books Severus had on his shelves.

"Yes?" Severus said, not looking up from the book he was reading.

"Do you know if there was ever a spell created to trap the soul of someone?" Harry asked. Severus looked up sharply from his book.

"Why do you ask?"

"I need something to use against Voldemort. It's my responsibility to kill him. The sooner I do it, the better. But he could just go possess someone, letting his body die but his soul live. I need something to trap his soul."

"A spell like that would be considered Dark Magic." Severus said.

"I don't care. I want to stop him before he kills more people." Harry said. Severus stood, going over to where Harry was standing. He placed a hand on Harry's shoulder to get his attention.

"Alex, you are still a child. Give yourself some time to enjoy life. The Order is doing it's best to stop the Dark Lord. You needn't kill him until you are ready." Severus said.

"What if I am ready?" Harry asked stubbornly. Severus sighed.

"I will help you locate a spell to use, but there is no guarantee it will work. Many dark spells require the use of mass amounts of magic. Even if you do succeed, it could kill you." Severus said.

"I'm willing to risk that if it means Voldemort dies too." Harry said quietly.

"Promise me you won't go searching for the Dark Lord." Severus said.

"What?"

"Promise me!" Severus said harshly, spinning Harry around to face him. Harry flinched away and Severus immediately calmed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Severus said.

"It's alright. I promise I wont go looking for Voldemort. He's bound to come after me sooner or later anyway." Harry said. Severus gave him a disapproving look but let it go.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Several weeks passed as Severus and Harry researched spells. They found three that could trap or destroy the soul of a person. One of them was too ritualistic, needing exact timing and more than one person. One of them sometimes had unpredictable results and side effects. The third one seemed like it would work, however. It would trap the soul of the person inside a gemstone, which could then be used to control the trapped soul's magic, or destroyed by phoenix fire.

While Harry set about memorizing the incantation, Severus set out in search of the perfect gemstone. It would have to be a diamond, the strongest stone, for they weren't sure if anything weaker could contain Voldemort. It also had to be cut in a certain fashion. Finally Severus found a medium sized diamond that would work perfectly. Harry made sure to carry it with him at all times, concealed in a hidden pocket. Now he need only wait for Voldemort.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Severus sighed as he was once more woken up by the monitoring spell he had placed on Harry. It hadn't gone off in many days, and Severus had been contemplating taking it off. Harry stayed in the dormitory most nights, but tonight he had returned to the room connected to Severus' chambers. Severus decided firmly against removing the monitoring spell as he quickly made his way to his son's room, where the teen had somehow produced a knife to cut himself with.

Harry was leaning over the sink, sobbing. Blood was slowly welling up from a few shallow cuts on his arms, a knife held loosely in one hand. Severus slowly reached around Harry, pulling the knife away easily before wrapping his arms around his son in a comforting embrace.

"Alex?" he asked when the sobs only increased.

"I'm sorry." Harry whispered. "I...I didn't mean to. I tried not to. I don't know what's wrong with me!" he cried, nearly collapsing, the only thing keeping him standing being the sink and Severus' arms around him.

"You might have depression." Severus said. "There are potions that can help, things similar to cheering charms."

"I don't want to be medicated." Harry said, calming down slightly.

"I'll respect your choice for now, but if you try to kill yourself again, or the cutting becomes too severe, I will decide whether to put you on medication or not." Severus said.

"Okay." Harry mumbled, standing up. Severus helped him clean and bandage the cuts, and Harry soon returned to bed. A few nights later, he returned to the dormitories again.

Unfortunately, Harry soon had another vision. He had been frantic afterward, insisting on seeing Dumbledore. Draco had to fetch Severus to come calm him down. Luckily Zabini had been out 'visiting' his girlfriend and hadn't witnessed it. When Severus had gotten Harry calmed down enough to string together a coherent sentence, he had sent Draco to fetch the Headmaster while he tried to get the story out of Harry.

"Voldemort is going to attack the school. He thinks without me - without Harry Potter here, he won't be stopped." Harry said.

"Do you remember any other details, Alex?" Severus asked.

"He said they attack in a week. I think he's planning on bringing more than just Death Eaters as well." Harry said.

"Yes, he does have the Dementors under his control." Severus said. Dumbledore soon arrived and Severus filled him in on what Harry had seen. Dumbledore immediately began planning the defense of the school. Hopefully they would be able to convince the ministry to send their aurors. Remus would bring in the Werewolves that were on their side. The entire order would be there to fight. Students would be locked inside their common rooms.

They felt it was best to give Voldemort no reason to suspect that they knew he was attacking. Only the order knew of Harry's vision. The Heads of Houses began putting up extra wards around their common rooms, and all the teachers helped strengthen the emergency wards.

When the first Death Eaters were spotted grouping together, all students would be ordered into their common rooms. They would be given fifteen minutes, and then the emergency wards would be triggered. Every door in the school would lock, and would not open until one of the Heads of Houses or the Headmaster disabled the wards. Only the House elves would be able to get around so the students would be able to get food if the battle lasted a long time.

Harry became increasingly anxious as the week wore on. He couldn't concentrate in class, or on his homework. He had returned to flinching whenever anyone touched him, especially if someone touched him from behind, or he didn't notice them. Finally Draco got fed up with always being answered with 'I'm fine,' and dragged Harry into Harry's private room.

"Alright Alex, I'm going to ask you one last time. Why are you so tense and jumpy? What happened in that vision? And don't just say 'I'm fine,' I know you aren't." Draco demanded. Harry bit his lip, looking anywhere but at Draco for a moment.

"Voldemort is planning and attack." He said quickly.

"Where?" Draco asked.

"I - I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you." Harry said.

"I'm not going to go run off and tell anyone. I was disowned Alex. That puts me about equal with mudbloods and muggle-lovers in the eyes of the purebloods. Slytherin mostly just tolerate me, and the rest of the school hates me because I'm still a Slytherin. You're the only one who talks to me much anymore, or haven't you noticed?" Draco said.

"I noticed something was wrong with you near the beginning of the year." Harry agreed. "He..." Harry started, then leaned in very close to whisper in Draco's ear. "He's going to attack the school."

"What!" Draco exclaimed.

"Shh!" Harry said.

"And Dumbledore isn't evacuating the students?" Draco asked.

"He doesn't want Voldemort knowing that we know. The day of the attack he's going to keep everyone in their dormitories and put the school on lock down. The dorms will be very well guarded. The ministry is sending in a team of aurors, and I think I might have figured out a way to end this." Harry said.

"I don't want to be stuck in the dorms with all the Slytherins." Draco said.

"I don't blame you. I wouldn't trust them. Maybe if you talk to Severus, he can get Dumbledore to let you stay somewhere else."

"I'd rather not sit around and do nothing while the school gets attacked. You...you've become a good friend, Alex, much as I never thought I would say those words. I never really had any friends before. I was too much of a snob to think anyone was good enough to be my friend. I don't want to sit by while you risk your life." The blonde said quietly, shifting uncomfortably and staring at the ground. Harry smiled slightly and placed a hand on Draco's shoulder.

"It's best if there's as few people in this fight as possible. Less deaths...less guilt." Harry said quietly. Draco nodded solemnly and the two lapsed into a comfortable silence.


	26. Attack

It was only a few days after Harry told Draco of his vision, in the late evening, when the aurors standing guard on the tallest tower spotted the cloaked forms of Death Eaters gathering on the edge of the forbidden forest. They wasted no time in alerting Dumbledore and the heads of houses. Harry and Draco had been trying to play a game of wizarding chess in the library, but were far too distracted by their thoughts to concentrate on the game, when Dumbledore's voice sounded throughout the entire school with the help of a spell.

"All students return to your dormitories immediately. I repeat, all students report to your dormitories immediately. You have ten minutes, and then all the doors in the school will be locked. Heads of the houses, please check on your students and then report to the Great Hall with the other teachers. This is no joke. Voldemort is threatening the school." Dumbledore informed the school gravely.

Madame Pince wasted no time in shooing everyone out of the library, not even caring when her precious books were dropped on the floor and knocked from the shelves. Out in the hall, it was full out panic. Students ran to and fro, knocking each other over, running over one another. Harry, thinking quickly, placed his wand to his throat and whispered _sonorus_.

"Calm down everyone!" he shouted. "Do what Professor Dumbledore said. Go calmly to your common rooms, I'm sure he has the school well protected. You're just making things worse by panicking." Amazingly enough, people listened to him and quickly made their way out of the hallway. Harry cancelled the spell and grabbed Draco's arm, so as not to lose him in the crowd, before rushing down to the dungeons.

"Go to the dormitory." Harry said to Draco, turning toward Severus' rooms.

"No Alex. I want to stay with you." He said firmly. Harry looked into his eyes for a moment, seeing the determination written there. Knowing he didn't have enough time to convince Draco to leave him, he sighed. He had let Hermione and Ron come with him on enough dangerous adventures, he might as well give Draco a chance. It would be nice not to be alone.

"Alright." Harry said, sprinting the rest of the way to Severus' rooms, Draco right behind him. Inside Severus was preparing himself for battle, changing his normal teaching robes for less constricting clothing and hiding potions vials in hundreds of tiny, protected pockets.

"Why aren't you in the dorms?" He asked Draco, tossing a few potions to Harry.

"I want to help. I'm not hiding away while my godfather and my friend risk their lives out there." Draco said. Severus seemed to think about it for a moment before conceding.

"Fine. Keep these with you. They're healing and energizing potions." Severus said, passing some potions to Draco as well. Draco nodded and gulped slightly, grasping his wand tightly. Harry nervously checked the pocket that concealed the diamond he was to use to trap Voldemort's soul, relieved each time he found it still there.

"Alright, Alex?" Severus asked quietly.

"Yeah." Harry said softly.

"If anything happens," he began saying.

"Don't say that." Harry cut him off mid -sentence. Severus sighed and pulled his son into a hug.

"If anything happens, just know that I truly love you, as you are, no strings attached. Even when you're acting like a damn fool. Just be careful, please." Severus said. Harry squeezed his eyes shut tight against the tears that sprang to his eyes at his father's words.

"I love you too dad." he whispered, barely audible.

"You need to change back to Harry Potter now." Severus said after a moment. Harry nodded and pulled away, and a few seconds later he had morphed back to what he had looked like the previous year. "Let's go, we can't be late." Severus nodded and the three of them quickly made their way to the Great Hall.

"Draco, I want you to stay with Alex no matter what. Watch each other's backs. Whatever you do _stay together_." Severus ordered as they neared the Great Hall where those joining the fight were congregating.

Luckily, the ministry had sent a full battalion of Aurors as soon as the Death Eaters had been spotted. A special portkey had been made for them, and Kingsley Shaklebolt had made sure that the minister did not interfere in any way. All of the teachers were nervously mulling around and the Weasley twins were passing out some of their 'pranks,' harmful ones made for battle.

The order was organized off in one corner of the Great Hall, and that is where Severus and Harry headed. There were a few surprised exclamations when Harry joined them, and a few distrustful looks at Draco. Severus quickly convinced the other's that Draco could be useful, that he had ordered Draco to stay at Harry's back no matter what. The others reluctantly gave in.

"You-Know-Who just arrived!" One of the aurors shouted to the crowd. The nervous chattering died down, replaced by grim, determined silence. Dumbledore broke it after a moment with a few words of encouragement.

"We all knew it would come down to this eventually. Luckily, we have a slight advantage. Voldemort expects Mr. Potter to be away from the school and he expects to catch us unaware and unprepared." The school shook for a moment as if an explosion had gone off, interrupting Dumbledore's words. "Voldemort is tearing at the wards. We still have a few minutes until he attacks. Everyone, you know your place and what to do. Watch each other's backs. Anyone who can cast a patronus, to the front now. Everyone, out on to the grounds, let's stop this maniac once and for all!" Dumbledore shouted, eliciting a cheer from the crowd before they started marching out onto the grounds.

Everyone quieted down immediately, using the cover of darkness to sneak as close to the enemy as possible. Right now, it was as dark as it got. The sun had just set, and the moon had not quite risen yet. Soon enough it would, however, turning many of the men on both sides into werewolves. All the werewolves on the side of the light had taken wolfsbane, however, and would be able to distinguish enemy from friend. Those on the side of the dark weren't so lucky, and would simply attack anything that moves.

Another quake shook the ground, this time accompanied by a loud boom. Voldemort was getting close to fighting his way through the outer wards of Hogwarts. Soon enough, they began to feel the chill of the Dementors standing guard.

One last explosion, and the wards were down. Immediately the Dementors swept forward, and dozens of patronus charms were cast, illuminating the battle field with their silver light. It was then that Voldemort realized he had been expected, and a cry of fury went up from the Dark side before they charged. Curses began flying everywhere, lighting the field as if fireworks were going off.

Harry and Draco were soon enveloped in a horrid world that they could barely comprehend. Everything was a blur, curses flying back and forth, people shouting, screaming in both pain and triumph. As the moon rose, the scene was eerily illuminated, and cries of agony went up from the werewolf packs. Some of the order took this opportunity to dispose of some of the dark werewolves, who would pose a great threat once over the transformation.

Howls joined the sounds filling the night air as the two youngest participants of the battle did everything they could to avoid major confrontations until they could reach Voldemort. Harry knew that was his goal, and nothing else. So the two of them darted in between aurors and Death Eaters, dodging curses and bodies laying on the ground, avoiding the werewolves and dementors.

Both of the boys soon lost track of where they were and the time that was passing. All around them were blinking lights, curses, screams, shouts, blood, and all manner of other disgusting things. The horror of the night was almost indescribable, worse than anything Harry had ever imagined. One often heard of battles being described as glorious - they were anything but.

"Potter!" he heard the shout of rage and surprise, whirling around quickly only to come face to face with none other that the Dark Lord himself.

"Surprised?" Harry asked with a smirk.

"So you decided to show your cowardly self after all, did you? Well then, I'll just be able to get rid of you sooner than I expected!" he crowed gleefully, shooting a curse at Harry, which he dodged. Harry knew he would have to get Voldemort tired before he attempted the spell, so he began a game of cat and mouse, dodging curses, throwing insults and his own, mostly ineffective, curses. As promised, Draco stayed right with him.

Soon enough though, Harry was hit with a cruciatus curse. He refused to scream, however, and it was soon released. Voldemort stood over him, smirking. Harry took advantage of his momentary distraction to cast a series of curses and jinxes, catching the monster off guard. He roared in fury and reeled back as he was hit with a cutting hex and a mild pain curse, shooting another crucio at the spot Harry had been occupying milliseconds before.

Filled with new hope, Harry began quickly circling Voldemort, jumping from place to place, casting any and every curse that came to mind. Most the time they missed, but occasionally he hit Voldemort. Voldemort was angry, beyond angry even. He wasn't concentrating because of this, and Harry for some reason was strangely calm, making full use of his ever so slight advantage. Finally, after hitting Voldemort with impedimenta, Harry began to say the incantation that would trap his soul forever. He worried slightly as he saw Draco fall to the ground beside him, but knew he couldn't stop the spell no matter what. Just as he was about to say the last word of the spell, he felt something impact with his back, and his world turned black.


	27. Never Again

Harry woke up groggy and confused, and in a slight amount of pain. Opening his eyes, he was met with almost complete darkness He could barely make out his surrounding. Feeling around, he could tell that the floor he was currently laying on was stone. With a groan, he remembered the events of just before he passed out.

"Who's there?" another voice asked when Harry groaned.

"Draco?" Harry asked. It certainly sounded like the blond, but the tone was all wrong. The owner of the voice sounded very frightened and timid, not at all like the arrogant Draco Harry knew for the most part.

"Alex?" the voice asked back. It was most definitely Draco then. Harry slowly crawled through the dark to where he thought the voice was coming from.

"Where are you?" Harry asked.

"Over here, in the corner." Draco answered, a little to Harry's left. Heading in that direction he soon bumped into a wall and followed it to where the blond was huddled in a corner.

"Are you hurt?" Harry asked. He could barely make out Draco's outline in the darkness of the room. "Do you know what happened?"

"Someone hit me with cruciatus. I passed out, and woke up here maybe half an hour ago." Draco said.

"You must be in pain Draco, did you take one of the potions Father gave you?" Harry said, worried. If Draco had passed out from the cruciatus curse, he must have been under it for a long time. It was a wonder he could speak as easily as he was.

"No. It hurts to move." Draco said, and this time Harry could hear the well-concealed pain in his trembling voice. Harry reached into his robe, fishing around for a potion. Luckily the Death Eater's either hadn't looked for anything but his wand, or couldn't find the hidden pockets, because all of his possessions, besides his wand, were still on him. A bit of hope filled him when he found the diamond still in his pocket. Harry sniffed a few potions before finding the right one. He silently thanked Severus for making sure he knew everything about the potions he had supplied Harry with.

"This is one of Severus' post-cruciatus potions." Harry said, holding it to Draco's lips. After a moment's hesitation, the other boy drank it. A small sigh of relief escaped his lips after a minute.

"Thank you." Draco said, his voice more sincere than Harry had ever heard it before. Harry nodded his acknowledgment, forgetting that Draco probably couldn't see him either. Harry pulled his cloak tightly around himself, both from cold and fear.

"I failed." Harry whispered, fighting back tears of shame. Draco was silent, not quite knowing what to say. Instead, he reached out hesitantly to place a hand on Harry's shoulder. The boy flinched slightly, but accepted the touch, leaning in closer to Draco. The two spent a few moments in comfortable silence, huddled together for warmth. Despite it being late spring, it was fridigly cold in the dungeon like place they were.

An indeterminate amount of time later, the two boys heard movement outside of their room just before a door was opened, spilling a dim light into the chamber. The light intensified and they had to shield their eyes from the brightness as Death Eaters entered carrying torches. Voldemort himself soon entered the room.

"How touching." Voldemort sneered as he caught sight of Harry and Draco huddled together in the corner. "The blood-traitor and the Golden Boy have finally put aside their differences and formed a friendship. You should know better than to turn your back on me, Draco. I thought perhaps another year surrounded by those mudblood idiots that infest Hogwarts might sway you to my side. I can see now I was wrong. You're just as bad as the filth that permeates the wizarding world. _Crucio!_" he shouted, directing it toward Draco. He writhed in pain on the ground as Harry watched, horrified. Draco refused to scream however, only a small whimper escaped his lips, heard only by Harry.

"And you Potter. Don't even get me started." He sneered, striding over to Harry and pulling him to his feet. Harry struggled to get away, but the Dark Lord held him tight and pulled up the sleeve of his robes, showing off his scars to the other Death Eaters. "This is what Dumbledore expects to save the world, to defeat me. A scared, pathetic little boy who doesn't even want to save himself. You disgust me, Potter. Crushing you will be pathetically easy." With that little speech Voldemort threw Harry back to the ground beside his classmate, sweeping back to the center of the room.

"So what's the big plan this time, Tom?" Harry sneered in response, glaring at the snake-man. "Why haven't you just killed me and gotten it over with yet?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you Potter? No, I wont make things that easy. Tell me, do you have any idea how painful it is to have your soul ripped from your body? It is agonybeyond anything your puny little brain can imagine. You will suffer as I suffered, Potter. You will be begging me for death long before it is granted to you." Voldemort hissed.

"I will never beg you for anything, Tom." Harry spat, Voldemort's eyes flashing at the use of his given name.

"Well then Potter, I have a little surprise for you. Come here, Emery." Voldemort smirked. "Take off your hood. I have a present for you." Slowly one of the Death Eaters stepped forward, lowering his hood and removing his mask, revealing a predatory smirk. Harry's breath caught in his throat when he recognized the man. It was _him_.

"I see you remember my little friend here, Potter." Voldemort said, a cruel smile on his face. "Do as you please with him, Emery." Harry backed further into the corner as the man approached, his breath speeding up as the panic gripped him, almost hyperventilating.

"Alex?" Draco asked in a whisper. He was knocked aside by the man with a curse, however. Harry brought his hands up to cover his head as he curled into a ball, his eyes clenched tightly shut, but the man just grabbed his wrists and pulled him upwards.

"NO!" Harry shouted, kicking and struggling. He would not let that happen again. He could fight back this time, he wasn't chained up. He could use magic this time, he wasn't at his relatives. Harry just kept telling himself to fight back as the man began to chuckle, restraining him with a spell and beginning to remove his robes.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Harry screamed. As he screamed, Harry's magic responded to him much like it had when he was a child and he did accidental magic. A wave of magic burst from him, knocking the circle of Death Eaters off their feet and throwing the man off of Harry. The other Death Eaters gasped as Harry opened his eyes. They were glowing killing-curse green.

Harry poured all of his emotions into the magic as he realized what he was doing. His hate, his pain, his doubts and his fears all combined to fuel the magic that was taking on a green hue. The Death Eaters in the room began to scream as Harry's magic attacked them. Harry barely registered what he was doing. All he knew was that he hated these men and he wanted to see them suffer as much as he himself had suffered.

Voldemort quickly regained his senses after the surprise of Harry's wandless magic, however, and tried to send the killing curse at him. It didn't work, instead Harry's magic rebound it at him, and he was hit with his own spell. As Voldemorts body fell to the ground and his soul struggled to free itself of it's physical confines, Harry wasted no time in taking the diamond, which was thankfully still in his pocket, and chanting the incantation to trap the man's soul forever. This time there were no interruptions, and the spell was completed, Voldemort's soul shrieking as it was imprisoned in the jewel.

Slowly the magic began to recede, and the glow around Harry began to diminish. He slumped to the ground after a moment in a dead faint, exhausted from expending such a large amount of magic, wandless magic at that. Draco slowly crawled over to Harry, fearfully checking for a pulse and breathing. He breathed a sigh of relief as he found them both still there.

Draco was at a loss as to what to do. He didn't know if the other Death Eaters were dead or just unconscious, or if they would wake up any minute now. Cautiously he walked over to the nearest Death Eater. There was a pulse, but it was slow and weak. Draco took the man's wand and went back over to where Harry was.

"Ennervate." Draco whispered over Harry's form. He woke with a groan, and Draco forced one of the energizing potions that Severus had supplied them with down his throat.

"We should probably get out of here." Draco said.

"I can't move." Harry whispered. "Is he...is he gone? Did I do it?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, he's gone." Draco said. "We need to get out of here though, or do something. If I help you, do you think you could at least walk a little way, Alex?" Draco asked. Even though Harry looked like Harry Potter once more, Draco still thought of him as Alex.

"I think so." Harry said. Draco nodded and helped Harry to his feet. It was slow progress the two of them made, Harry leaning heavily on the already wounded blond, but soon they reached the end of the dungeons and went up a staircase to find a large house. One of the rooms luckily had a fireplace and some floo powder, and Draco firecalled Severus.

It was only a matter of moments before members of the order began to apparate to where Harry and Draco were. Draco pointed them in the direction of the dungeons. Harry had passed out again, or maybe just fallen asleep. Either way he didn't notice when Severus rushed to his side.

"He's okay, just exhausted." Draco assured him.

"Are you okay Draco?" Severus asked.

"I was hit with crucio a couple times." Draco said. Severus wordlessly handed him a potion as Professor Dumbledore himself approached the trio.

"Mr. Malfoy, can you give me your account of what happened here?" the old wizard asked.

"Can't it wait until he's been to the infirmary, Albus?" Severus asked.

"I'm afraid not, Severus." Dumbledore said gravely.

"The Dark Lord didn't want to kill Alex right away, he said he wanted to make him suffer first. He told one of his Death Eaters, Emery, that he could do as he pleased with Alex. He was really scared of the man, I don't know why. He was so frightened his cast accidental magic, though. He made all of that mess downstairs with wandless magic. It knocked the Death Eaters out, and then the Dark Lord tried to use the killing curse on Alex. It rebound and hit himself instead. After the Dark Lord had been hit with the killing curse, he used a spell to trap his soul in a diamond." Draco told the Headmaster.

"Thank you, Mr. Malfoy. Do you know what happened to that diamond?" Dumbledore asked.

"No." Draco said.

"Alex still has it, Albus." Severus said, pulling the diamond out of Harry's limp grasp. The diamond had changed from being clear to having a blood red stain in the very center of it.

"Thank you Severus. Why don't you get these boys to the hospital wing now?" Dumbledore asked, creating a portkey and handing it to Severus. Draco and Severus both grasped the portkey, and Severus moved one of Harry's hands to touch it as well. In a few seconds, they were whisked away.


	28. Resting

Just a quick note to reassure everyone that this is not quite the end of the story. I'm planning on at least two more chapters, so this story is nearing the end, just not quite there yet. So enjoy the chapter, and please review!

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

Severus carefully laid Harry on a nearby bed as he and Draco arrived in the hospital wing. It was much tamer than it had been when Severus had left it after the battle. Most of the wounded were sleeping, Madame Pomfrey and a couple other healers bustling here and there to check on people. Healers from St. Mungo's had been brought in to help with the casualties. Those who were able to be transported were brought to St. Mungo's.

During the battle, there was a point at which the Dark forces began to withdraw quickly from the fight. It had confused the light side, as Voldemort was not one to retreat. They soon realized that Harry Potter was missing, and it dawned on them that Voldemort must have chosen to take his revenge on Harry, leaving a conquest of Hogwarts for after he disposed of his biggest enemy.

Severus helped Draco into a bed beside Harry and pulled some curtains around the two beds before going to fetch Madame Pomfrey to look at the two. She clucked over Draco, handing him a few potions to drink, one of which put him to sleep almost immediately. Next she turned to Harry's limp form. Severus had been carding his fingers through his son's hair the whole time, worriedly watching him. He looked dead, his skin pale, his body limp, and his chest almost motionless. Several times he had to hold his hand near Harry's mouth and nose to reassure himself that the boy was still breathing.

"He's severely exhausted. It's amazing his body is still functioning properly. I'm going to put him into a deep healing sleep, it should keep him under for five days at least." Madame Pomfrey informed Severus once she had finished checking him over. "What happened to him? He's used up all most every drop of magic in his system."

"He defeated the Dark Lord." Severus said, eliciting a sharp gasp from Madame Pomfrey. "Go tend to your other patients, I can watch these two."

"Very well, Severus." the weary nurse said, casting a spell over Harry to put him into the healing sleep. "Give him this." she said, handing him a potion. Severus took it with a nod, pouring it into Harry's mouth and massaging his throat to make him swallow it.

It was a few hours later when Dumbledore entered the hospital wing, inquiring as to Harry's health. A small smile graced the heavily lined face when he went through the curtains to find Severus asleep in a chair between the two boy's beds, having fallen asleep watching over them. The old wizard placed a gentle hand on Severus' shoulder, waking the man.

"Go get some sleep, Severus. Young Mr. Malfoy won't wake until the morning, and Harry won't wake for several days, I'm informed. Do not forget your own injuries, my boy." Dumbledore reminded. Severus' hand moved to his left arm where the Dark Mark unfortunately still resided, along with several heavy scars from a Death Eater who claimed Severus wasn't worthy of bearing the mark and had begun trying to remove it and Severus' whole arm from his body.

"Is everything going smoothly?" Severus asked the headmaster.

"For the most part. The Death Eaters have all been shipped to Azkaban. None of them will be given trial since they were found with the body of the Dark Lord, bearing the Dark Mark and Death Eater uniform. The minister has been convinced that the body is actually that of the Dark Lord. An announcement to the entire wizarding community has been made, and there will be a speech by the minister tomorrow morning. We haven't run across any problems so far." He informed Severus.

"And the diamond?"

"I will safeguard it until Harry is awake, and then Fawkes will burn it. I thought Harry might like to witness it, to know he is gone for good." Dumbledore said.

"A good idea." Severus replied. "What did Alex do to the Death Eaters?" Severus asked.

"It seems that he was drawing upon their magic to supplement his own. Some of them were nearly drained of their magic. There had to be a lot of magic in the air to repel the killing curse. He is truly a remarkable wizard." Dumbledore said. They talked for a few moments longer before heading to their own chambers to get a few hours of sleep.

The next day, Dumbledore announced at breakfast that Harry had defeated Voldemort and was currently in the infirmary. He also said that the school would have a week-long vacation to celebrate. The school was instantly in an uproar, and Ron and Hermione ran from the room, intent on forcing their way into the hospital wing to see their friend. Madame Pomfrey would have none of it, however. She wasn't letting anyone into the hospital wing. Ron glared at Severus as he entered the infirmary without fuss.

"Why does he get to go in and we can't?" Ron whined childishly.

"One, he is a teacher, two, he is a potions master and has some medical knowledge, and third, his son is in there." Madame Pomfrey listed off. Hermione gasped slightly.

"Alex? How did he get hurt?" She asked.

"Why do you care about Snape?" Ron asked incredulously.

"He isn't who you think he is, Ron. If you could pull your head out of your arse you'd see he's actually a nice guy." Hermione said irritably, stalking away from the hospital wing. Ron was left gaping open mouthed after her.

"Hermione swore!" he finally managed to say, long after Hermione had disappeared down the hall.

Inside the Hospital wing, Severus had given Madame Pomfrey a few batches of potions before slipping through the curtains that were still hanging around Harry's bed. Draco was already awake and sitting up in bed, watching Harry sleep.

"He's going to be okay, right?" Draco asked as Severus seated himself between the two beds.

"He nearly drained himself of magic, but he will be alright. Madame Pomfrey put him into a healing sleep. I trust you are feeling well?" Severus asked.

"I'm a little sore, but fine." Draco said. "What's happened since last night?"

"It's been announced to the world that the Dark Lord is dead, and the Headmaster has put the school on a week long vacation. The ministry is actually cooperating for once. All the Death Eaters have been brought to Azakban without trial. It seems that Alex was actually drawing magic from the Death Eaters to supplement his own magic."

"No wonder he could repel the killing curse." Draco said in awe.

It was six days before Harry woke from the healing sleep. The Weasley's and Hermione had been in to visit him even though Madame Pomfrey said he wouldn't wake for a few more days. Severus sat with Harry every day, and Draco, who had been released the first day, visited a couple times as well.

It was only Severus in the small room formed by curtains when Harry woke. It was slow, Harry gradually becoming more and more aware of his surroundings. One of the first things he noticed was that he felt more well rested than he could ever remember being. Next he realized that he was in the hospital wing because of the all to familiar smell and the crisp white sheets. It was awhile until he was motivated enough to open his eyes. He wanted to drift back into that restful sleep he so rarely experienced.

Finally Harry sighed slightly, realizing he wasn't going to fall back asleep, and opened his eyes slowly so as not to burn them with the bright light of the hospital wing. He slowly looked around, realizing he was separated from the rest of the hospital wing by curtains. Turning his head to the side, he caught sight of Severus.

"Father?" Harry asked, though it came out as a whisper. Severus heard him anyway, turning quickly to the bed.

"It's about time you woke up." Severus said, the sarcastic words counteracted by the hug he pulled Harry into. "You did it Alex. You won." Severus said. Harry stiffened and flinched away. Severus instantly became concerned.

"Alex?" Severus asked. "What's wrong?"

"I-I killed a man." he whispered.

"He was a monster, not a man. Were you the one to point your wand at him and say the words to the killing curse?" Severus asked.

"No, but - " he started saying, only to be cut off by Severus.

"No - you said it yourself. He was the one to cast the killing curse, we were told. You were only protecting yourself. Do not blame yourself for this, Alex." Severus said harshly.

"I'm sorry, I'm being an idiot." Harry said quietly. Severus didn't quite believe that he would stop blaming himself because of a few words, however. "Is Draco okay?" Harry asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yes, he's fine. He is down in our quarters currently. What we would all like to know is how you did wandless magic, though, Alex." Severus asked. Harry paled, curling his knees up to his chest. "Alex?" Severus asked, slightly worried.

"The...the man who...raped me. He was a Death Eater. Voldemort told him he could...he could do as he pleased with me." Harry said brokenly. "He started taking my clothes off and I just freaked out, and all of a sudden he was flying across the room, and it all just happened so fast. I was so scared, and angry, and I wasn't going to let him do that again, I couldn't go through that again, not with everyone watching, not when I wouldn't get in trouble for using magic. And then there was magic everywhere, and I didn't know what I was doing, and Voldemort tried to kill me again...it all happened so fast." Harry ranted, beginning to rock back and forth. Severus stopped his motions with a gentle hand, pulling his son into a hug, soothing him as best he could while trying to control his anger at the monster who had hurt his son.

Madame Pomfrey clucked disapprovingly when she came to check on Harry, annoyed that Severus had not informed her the moment that Harry had woken. After a quick checkup she claimed Harry was as healthy as he was going to get and reluctantly released him from the hospital wing.

Harry left his father for a few moments to use the bathroom. He scowled at his reflection in the mirror in the bathroom. Seems he had somehow kept his 'Harry Potter' face throughout all the turmoil. He effortlessly changed back to his natural form before leaving the bathroom.

"The authorities have to be informed, Alex. I will not let that pervert go unpunished for what he did." Severus told him when he returned, anger in his tone. Harry knew it was not directed at him, however.

"I don't want to have to tell everyone. I don't want them all knowing." Harry said.

"It can be kept quiet, but you must tell Dumbledore at least. It is only going to haunt you more if you keep it hidden and secret, Alex." Severus said. Harry nodded.

"Not tonight, please. In a day or two, just not right now." Harry begged. Severus sighed.

"I'm not going to force you." he said.

"Thank you." Harry whispered. "Can I go to my room now?" he asked.

"Of course." Severus said, helping Harry up despite the boy's protests. The two of them made their way down to the dungeons, where Harry was immediately pounced upon by Draco when he entered the room.

"You're awake!" Draco exclaimed, doing something completely uncharacteristic and pulling Harry into a brief hug. He quickly let go when Harry flinched, however.

"Oh really? I wasn't aware of that little fact." Severus snarked. Draco huffed and rolled his eyes, ignoring Severus.

"How are you Alex?" Draco asked.

"I've been better." Harry said truthfully. Severus raised one eyebrow at this answer, used to hearing and automatic 'I'm fine' whenever he was asked a question like that. Perhaps Harry was finally beginning to get better.


	29. Beginning to Heal

So I'm pretty sure there will be at least one more chapter, though I'm still not sure how this will end exactly. You will find out what happens with the whole Harry vs. Alex thing next chapter most likely. I'm not sure if there will be another chapter after that, however. I also wanted to point out thatIcurrently have 666 reviews. It made me laugh whenI clicked on my stats this morning, because of the whole big deal about itbeing 6/6/06/ last week. So enjoy this chapter!

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"Now Harry, Draco has told us what he observed that night, but we would like to have your version of events as well." Dumbledore said genially the next day. He had asked Harry and Severus up to his office about mid-morning. Severus frowned as Harry pulled his knees up to his chest, tucking his legs tight against himself as he curled up in the large armchair that seemed to be trying its best to swallow the boy.

"During the battle, Voldemort and I began dueling, and I was going to cast the spell to trap his soul, but I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up, it was in a dungeon. Draco was there too, and hurt. I gave him a potion and found out that the Death Eater's hadn't searched my pockets. After a while, Voldemort and a group of Death Eaters came into the dungeon. He taunted us a little, before calling forward one of his Death Eaters, Emery. He told the man he could...could 'do as he pleased' with me." Severus could hear the fear in his son's voice when he said the name, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "The man...over the summer, Voldemort, somehow he..." Harry struggled to get the words out. Severus silently handed him a calming potion. Harry took a few deep breaths before continuing.

"Over the summer, there was a man who would...who raped me." Harry finally managed to say. Dumbledore let out a gasp of surprise and outrage, the most reaction Severus had ever seen the man show. "He was the Death Eater. He was going to...to do it again, and I panicked. I did accidental magic, like when I was little. But this time I could control it a little bit, and the amount of magic just kept growing. Voldemort tried to use the killing curse again, but it couldn't penetrate the magic around me. It bounced back at him, and as his soul tried to escape, I incanted the spell to trap it." Harry managed to get out. Behind the desk, Dumbledore was nearly boiling with rage.

"Emery, you said his name was?" Dumbledore asked, barely concealed rage in every line of his body.

"Yes. But, please sir, I don't want everyone knowing what he did to me." Harry said in a tiny voice.

"Of course not, child." Dumbledore said in a gentler voice. "In cases like these, a conviction can be made with pensieve testimony alone. There are much harsher penalties for sexual predators in the magical world. If you can give me just one memory, I can get him convicted almost immediately, without a trial and with very little ministry involvement."

"It won't be in the papers?" Harry asked.

"You are still a minor, I will make sure it is kept silent. Most likely, the charges will be in the paper, but the victim will not be named." Dumbledore said.

"Okay." Harry whispered. Dumbledore silently retrieved his pensieve, placing it in front of Harry. After a moment's hesitation, Harry placed two memories into the pensieve.

"Thank you Harry. I will make sure this is handled with utmost speed and discretion. Now we have only one last serious matter to attend to. I thought you would like to be able to witness the final destruction of Voldemort." Dumbledore said, pulling out the heavily warded box that he had placed the diamond containing the soul in.

"You haven't destroyed it yet?" Harry gasped.

"We will do it right now, if you so wish." Dumbledore said.

"The ministry doesn't need to be involved? I mean...it seems like something really important to the whole wizarding world." Harry asked in confusion.

"It would be best not to get the ministry involved. The magic that you used is considered dark. Minister Fudge would do his best to persecute you for your use of Dark Arts. Especially because of the amount of power you were controlling. He will feel threatened by you." Dumbledore said gravely.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"You were draining magic from the Death Eaters and controlling it as if it was your own. The combined magic was what allowed you to repel the killing curse. It was a matter of sheer force."

"I...I drained their magic?" Harry asked in shocked surprise.

"Not completely. A few of the Death Eaters are now little better than squibs, but most of them recovered from the loss of magic." Dumbledore said. "Now, if there are no more questions, I believe Fawkes is ready for the burning."

"Okay." Harry said.

"Good, good." Dumbledore mumbled, placing the diamond on Fawke's perch. Fawkes trilled once and burst into flames, the three occupants of the room moving back from the intense heat of the phoenix fire. After several minutes and almost unbearable heat, Fawkes trilled softly and flew to Dumbledore's shoulder. Nothing was left on the perch, not even ashes remained of the evil soul.

"That's it? He's gone for good?" Harry asked after a moment.

"Yes Alex. He's gone for good this time." Severus said, placing a hand on his son's shoulder.

"I have one last thing I would like to discuss with the two of you." Dumbledore said.

"And that would be?" Severus asked stiffly. He could tell that the calming potion was wearing off and Harry's already frayed nerves were being pushed to their limits. Fawkes flew to Harry instead, running his beak through the boy's hair as if he was preening. Fawkes warm weight comforted him and calmed him down more than any potion ever had.

"It would be the matter of your son's double personality. People will expect Harry Potter to return to school now that Voldemort is gone. Of course, it is entirely your choice what to do." Dumbledore said. "You do not have to decide now, you may have a few weeks. Go get some rest for now, Harry."

"Yes, Headmaster." Harry said, glad for the dismissal. He was getting close to emotional overload for the day. A nice long nap sounded like the perfect idea. He was still a bit over-tired from the events of the past week.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked once they had returned to their rooms.

"I think so. I'm still a bit tired, though. Could I have some dreamless sleep potion?" Harry asked.

"You can have a sleeping potion, but not dreamless sleep. It's too soon after the calming potion to give you dreamless sleep." Severus said, retrieving the correct potion for his son.

"Thank you." Harry said, downing the potion and heading upstairs to his room.

Severus sat on the couch, picking up a book, scowling as he though of what the Headmaster had said. _"People will expect Harry Potter to return."_ Severus just knew that the Headmaster was playing off of his son's emotions, his odd need to fulfill the wishes and expectations of everyone but himself. Severus was going to have his own talk with his son before he made his decision. He would also like to speak to Draco, since he knew the boy had become a good friend of Harry's in a short period of time. It was apparent that Harry truly trusted Draco since the blonde wasn't harmed by the massive amounts of power that had drained the Death Eaters of their magic. Speaking of, a knock on the door heralded the arrival of Draco.

"Enter." Severus said, putting down his book. "Hello Draco."

"Severus." Draco nodded. "Is Alex alright?"

"He's sleeping right now. The Headmaster is manipulating him again." Severus said. He was glad that Harry and Draco had become friends. Merlin knows they both needed it.

"What's he doing now?" Draco asked. Like Severus, he disliked the headmaster. Most Slytherins could see him for the manipulator he was, either that or they disliked him for favoring the other houses over their own.

"He told him that people will expect Harry Potter to return to school, and he has to choose between Alex and Harry. I want to talk to you about that. I want this to be completely Alex's choice, but I do not want him to think he will lose your friendship. You two seem to have become good friends in the past few months." Severus said.

"I don't want to lose his friendship either." Draco said. "I realized when we were captured that it didn't matter whether he looked like Potter or like Alex, I still thought of him as Alex, the first real friend I've ever had." Draco said sincerely.

"Thank you Draco. That will mean a lot to Alex." Severus said.

"Why couldn't he be both?" Draco asked.

"Pardon?"

"He could be Harry Potter, but he could be your son too. If you don't mind everyone knowing, that is." Draco said.

"As I said, it is Alex's choice. With the Dark Lord gone, it is safe to acknowledge him, and I will if he so wishes." Severus said. Draco nodded his understanding.

"Severus, do you remember me telling you about the man Alex was so frightened of?" Draco asked. At Severus' weary nod, he continued. "Do you know why? I've never seen him so frightened."

"That is for Alex to tell you, if he wants to. Do not push him into talking about it." Severus said stiffly. Draco could tell he had hit a sore spot.

"It's okay, Father." Harry said from above them, startling the two. He had been listening to their conversation for a while. The sleeping potion had not been able to keep his nightmares away, and he had only gotten a short nap. He had been coming downstairs when he heard Draco ask the question. While at first he had panicked, he had quickly calmed down. He somehow trusted Draco more than he had trusted his other friends. For some reason, the boy he had once hated understood him better than Ron and Hermione did. Draco and Harry shared some hardships, the less beautiful parts of life. Ron and Hermione's lives didn't hold the pain that Harry's life, and Draco's life held. For this reason, Harry felt somehow closer to Draco.

Harry slowly made his way down the stairs and took a seat on the couch beside Draco. He pulled his knees up to his chest self-consciously. He had decided he would tell Draco what had happened to him. It was weighing him down, keeping this huge secret. It would be a small relief to tell someone, someone he trusted. Part of healing was accepting what had happened and no longer being ashamed of it.

Severus summoned a house elf to send them some tea, serving it while Harry collected his thoughts and his courage. He added a small drop of calming potion to Harry's cup as well. Draco waited patiently for him to being speaking, sensing that this was something big. After a couple sips of his tea, Harry turned to Draco.

"That Death Eater...Emery. He came to my house over the summer. I thought he was a business associate of my uncle's, but Voldemort had planted him there. He...while I was at my relatives, I couldn't use magic, I couldn't defend myself and he...he r-raped me." Harry managed to stutter out, his voice tiny and insecure. He looked down, staring at his tea cup, afraid of what he might see in Draco's face.

"That bastard." Draco spat angrily before looking worriedly at Harry. The boy was curled into a tight ball, trembling slightly. He seemed terrified, having only heard the anger in Draco's tone. "Alex?" Draco asked softly. Harry made a small noise, but gave no other sign of being aware of his surroundings. He was to busy bracing himself for the blow, for the disgust and loathing he though would be directed at him for being weak, for allowing something so horrible to happen. For being unclean.

"Alex, there's no way it could have been your fault. You said it yourself, you couldn't defend yourself. No one who gets raped is ever at fault. You're completely innocent." Draco said, sensing exactly what Harry was thinking. The blond slowly placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, ignoring the flinch. Slowly Harry began to uncurl himself from the tight ball, but kept his knees pulled up to his chest.

"You don't think I'm unclean?" Harry asked.

"No." Draco said forcefully. Harry squeezed his eyes shut tight against the tears threatening to spill over. He'd had about all the emotional stress he could handle today. When he began sobbing, two slim arms came around him and he welcomed the embrace, crying on Draco's shoulder. Severus moved over to the two of them, rubbing his son's back to help calm him.

"Thank you. For understanding. For being a friend." Harry told Draco softly though his tears. A few moments later he had fallen asleep. Severus carefully pulled him away from Draco, putting him in his bed to sleep. Draco sat unmoving on the couch, staring off into space as he mulled over the day's events. Harry had it so much worse than he had ever thought.

"Thank you Draco. You said exactly what Alex needed to hear." Severus said when he returned. "I believe he is finally beginning to heal."


	30. Decisions and Revelations

So my plans of ending this story at thirty chapters didn't quite work out. There's at least another chapter, if not two or three, in the making. I just didn't get to explain some of the things I want to write before ending this story. So, be looking forward to another chapter or so.

In other news, today is my birthday, so make me happy and leave me a review please!

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"I've made my decision." Harry announced to Severus a couple weeks later.

"Are you positive? You have thought everything through?" Severus asked, instantly focusing all of his attention on his son.

"Yes, I've thought about it a lot these past weeks. Keeping all of these secrets...I can't take it anymore. I will finish the last few weeks of school as Alex. Over the summer, I would like to either visit, or have Ron and Hermione visit me, so I can tell them first about who I really am. I think Hermione will be fine with it, but I'm not so sure about Ron. I need to tell them, though." Harry began.

"I am sure a visit can be arranged, more than one if they accept your true heritage." Severus said. It was obvious that Harry had truly thought things out for once. Perhaps being around Slytherins was rubbing off on him and overriding his impulsive Gryffindor-ness.

"I...I don't really want to go back to being Harry Potter. I don't like the fame. I'd rather just be Alex, no one special. I don't mean to say that I want to keep it secret, I just don't really want to announce it to the whole world either. I want the Weasley's to know who I am, but not everyone. I just want to be Alex Snape, not Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived. I know it will probably cause a stir in the wizarding world, but I'd rather just let Harry Potter fade away." Harry said.

"That is perfectly reasonable, Alex. There is no reason for you to forever live under a microscope, your every move reported in the papers. That is barely a life at all. You deserve a bit of privacy." Severus said. Harry looked up and smiled, something he rarely did. "Now, you'd better get to class before you're late." Severus said. Harry looked at the clock with surprise and quickly dashed off, saying a hurried goodbye.

It was a little odd returning to class after an encounter with Voldemort, especially this one, and not having everyone acting strangely toward him, or a million rumors flying around. It was strange to have almost no one acting differently toward him. A few people had heard that he was in the hospital wing, as he had missed a couple days of classes, but other than that, no one bothered him. If he had still been Harry Potter, no one would have left him alone. Everyone would be pushing him to tell what had happened. He was more convinced than ever that he wanted to leave Harry Potter behind.

"How are you doing, Alex?" Severus asked when his son entered the potion room that afternoon.

"Great, actually." Harry said, smiling. "No one's bothering me for details about what happened. There's no rumors being whispered behind my back. I'm actually normal for once." he said happily. Severus shook his head and sent Harry off to his seat, glad that his son was finally happy for once.

The rest of the year passed without incident, thankfully. It was a little odd to watch all of the students leave on the train while he remained at the school. He wasn't alone, however. Draco had stayed at the school as well, and would be spending the summer with Severus and Harry since he had not only been disowned, but his father had been put in Azkaban. They would have to stay at the school for a couple more days so Severus could finish up the last of his work, but after that they would be going to a small cottage that also belonged to the Snape family.

In a week, Harry would go to the burrow to meet with the Weasley's and Hermione. He could only hope that they would accept who he really was. He was extremely nervous about the meeting,

something that both Draco and Severus easily picked up on.

The cottage they went to was a medium sized house hidden deep in the countryside. There was plenty of privacy so they could fly and use magic without fear of muggles. There were also wards to keep muggles away. Inside the cottage there was a comfortable living room with overstuffed sofas and a couple high backed armchairs and a large fireplace. Also on the first floor was a kitchen and dinning room, a study and a bathroom. On the second floor there were four bedrooms and a second bathroom.

This cottage had often been Severus' own private retreat during the summer months. Dumbledore knew only that it existed. He didn't know where it was or how to get there, and Severus planned to keep it that way. He had been allowed to leave the castle for the whole summer break, if only because of Harry and Draco.

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"Ready?" Severus asked. He and Harry were currently standing in the living room, preparing to take a portkey to The Burrow. Harry once more looked like 'Harry Potter' in preparation for meeting his friends. He had decided to tell them of his metamorphmagus abilities as well.

"I think so." Harry said. Every line of his body gave away his fear and nervousness, however. Severus sighed slightly, holding out the portkey for Harry to touch. He would be accompanying Harry on his visit. They had to wait only a few seconds before the portkey activated.

"Harry!" he heard a familiar voice shriek before he was being engulfed in a tight hug. He flinched at first, terrified, but quickly regained control of himself as he realized it was only Hermione. "Where in the world have you been!" she demanded angrily.

"That's what I came here to tell you." Harry said.

"Harry mate, it's good to see you again." Ron said, clapping Harry on the back. "Why's Snape with you?" He asked in a whisper.

"I'll tell you later." Harry said.

"Well you better come inside, mate. Mum's beside herself waiting for you to get here." Ron said, leading Harry and Hermione into the Burrow. Severus followed behind them, discreetly entering the kitchen.

"Harry dear!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, pulling Harry into a tight hug. "It's so good to see you again. You're still far too skinny though!" She clucked. Harry smiled at the familiar greeting. "You three go chat in the living room, Severus and I will be here in the kitchen having a cup of tea." she said, sending them off.

"So mate, where have you been? Dumbledore said you were sent away to train to beat You-Know-Who." Ron said.

"That was just a cover, really. I was at Hogwarts the whole time." Harry said.

"What? You were at Hogwarts? How?" Hermione asked.

"I have a few things to tell you that might shock you. I know I was shocked when I found out." Harry said, stalling for time before actually breaking the news. Hermione seemed to sense that he was nervous.

"Whatever it is, you know you can tell us, Harry." she said gently.

"Thanks Hermione." Harry smiled. "I'll start with the fact that I'm a metamorphmagus." Harry said.

"Brilliant!" Ron shouted. "Show us something Harry." Harry smiled wryly at his friend's antics and changed his hair to the signature Weasley red.

"How did you never know you were metamorpmagus? You should have known since birth, you would have imitated people when you were a baby." Hermione asked.

"There was a spell put on me to keep me from changing." Harry said.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"That brings me to the second thing I have to tell you. I'm...I'm not really a Potter. My mum had an affair with another wizard. It was an accident really. She and James had a fight, and she went to see an old friend for comfort, and they got a little drunk. She had dated him in Hogwarts, and things went a little too far." Harry explained, not wanting them to think his mother was a tramp. "James wanted everyone to think I was his son, however, so when I had imitated him, he placed a spell upon me that would keep me from using my metamorphmagus powers."

"What?" Hermione gasped. "But then, who's your real father?" Hermione asked. This was the part Harry was most nervous about. After a second he decided to just change forms rather than tell them outright. So he concentrated and felt himself shifting back to Alex. Twin gasps met his ears and he opened his eyes, not realizing he had squeezed them tight.

"No way Mate." Ron said, shaking his head. "This is just a big joke, right?" He asked desperately.

"I'm sorry Ron. Professor Snape is my father." He said quietly.

"But he hates you!" Ron exclaimed.

"He hated James, he just couldn't stand that I looked like the man who stole his son. He wasn't even allowed to see me after I was born. He never saw me until I came to Hogwarts. And then he had to keep up his Death Eater image because he was a spy, so he couldn't be nice to Harry Potter." Harry tried to explain.

"I can't believe it." Ron said faintly. "I've been friends with a Snape all these years." Ron's words hit Harry hard, and he brought his knees up to his chest, pulling away from his two friends.

"Oh honestly Ron!"Hermione exclaimed, hitting the redhead's shoulder. "He's still the same person he's always been! He just looks a little different. So why did you decide to go to school as Alex? I mean, wasn't that more dangerous for you and Professor Snape, with him being a Death Eater?"

"You remember before school started, when I was in the Hospital wing?" Harry asked. "How much did Dumbledore tell you?"

"He said you were being abused by the Dursley's, and that you had begun hurting yourself." Hermione said sadly. Harry took a deep breath before continuing.

"I tried...I tried to kill myself over the summer." Harry said quietly. Again there was a gasp from the two across from him. "I'd begun having panic attacks, and I didn't like when there were a lot of people around. Father understood, he helped me heal. He was the father I'd always wanted. I haven't hurt myself or tried to kill myself in a long time thanks to him and Draco." Harry said.

"Draco? Malfoy! You're friends with Malfoy!" Ron shouted angrily. Harry flinched away, his breathing beginning to speed up as he panicked at Ron's anger. Ron's shout had drawn Severus into the room, and he was quick to kneel beside Harry, giving him a calming potion and whispering calming words to him. While this display only had Ron fuming more, Hermione watched the two with a calculating stare. When Harry had calmed down, she smiled at him.

"I'm glad that Professor Snape is your father. You deserve some happiness Harry, and he is obviously good to you." she said.

"Thank you Hermione." Harry said sincerely.

"I think that is enough for today. Give them a couple days to think things through and calm down." Severus said to Harry.

"Okay." Harry said quietly.

"You are welcome to visit Alex at our Manor, Miss Granger." Severus said before pulling out a second portkey. In a matter of seconds the two of them were gone.

"I can't believe you Ron! He's our friend, how could you be so cruel! You knew that he was abused, that he never really had a family. Well he has a family now, and you refuse to see it's just what he's always wanted!" Hermione turned to Ron once the other two had disappeared.

"His family is Snape, Hermione!" Ron shouted. "The Greasy Git who's made our lives miserable for the past six years!" Ron replied.

"That's it, Ronald Weasley! You go to your room and calm down. Hermione is right, Severus is good for Harry. He deserves his own family." Mrs. Weasley joined in, the picture of fury. "I can't believe my own son is so intolerant!" she muttered.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Are you aright Alex?" Severus asked once they returned to their house.

"I expected Ron to be angry. He...he only sees black and white most of the time. Usually once he calms down Hermione can talk some sense into him. I hope she can this time." Harry said.


	31. Realizations

Here it is, the final chapter of Realizations. It's been a long time since I started this, and it's nice to finally see it completed at last, though a little sad too. Hopefully you all enjoy the final chapter. I might revise this sometime in the future, but for now it's time to put it to rest. Enjoy! Review!

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

It was only four days later when Hermione and Ron came tumbling into the living room of the Snape household by way of portkey. Harry was waiting for them of course. He didn't look much like Harry or Alex, though. He had been using his metamorphmagus abilities more now that he no longer had to hide them. Today his hair was blue, short, and spiked. He had taken a bit of inspiration from Tonks. Severus was glad that Harry was using his abilities more. The hair definitely drew more attention, which hopefully meant Harry was coming out of his shell. It would be good if he continued to use his ability at Hogwarts.

When Ron and Hermione recovered from their less than graceful landing, they stared uncomfortably at Harry for a moment. They also nervously eyed the two large panther cubs lounging at Harry's feet. Midnight and Sangue had been feeling a little ignored by their owner during the end of the school year, and were making up for it by never leaving his side in the cottage.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, recognition dawning on her face.

"I prefer Alex, but yeah, it's me." Harry said. Hermione smiled and rushed over to give Harry a hug, which he didn't flinch away from. Sangue growled lightly, jumping into Harry's lap, glaring at Hermione with his golden eyes. Hermione backed nervously away from the panther and Harry chuckled.

"Don't mind him, he's just jealous." Harry said fondly, patting the cub before pushing him over so he could stand up. When he did, he came face to face with an obviously uncomfortable Ron.

"Harry mate, I...I guess I owe you an apology. Hermione talked to me, shouted at me more like it, and I guess I overreacted a little." Ron said awkwardly.

"A little?" Harry asked.

"Okay, a lot. I just kinda freaked out. I mean, we both hated Snape a few years ago. It's just weird, but like Hermione said, you deserve a family. I guess I can deal with it." Ron said a little grudgingly.

"It's okay Ron." Harry said.

"So what are you doing when we go back to Hogwarts?" Hermione asked. Harry sighed slightly, motioning for the two of them to take a seat while he himself collapsed back down onto the sofa.

"I'm staying as Alex Snape. You both know that I never liked the fame. As Alex, I'm not famous, I can finally just be normal." Harry said.

"You mean you're staying a Slytherin?" Ron asked, a hint of disgust in his tone.

"I was supposed to be a Slytherin in the first place, Ron. I asked the hat to put me in Gryffindor because I had only heard bad things about Slytherin. I was hoping you could look past the house rivalries. They're stupid and childish, and all they do is make it easier for wars to happen because people hold on to the rivalries even after they graduate. I'm still the same person, just in a different house." Harry lectured in a stern voice. He had realized last year that the house rivalries really were stupid.

"I guess you're right." Ron replied grudgingly. "Why can't things just go back to the way they were?" he whined.

"Because I'm not the person I used to be, Ron. I've been through too much to go back to the way I was. I was hoping you could accept who I've become, but I guess I was wrong. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anyone that I'm Alex now. I don't want everyone finding out." Harry said coolly.

"See, you're ashamed of it!" Ron exclaimed.

"I am not ashamed of who I am Ron, never suggest that again." Harry said angrily, eyes narrowed. "I don't want everyone knowing because then there would be no point in being Alex, I'd just have to go back to being the famous boy-who-won't-die!" Harry's anger was almost tangible in the room, leaving Ron properly cowed.

"I think it is time for you to return home, Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger." Severus sneered as he stepped into the room. He had placed monitoring charms on Harry, knowing that Ron had the bad habit of saying exactly the wrong thing and making Harry react badly.

"Can Hermione stay?" Harry asked Severus, calming down a bit. Severus observed Harry with narrowed eyes before nodding his head in acceptance.

"A portkey to return to your house is on the table there. The activation word is maelstrom. Do try and not forget it, I know it's a big word but even your puny brain should be able to remember it for a few minutes." Severus said, sweeping out of the room.

"How can you stand him Harry! He's just the same as he's always been!" Ron exclaimed.

"He's nice to people who deserve it, Ron. I think you should go home now too." Harry said. Ron glared at him before angrily grabbing the portkey, and in the blink of an eye he was gone.

"Why did you want me to stay, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Because I need to talk to someone, and you don't care which house I'm in. Would you mind calling me Alex?" Harry asked.

"Okay Alex. What did you want to talk about?"

"I never got to finish telling you what happened last summer. Father thinks it will be good for me to stop keeping it a secret, and I agree too. It's been weighing me down." Harry said.

"You mean there's more?" Hermione asked worriedly, moving to take a seat beside Harry on the sofa. Midnight sat at her feet, placing his large black head in her lap. Hermione smiled at the big cat, stroking his soft fur.

"I told you that I tried to kill myself, but I didn't tell you that I tried more than once." Harry said softly. Hermione gasped.

"How...how many times?" she asked fearfully.

"There were three times I was definitely trying to kill myself, twice over the summer and once more near the beginning of the school year. There was one time where I got too far into a panic attack and almost bled to death, though I don't know if I was actually trying to kill myself that time. There were a couple other close calls when I cut myself too deeply, but I wasn't actually attempting suicide." Harry said quietly. Hermione gasped, a hand covering her mouth in shock.

"How...what made you want to die so badly? Why did you start having panic attacks?" Hermione asked, tear in her eyes. Harry took a deep breath, readying himself to tell Hermione. He wasn't as afraid as he had been when telling Draco, now that he knew that not everyone would think he was unclean.

"Over the summer a lot of things happened." He began, stalling for time a little. "I was abused badly by my uncle. Voldemort found out where I was living, and though he couldn't enter himself, he sent someone else there. The person he sent, he...he raped me." Harry said a bit easier than last time.

"Oh my god Harry!" Hermione exclaimed. "Are you okay? I mean, of course you're not okay, you were raped but...how...how..." Hermione ranted awkwardly, at a loss as to what to say. Harry sighed slightly

"I'm okay now, I'm starting to get better." Harry answered.

"If you ever need anything Harry, er...Alex, don't hesitate to ask me." Hermione told him, tears streaming down her face. Harry smiled slightly at the girl who was so distraught with worry about him, knowing she was still a good friend.

"Thanks Hermione." Harry said. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes as Harry waited for Hermione to stop crying. After she had calmed down, the two of them talked for a while before Hermione decided it was time for her to return home. Harry sighed to himself, sitting alone in the room.

"How did it go?" Draco asked, interrupting the silence. Harry looked up sharply, having not noticed the blond's entrance.

"Not so bad." Harry said.

"Severus cast a spell on Weasley." Draco smirked.

"What?" Harry asked in surprise.

"He won't be able to go blabbering your secret all over the school." Draco said.

"How did he manage that?"

"None of your business." Severus said, entering the room as well. Harry chuckled slightly.

"Thank you." Harry said sincerely. Severus waved it off as usual.

As the three of them moved to the kitchen to have dinner, Harry hung back slightly, observing them. For the first time he could remember, he had a family. He had a father who loved him unconditionally, and a friend who wouldn't reject him like Ron had often done in the past. Things were definitely looking up, and he was, for once, looking forward to the rest of his summer, and the rest of his life. There was no way he was going to give up his life now. He finally realized that there might be hard times in life, but afterward came the good times that had been so sorely lacking in his life. It might take a while for him to stop panicking and cutting, but he no longer felt the urge to die.

"Is something wrong Alex?" Severus asked, noticing he had stopped.

"No." Harry said, startled. "I just realized something." He said with a small smile, ignoring his father's questioning glance.


End file.
